The Art Of Praising Well

Praise is among the most powerful gifts one person can offer another. A compliment brings warm feelings both to the person who receives it and to the one who gives it. Everyone needs to know how to give praise and how to take it. A few pointers make all the difference.

Mean what you say

People can nearly always tell when a compliment is hollow. When you truly mean it, they are far more likely to believe you and to feel good about what you said.

Do not let it look like a set up

This can happen without your noticing, so watch for it, because people will judge you on it. Never praise someone and ask a favour in the same conversation. The praise starts to look like bait, and your good intent is lost.

Be respectful

Make sure your words cannot hurt, even when you mean them kindly. Praise built around someone’s race or their looks is risky ground. And if your compliment needs a “but” or a qualifier attached, it is probably better left unsaid.

Keep the spotlight on them

Do not turn someone else’s compliment into a story about you. Saying “You did such a good job last week, I could never have managed that, I am hopeless at it” makes you sound self absorbed, as if you praised them only to steer the talk back to yourself.

Praise people when they are not in the room

Criticising someone behind their back is common. Praising them behind their back is rare. The reverse would serve us better, because praise passed on through others is seen as more sincere and genuine than praise delivered face to face.

Praise what they can control

Point your compliment at things within the person’s control, such as their character, their efforts and what they have achieved. This helps them feel secure in the feedback, instead of worrying that they might lose the very thing others admire in them.