At some point, every one of us has to deal with an aggressive person. Aggression usually rises when someone feels they must protect their interests, or to win something for themselves, frequently at someone else’s expense. Understanding that helps: the anger in front of you is often about a need or a fear, not about you. When you meet such a person, keep these steps in mind.

Stay cool

Answering anger with anger simply makes matters worse. Your anger feeds theirs, and the exchange climbs higher with every sentence. Staying steady is the first and most important step.

Step away and calm down

Take a deep breath. Step back from the argument for a moment and do something else, even something as small as fetching a glass of water. That short pause can release the tension that is building up. Consider how much regret the words spoken in anger might bring you later.

Bring the focus back

When emotion takes over, people easily forget the real issue and even of how the argument began. Steer the conversation back to what matters most and to the facts. That helps the other person return to thinking and reasoning. Phrases such as “All that really matters is…” or “In a few years we will laugh about this” can lower the temperature.

Name what is happening, gently

Do not carry on as though nothing is wrong. At the same time, avoid sentences that start with an accusing “you”. Try something closer to this: “There is no need to stress, we will sort it out. I am sorry. Can I say something I think is important? I understand this is stressful and upsetting.” Doing this early makes the other person more aware of how they are behaving, and that often makes them more open to hearing what you have to say.

Aggression is loud, but calm is stronger than it looks. Breathe, pause, refocus and speak kindly, and most storms pass without damage.

Busy city life teaches us many lessons. Many of us cannot simply move somewhere quiet and close to nature, so we learn to make peace and find happiness amid the noise. Despite the difficulty, if you can learn to stay mindful through arguments, emergencies and moments that throw you or the people around you into panic, you can reach the calm state of mind that lets you see through the chaos and respond in the best way. Here are a few ideas that help you keep going with a smile, even in stressful situations.

Stop fighting the stress

Trying to get rid of stress only increases it. It is like pulling hard on a door marked “push”. However hard you pull, it will not open, and if you pull hard enough the handle may come off in your hand. Stress comes from doing too much. You cannot “do” your way to less stress. Reducing stress asks you to stop doing, and that is exactly what mindfulness offers.

Empty your mind

Emptying the mind brings real relief. Why? Because every one of our problems exists only there. Empty it, and for that moment the problems are gone. Of course, life still has to be handled, but handling it with a calm mind is far easier and more pleasant than doing it with an overactive, stressed one. Life can be met with a smile. Very little is as serious as it seems.

Face your fears

We are all afraid of something, and strength is found inside fear, not apart from it. Courage is impossible if you are not afraid. If you listen to fear and obey it, it rules you. If you take a stand and act in spite of it, that is true courage. Anyone can be the hero of their own story. It depends on how we respond to our fears. So move towards what you would like to become, be the person you would be proud of, and treat your fears as an adventure.

Answer the voice that says you cannot

Even when we act despite our fear, a small voice inside may still pull us back: “You cannot do it anyway.” Answer it with confidence: “Yes, I can. I will. And one day it will be done.” Then go and do what you set out to do, because you can.

Remember that attitude decides

Life flows as it will, and most of the time we cannot choose our circumstances. What we can choose is our response, our attitude towards them. If you feel low about something that does not really matter, remember that you can choose to smile, and to be at peace whatever is happening around you.

Hold your plans lightly

Making plans and carrying them out is good. Becoming their servant is not. When something does not go to plan, do not fall apart. It is not the end of the world. Plans often give way, because they are guidelines, not fixed paths through life. Do the best with what life gives you. You can create remarkable things once you let go of rigid plans and wishes and work with what you already have. It is already enough.

Fear plays a part in almost all of our decisions. That is not a weakness of character. It is biology, inherited from a long evolutionary past. For thousands of years, being driven by fear kept human beings alive. Today the same instinct often keeps us from the very things we want. These strategies can help you get past the fear and resistance that hold you back.

Begin today

The old saying that the present is the best time grows truer with every passing year. Any moment can be the starting point for the change you are hoping for. Knowing that you are finally on the path feels exhilarating, and that feeling carries you further forward. Begin now, with one small step towards your goal.

Make a workable plan

Break your goal into manageable steps. A dream that feels unrealistic is often just a dream you are trying to swallow in one bite. Even goals that look unrealistic can be reached in small steps. Set aside a quiet hour, sit down and write a step-by-step plan for your dream. If it still looks unworkable, break each step down further.

Stay flexible

Even when a project is entirely your own choice, it can sometimes feel as though you are being forced into it. That is when procrastination creeps in. It is your counterwill at work: the instinctive resistance we all feel to being told what to do, even when the one giving orders is ourselves. To get around it, leave room to manoeuvre in your plan. Someone who longs to write a book, say, can let themselves choose the time of day, the place, or the order of the chapters.

Be proactive and resourceful

Looking after your life and your dreams well means anticipating what you will need. Learn about the challenges you are likely to meet along the way, then build a structure that helps you overcome them. If money is a challenge, for example, do not push it aside. Deal with it early. That may take some creativity and persistence.

Let go of fixed notions

Stressing over your progress, or worrying about what others think, pulls your attention away from what you love. Life can only be lived one moment at a time. Live each moment fully and true to your heart, and you cannot truly fail, whatever the result, because the life itself is one you love.

Dreams are meant to be followed and pursued. Do not give up on yours before you have even tried, just because they seem impossible right now. Life without dreams is a grey thing. Search for yours, and make a promise to yourself to fulfil them.

Know what you want

Following your dreams is simply impossible if you do not know what they are. Perhaps you always wanted to start your own business but never had the courage. Perhaps you wanted to be an artist but could never leave your present job. The answer to how to follow a dream always begins with being certain of what you want.

Take a risk

Often we know exactly what we want to do, yet we still do not do it. If you really want to succeed, you must be willing to risk failure. Every great dream carries some risk, and the people who achieve their dreams are the ones willing to accept it. Life often gives another chance to those ready to take it up and make something worthwhile of it, whatever the outcome.

Keep your options open

When you do what you love, you enjoy the result as well. But if you are doing something only for the end result, you will hate the process. If your dream really is about a particular result, keep looking for other ways of getting there.

Stay consistent

To achieve your dreams you must keep going steadily, even through setbacks. Push yourself to complete your planned steps even on days when you do not feel like doing anything. That is how habits are built. Many people quit too early, frequently right before the turning point where success begins. Unless you are sure it is time to try another dream, stay steady with the one in front of you.

Balance career and family

Remember that you cannot do it all. It helps to divide life into three areas for setting goals: career, family and weekends, and to pursue your dreams in all three. You may be tempted to keep adding more areas, but one rule of thumb holds that each extra area cuts your chance of success by about a quarter. Never give up on your dreams, but decide what truly matters and act on it. Let the rest go.

Live this one life fully

Your dreams can carry you through even the worst days. When you are struggling, they are your reason to keep going, the reason you wake up and try again. They make life worth living. The life you have now is the one you get, so make the most of it. Make mistakes and learn from them. Then, instead of brooding over what might have been, go ahead and follow your dreams. They give you meaning and purpose, and they drive you towards the future you choose.

Setting goals for yourself is a time-tested and proven way to stay motivated. A goal gives effort a direction, and a direction makes it easier to keep going on the days when enthusiasm runs low. But a goal without a date is only a wish. So the first rule is simple: give every goal a date by which you mean to reach it.

It also helps to sort your goals by how far away they are. Three distances are useful.

Short-term goals

These are goals you can reach within a few weeks or a couple of months. Finishing a course, clearing a pending task, building a small daily habit. Short-term goals give you quick wins, and quick wins keep motivation alive.

Mid-range goals

These need roughly one to two years. They need steady effort over a longer stretch, and they are often built from a chain of short-term goals reached one after another.

Long-term goals

Here you place the big decisions of life: your career path, plans for marriage, buying a home, or anything else that takes a long span of time. These goals shape the direction of the shorter ones, so it is worth thinking about them early, even if they seem far away.

Putting it together

Write down a few goals at each distance and give every one of them a deadline. Then let the long-term goals decide which mid-term goals matter, and the mid-term goals decide what you do in the next few weeks. That way, the small steps you take this month are not random. They are the first stretch of the road to what you want most.

Nobody truly stops an old habit or path. We begin something new, and the old simply drops away by itself.

Think of a tree that dies. Nobody has to work at making it decay. It simply breaks down and merges back into everything around it, its materials taken up again by other plants. That process of death, decay and renewal is a natural part of the world. Where life no longer moves through something, decay follows.

Apply that idea to our own lives and it brings a useful insight. It can release a great deal of anxiety about the things we are still “trying to get away from”.

Focus on the new, not on escaping the old

If you put your attention on the new thing, rather than on how to escape the old one, you naturally begin to move in that direction, and the old “job” falls away by itself. If you start looking for chances to do something you enjoy more, the moment one appears it becomes a bridge from here to there. The move from one to the other becomes possible, and often quite easy.

Many of us hold on to what is past out of fear of what lies ahead. At root, we lack faith in life, and in ourselves too. The remedy is to face that lack of trust, and to notice that when we follow our heart and what truly inspires us, support tends to appear along the way. Three keys help you begin the new and release the old.

1. Slow down

We have filled our lives with distractions: advertisements, social media, chatting, endless messages. Life was simpler when most people lived close to the land, but that life is gone and we must adapt. We need a practice of slowing down, taking time to breathe and simply being calm, even when old worries keep returning. In a quiet mind we understand life a little better each day.

2. Look actively for chances to change

Calm insight is only half of it. We still live in the practical world, and we must use what we learn to stay ready and alert for the openings that bring our lives closer to what we want. In the end this is about staying aware and present through the day. Do not let that awareness slip away. Stay mindful.

3. Act when the moment comes

Opportunities come and go all the time. When one arrives, it usually asks for action, or it fades away. That is your moment to act. Commit to seeing it through, not merely starting but finishing, so that what you create is whole, carries your own gifts, and is offered to the people around you.

We usually think of a purpose in life as something that shapes our days. A study suggests it shapes our nights too. Researchers found that older adults who live with a sense of purpose are more likely to sleep well, and less likely to suffer from two common sleep troubles.

What the study found

Sleep disturbances and sleeplessness tend to grow as people get older. Yet the findings showed that those who felt their lives were meaningful were:

• 63 percent less likely to have sleep apnoea, where breathing becomes shallow or stops briefly, several times an hour, through the night;
• 52 percent less likely to have restless leg syndrome, an uncomfortable feeling in the legs together with a strong urge to move them;
• somewhat better in overall sleep quality, a broad measure of how disturbed a person’s sleep is.

Why it matters

The researcher who led the work, at a university school of medicine, made a simple point. Helping people grow a sense of purpose could be an effective way to improve sleep without medicines, especially for older people, who face more sleeplessness than most.

The wider lesson

The study looked at older adults, but the idea it points to is old and wide. A person who knows why they get up in the morning tends to rest better at night. Purpose gives the mind somewhere to settle. Worry, by contrast, keeps it circling.

Purpose does not have to be grand. Caring for family, learning something new, helping a neighbour, finishing a piece of work you believe in: each of these gives a day its meaning. Find yours, feed it a little each day, and let it help you rest.

A note of care: persistent sleep problems deserve a doctor’s attention. A sense of purpose supports good sleep, but it does not replace medical advice.

When life gets very busy, a humble list can be the key to meeting every deadline. The clipping that inspired this post was written with busy women in mind, juggling home and work, but the benefits apply to anyone with too much to do and too little time. Here are a few good reasons to become a list maker.

It gives you more time

Surprising as it sounds, a list can give you time. With a packed schedule there is very little free time left. Yet the minutes spent writing a list save many more later, because you stop wasting effort wondering what comes next. Over a day, those savings can add up to hours.

It fights forgetfulness

If you tend to forget things, lists are your best defence. You will not miss an important deadline or event. It takes a moment to check your list, and that moment makes sure nothing slips through.

It keeps you organised

Whether you work from home or in an office, to-do lists help you keep a separate list for each area of life: personal, studies and work. Having one for every area makes it easier to get all the tasks done while still keeping your personal life intact.

It helps you excel at work

If you want to make a good impression on your manager, start with to-do lists. Becoming known as someone who never drops a project at the last minute, and who always gets every task done, will certainly help you stand out at work. This may be the best reason of all to keep a list.

A list is a small thing. Kept faithfully, it becomes a quiet assistant that gives back time, memory, order and reputation.

Have you reached a stage where your present work no longer feels like enough? Are you searching for your calling rather than settling for just a job? That feeling is worth taking seriously. It is also worth handling carefully, because a career change made in haste can leave you worse off than before. Here are a few ways to go about it.

Start by ruling things out

Begin with elimination. You might like a certain line of work but lack the qualification it needs, so it has to go off the list. Keep removing what does not fit, and you will be left with perhaps five or six options. Choose the best of them and prepare yourself for it. Ideally, you narrow the field down to one or two.

Do the groundwork before you leave

Do not give up your present job and jump into something new before the groundwork is done. Use your lunch break and the hours after work wisely to research, learn and prepare.

Test the new career first

If you can, try the new field before you quit the old one. Use your saved leave to spend time with people already doing the work you want. See the reality for yourself and compare it with what you imagined the job to be and what you expect from it.

Bridge rather than leap

Avoid drastic changes where possible. Instead, hop and skip, building a bridge from your present work towards the work you want. Begin by looking for openings inside your own organisation and consider a sideways move. Staff with long service are usually valued, and managers are often willing to help them move. That way not everything changes at once. The familiar parts give you a comfort that softens the shock of the transition.

Move when you are ready

The older we get, the harder it becomes to adjust. So do not let anyone rush you. Make the move only when you genuinely feel ready.

A calling is worth seeking. Seek it with a plan, a test run and a bridge under your feet.

A lazy colleague can be surprisingly persuasive. Without saying it in so many words, they suggest that working hard achieves nothing: nobody notices your effort, everyone is paid the same, and extra work will not lift your profile or your salary. Many people come to believe this and slowly drift the same way. Here is how to work beside such a person without losing your own direction.

Do not let them distract you

Your colleague may be lazy, but you must not be pulled into watching it. Every minute spent watching their idleness is a minute taken from your own tasks. Their idleness then costs you, not them.

Do not let them change your attitude

You know they are lazy. Do not become so occupied with it that you grow annoyed or angry. If their laziness starts to affect your own productivity, you are the one who will pay for it in the end.

Limit the favours

If your colleague is not doing their work, that is not your problem. Do not carry their responsibilities on your shoulders as a favour, or simply because you feel the work is important and must get done. If it is shared work, or you are on the same team, remind them of deadlines and pending tasks, and then mind your own share. And do not waste energy blaming yourself for unfinished work that was never yours to finish.

Turn it into an opportunity

Some people can turn an awkward situation to their advantage. A lazy colleague can be a chance to show leadership. Speak to your seniors and offer to help a team member whose output is not where it should be. That puts you in the light of a leader, and it is the kind of step your seniors notice and appreciate.

The common thread is simple. Their habits are theirs. Your focus, your mood and your growth are yours, so guard them.