Everybody wants to be happy, yet we often sabotage our own happiness. Here are some everyday habits that can quietly wear it away.

Talking yourself down

Much of the time we are our own harshest critics. Inside our heads we speak badly about ourselves, often without noticing we are doing it. Negative self-talk is one of the quickest routes to unhappiness. Catch it, and speak to yourself more kindly.

Not valuing what you have

Whatever your circumstances, you have a great deal to be grateful for. Move your attention away from what you lack and towards how full and wonderful your life already is. Unless you stop now and then to notice your blessings, no amount of good fortune will ever feel like enough.

Criticising others

Unhappy people often project their own unhappiness by pointing out other people’s faults, as a way of drawing attention away from their own. Stop criticising others and you make room for more happiness in your own life.

Keeping company with negative people

The wrong relationships can drain your happiness. Negative people affect your whole life, and if you are not careful their pessimism starts to grow in you too. The sad truth is that they will not change, however hard you try to win their approval. Choose your company with care.

Unmet expectations are behind most of our disappointments. We counted on someone to be a certain way or to act a certain way, they did not, and of course we feel let down. Letting go of some of those expectations frees you to meet life differently and to think in fresh ways. If you want fewer disappointments, here are some things to stop expecting from other people.

That they will agree with you

If you want people to agree with every word you say, expect to be disappointed often. People hold views of their own, and it is not realistic to think they will always match yours. Make your case with evidence and figures if you like, but do not take agreement for granted, and do not assume it is owed to you.

That they will be perfect

With that mindset you will always be disappointed, because nobody will ever fully meet your expectations. Aiming high on behalf of others is fine. Just accept that people will sometimes fall short, and that falling short still means they made an effort. Be kind about it, and drop the demand for perfection.

That they will read your mind

Some people have sharp intuition. Others simply cannot read feelings or faces as well. Being sensitive to how others feel yourself does not mean everyone is on the same wavelength. Most people have no wish to be mind readers, so say clearly what you think and feel so that nobody has to keep guessing. Honest, open communication also makes relationships stronger.

That a relationship is worth any price

None of us is perfect, and some people in our lives like to remind us of it and make us feel small. Many of us try to please such people at any cost, just to win a little affection and friendship. You should never do this. Put your time and energy instead into relationships with people who deserve them, and do not get drawn into other people’s negativity.

That they will respect you when you do not respect yourself

Respect begins on the inside. If you want respect, you have to earn it from yourself first by living in a way that shows self-respect. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.

That their habits will change overnight

We all know people with a habit or trait we badly want them to change, and we keep thinking it will happen any moment. If a behaviour bothers you, talk about it. You cannot expect people to change just because something about them annoys you or does not suit you. If a habit is unpleasant but bearable, allow it time and stay patient.

That they will pay your way

Your money is your responsibility. Nobody else should be covering your outings, your bills or your shopping. Take control of your money. Set a budget and keep to it. Know what you need and what you merely want. When you want something, put money aside for it instead of waiting for friends or relatives to fund it.

A few last ones to let go of: do not expect others to fix things when you cannot find a way yourself, do not expect them to drop everything for you, do not expect them to lift you up every time you fall, and do not expect them always to be fine.

Life may be good, yet there is always room to do better. Working on yourself is something to keep at for your whole life. Here are four ways to keep growing.

Get past obstacles

You will run into difficulties, and probably a few roadblocks too. Find ways around whatever stands between you and a better version of yourself.

Let go of perfectionism

Perfection is the wrong target when you are trying to improve, because nobody can reach it. Chasing it only breeds negativity when you cannot do something as flawlessly as you think you should. Enjoy learning from the mistakes you make along the way. That is the only way anyone gets better.

Ask someone to guide you

Think of the person you admire most among the people you know. Ask whether they would guide you. Go to them for advice, or for help in holding yourself to account as you grow, and learn the lessons their life can teach. Nobody ever claimed that improving yourself was easy, but it is worth working at all your life.

Keep a journal of the journey

Write your experiences down in a journal. One day you can look back and see who you were then and how far you have come. You can also find the things you did not manage the first time and have another go at them.

If you have parents, you are fortunate. Some people grow up without them. Parents are among the most important people in your world, and their love asks for nothing in return. Here are some simple ways to show them how much they mean to you.

Help around the house

Running a home is stressful work, and most parents manage it on top of everything else they do as working adults. Start by cleaning your own room. If you look after your own space, that is one less space they need to worry about. After that, lend a hand with watering the plants, vacuuming, feeding and walking the pet, clearing out cupboards or the storeroom, doing the laundry and much more.

Take an interest in what they enjoy

Your parents take a real interest in your life and keep track of what you like and dislike. A lovely way to show you care is to take the same interest in theirs.

Plan a family outing

Organise family holidays or day trips with your parents. Planning a trip takes maturity, responsibility, careful organisation and, above all, a caring heart.

Cook their favourite meal

Give your parents a break from always being the ones who feed everyone by cooking for them every now and then. A surprise breakfast served in their room, a favourite comfort dish or a simple homemade sweet will all delight them.

Show your affection

Parents treasure your hugs. You are their pride and joy, and they would gladly keep you close. Give them those happy moments as often as you can, because a small gesture brings them a great deal of warmth and comfort.

Talk with them

Your parents have been through every stage you are in now, and through stages still ahead of you. All that experience makes them experts on many things, and you can learn a great deal from them. They have probably lived colourful lives, and hearing their stories will be both entertaining and useful. After all, you share the same roots.

Building a business and giving to others should go hand in hand. Whether your company has not yet turned a profit or you run an organisation worth billions, generosity should always be part of your thinking. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Work with charities near you

Giving to large international causes is fine, but there is something special about supporting organisations in your own neighbourhood. Are there groups close by that you could help grow without travelling anywhere? You may be surprised by how many chances there are.

Set up your own programme or foundation

If you have a large sum to give and the time to be personally involved, starting a programme or foundation as part of your company can be very rewarding. The great advantage is that you choose a need you care deeply about and tackle it in whatever way you think best.

Run a contest for good

You can help your community and give your staff some fun at the same time by holding a contest. Each employee picks a local charity, and instead of prizes, the money goes to the charities chosen by the winners. You could also sponsor someone who cannot afford to take part in a local marathon or another sporting event.

There will be many times when you feel sad, angry or upset, and you are allowed to. Those feelings are natural and healthy. But when you reach the point where nothing excites you and your whole life feels hopeless, that is the moment to take charge and bring hope back. Here is what to do when you cannot find hope in anything.

Work on yourself

Take care of yourself. Sharpen the abilities you have, or pick up fresh ones. Let yourself feel good about who you are and what you are capable of. Invest time in useful daily habits that hold your interest and keep you going. A habit gives you a steady routine, and a routine trains you to persist and not give up. That steadiness is what moves you forward, whatever stands in the way.

Stop trying to control everything

Let things be. One reason we lose hope is that life is not going the way we wanted. Trying to control every situation will only wear you out completely.

Do not jump to conclusions

Most of the time, things are not as bad as they seem. We often judge a situation before it has even played out. Wait before you form an opinion about it, because we tend to overthink and worry for no reason, and our minds make things look worse than they are. In those hopeless moments, simply step back and reflect.

Every couple argues. Some do it openly, shouting at each other. Others do it quietly, by avoiding contact and conversation. The perfect relationship exists only in fairy tales. Real ones have rough patches full of ups and downs, and a whole range of emotions and feelings. These are ordinary challenges, and met with the right attitude they can strengthen a relationship and deepen the bond between two people. Here is how to keep those difficult times to a minimum.

Stay calm

Conversations that stir strong emotions often build to an intensity where one person tries to win the other’s attention by raising their voice. Try hard not to do this, because it does not work. It is very difficult for two people to communicate when one of them speaks with such a rising, sharp tone, which the other can easily hear as aggression, negativity or rejection.

Show that you understand

When you talk about important matters, especially the ones that tend to turn into arguments, make it clear to your partner that you grasp how they feel and how they see the matter. You do not need to agree. You only need to grasp their point of view. Be sincere and responsive, and listen so that you understand as fully as possible.

Talk about the real problem

Make sure the two of you are discussing what is really wrong. Dig down to the root of the trouble, and speak with complete openness and honesty. If you do not want the same argument again and again, you will have to name the real issue.

Respect each other’s opinions

Everyone has opinions. Let your partner share theirs with you freely. You do not have to agree with what someone else thinks, but give their view your respect and your full attention. That shows your care and commitment, and sharing your minds in this way makes your bond firmer.

New possibilities are around us all the time, and fresh ones appear every moment. Make a habit of choosing one now and then and exploring it properly. It is quite possible that one small change will set the stage for a far bigger sense of fulfilment. Sometimes even a slight shift in thinking opens up exciting new options. These are some ways to open the door.

Know that everyone has fears

Nothing shapes our lives and choices more than fear. We fear failing, being rejected and facing change. Yet fear offers no growth and no experience. By keeping everything the same you only harm yourself, shutting yourself off from experiences that could enrich you.

Nobody is watching as closely as you think

Whenever we try something new or step out of our comfort zone, we imagine that everyone is staring. That can be intimidating and make us very self-conscious. With time you will overcome that fear and take up your new hobby or activity with confidence. As you practise, keep reminding yourself that you are not being watched nearly as much as you believe.

You cannot grow without trying

A plant will not grow if the seed never goes into the soil. In the same way, you have to plant something in your own life if you want your mind and your world to expand. Nothing is holding you back except you. Your finances, background, education, upbringing, social standing or job cannot stop you if you are truly unwilling to be stopped.

Do not limit yourself

Do you catch yourself thinking you cannot do something, or that some things are beyond you? Deciding ahead of time where your abilities end only shrinks your own opportunities. Open the door for yourself by placing no limits on what you can do, create, experience, feel or learn.

Build a positive habit

Rather than trying to catch every unkind thing you say about yourself, put your energy into creating the positive habit instead. Tell yourself that you can do it and that you can get the position. You can do your best, and you can succeed. Say the right things to yourself and the right results follow.

The power is in your hands

If you wait to reach a certain income before you even consider taking up a new hobby, you are holding yourself back. If you use the way you were raised as a reason to cling to certain beliefs and resist learning, you are holding yourself back. Change is your decision alone. Some changes are harder than others, but once you make a serious decision to change, or to open up your world in any way, you can change anything.

Show empathy

One powerful way to widen your possibilities is to reach out to other people. Show them kindness and compassion, even if it is only by quietly recognising their intentions and what they are going through. People fall into bad moods just as we all do, and they often do not realise the effect they have on others. Seeing this, and offering a little empathy to the people you meet, opens your mind in many ways and lets you see the world differently.

No matter how carefully you try to steer around them, hard experiences will come. Nobody escapes them. So it helps to have a few simple steps ready for the moments that feel darkest. Here are three.

Remind yourself that this will pass

Name what is happening, then tell yourself plainly that it will not last. Every feeling, even the most painful, is temporary. Situations do change, and they can improve, especially when you reach out for the right kind of help.

Do not take every thought as true

Almost anything can pop into the mind at any time. You do not have to believe all of it. It is possible to take a small step back and see your thoughts for what they really are: passing thoughts that arrive and then leave.

Turn your attention to what is good

Point your attention at things that are likely to lift you and remind you why life is worth living. There is plenty close at hand that you can feel, touch, hear or smell. Notice those things and stay with what is happening in the present moment.

Remember the order: this will pass, a thought is only a thought, and there is still good around you worth noticing.

Getting a new idea adopted at work is hard for all kinds of reasons, but the biggest hurdle is usually your boss. When a yes really matters to you, a little preparation can tilt the odds your way. Here is how.

Pick your moment

If the company has just received bad financial news, or you were told off last week for falling behind, this is not the day to ask for something special. Hold back, wait until the time is right, and then make your case.

Tie your idea to their goals

Get this part right and you are most of the way there. Present your suggestion in terms of what it does for your boss: how it helps the team perform better or how it brings in more revenue. Your boss mainly wants to know one thing, which is how your idea will help them reach their own targets.

Make the yes effortless

A proposal that is only half thought through, or one that would demand a lot of work from your boss or from others before it could even begin, puts obstacles in the way of an easy agreement. Do the thinking and the groundwork yourself, so that saying yes costs your boss as little as possible.

Earn the right to ask

Ask yourself whether your record justifies the request. Have you delivered results and added real value? It is very hard to refuse someone the organisation would hate to lose. So become that person first.

Lay out both sides

If you only list the arguments in favour, you leave your boss to think up the drawbacks alone. Show instead that you have already weighed the advantages and the disadvantages. Your credibility goes up, and your case becomes much stronger.