Quiet sitting can wash away the stress of the day and leave you with a sense of inner calm. It does good for body, mind and spirit alike. It relaxes the body and eases tension, lowers stress and settles the mind, bringing calm and peace. Here is how you can practise it whenever you need to.

Start with your breath

A good way to bring a wandering mind back is to focus on your breathing. You can learn structured breathing exercises from a good teacher, but the simplest form is just this: stop, and breathe. Slow, deep breaths help calm an anxious mind. You may find you become more focused and clear, and get through your work faster than before.

Watch your thoughts

The mind is always full of thoughts, and clinging to negative ones brings suffering. Remember that thinking something does not make it true. However high or low you feel, that rollercoaster of emotion is not you; you are far more than that. When feelings threaten to overwhelm you, pause and return to breathing.

Stay in the present

The more present and aware you are, the less you suffer. One way to train this is to change small routines. Brush your teeth with your other hand. Take a different route to work. Swap your knife and fork. When you catch yourself fretting over the past or worrying about the future, stop, breathe and return to the present. Remember that this, too, will pass.

Value yourself

Do not look to others for approval. Everything you need is already inside you. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and give yourself all the kindness you need. If that feels hard, treat yourself as you would treat your dearest friend.

Be patient

Worrying about a problem without working on a solution will not solve it. Healing takes time too. Old patterns are slow to fade, because we live by habit. Give body and mind time to settle into anything new. When it feels as though you have slipped backwards, simply breathe and reconnect with yourself. Steady practice will keep you on track.

The past is not healed by dwelling on it. It is healed by living fully in the present.

Privacy and secrecy can look alike, but they are not the same thing.

What privacy is

Privacy is simply the state of being unobserved; changing your clothes is a simple example. Private matters are the traits, truths, beliefs and ideas about ourselves that we choose to keep to ourselves. They might include our daydreams, our feelings about how the world works, or our spiritual beliefs. When private matters are revealed, by accident or by choice, the other person learns a little more about the one who shared them.

What secrecy is

Secrecy is the act of keeping things hidden. What is secret goes beyond private into concealed. Secrecy overlaps with privacy, but not all privacy is secrecy. Secrecy comes from deliberately hiding something out of fear. Secrets are made of information that could do harm to someone else, emotionally, physically or financially. The person keeping the secret believes that if it came out, whether by accident or on purpose, it could hurt them and the people around them. A secret often carries an element of shame that a private matter does not.

Why the difference matters

People keep things private for many different reasons. A secret, though, is usually kept because of fear and shame about what others would think if they knew. We keep it hidden because we believe the cost of telling is too high. Privacy is a free choice; secrecy is not. A private matter might be, “I did badly in my school exams.” A secret is more like, “I faked my qualifications.”

Guarding your privacy is healthy. Carrying a secret is a burden worth looking at honestly.

Everyone is different, and everyone thinks and behaves differently. Even so, people can be loosely grouped by the way they think.

The word “mind” covers everything that goes on in our heads: thought, awareness, perception, beliefs, desires and sensations. It is where conscious, unconscious and practical processes take place, and it shows itself in our ideas, our actions and all the other signs of brain activity. These processes have structure, but that does not make them fixed. Almost everything in the brain can change. Based on how these processes tend to run, some thinkers describe three kinds of mind: rigid, fluid and flexible. Each has its own traits.

Rigid minds

Upbringing and education shape the mind more than anything else, so it is common for rigid thinkers to have been raised by rigid parents. Rigidity is at heart a form of self-protection. Fixed ideas give a sense of control and shield a person from uncertainty. People with this trait do well in work and activities that call for discipline. On the other hand, rigid thinkers can be a little shallow. They seldom stop to question whether an idea or an action really holds up. They expect everything to happen in an orderly, set way. That makes creativity very hard for them, and they tend to repeat themselves.

Fluid minds

Fluid minds are the opposite. They struggle to stay consistent, so they simply adapt to whatever is going on around them, taking the shape of whatever container they are in. This is typical of people who have given up any sense of control over their circumstances, or who feel they need someone to steer them. They find it hard to make decisions and harder still to take a stand. Not knowing what to think, they hand the job to others who seem to have the certainty they lack.

Flexible minds

Flexible minds adapt too, but not by passively accepting whatever happens. Their adapting is thoughtful and creative. They know how to find their place in reality without forcing their will on others, and without meekly giving in to others either. They are open to discussion, which means they can change their opinions and adjust their ideas. In a way, it is a humble mind. It does not believe it owns the truth, yet it does not give way to nonsense or error, because it has its own standards.

Worth remembering

Nobody has purely one kind of mind. We all carry a little of each, though one usually dominates. Nor is any of them simply a “bad” mind or a “good” one. Knowing the basics simply helps you understand yourself and others a little better.

You have some free time and want to put it to good use, instead of lounging about or scrolling on your phone. Now and then our busy lives ease up and hand us a few extra hours. There are plenty of ways to make the most of them.

Read the book you kept postponing

Pick up the book you always meant to read but never found the time for.

Tidy your living space

Sort out your room or your home and clear away the clutter.

Make or learn something

Write, paint, build something with your hands, or start learning a new skill or language.

Explore your own town

Visit an interesting corner of your town and learn about its culture and history.

Lend a hand

Join an event that is already happening, as a volunteer or a helper.

Help a charity

Visit a charitable organisation and offer some of your time to its work.

Share what you know

Gather the children in your neighbourhood and teach them a skill you are good at.

Every one of us has some good qualities and some weaker ones. It matters to know your best qualities clearly, because that knowledge serves you throughout life. Knowing and counting your strengths helps you improve them and put them to good use. Here is why it is worth doing.

It shows you where to grow

When you take stock of your best qualities, you learn your strong points and you also notice the areas where you fall short. That lets you work at turning the weak into strong, or at least making them better.

It builds self-confidence

When you know what you are good at, confidence follows naturally. Holding on to that confidence matters, because it helps you move forward and face whatever life brings.

It helps you know yourself

Know your best qualities well and keep a tally of them. Your best qualities are your strengths, and until you know what they are, you cannot use them. Knowing your strengths helps you make up for your weaknesses and keep moving ahead.

It lifts you on bad days

When things do not go your way, perhaps at work or in your studies, you may start to feel you have fewer good qualities than you thought. Reminding yourself of your strengths at such moments helps you feel better about yourself and carry on.

Two cats were walking towards each other along a narrow path. When they met, neither would let the other go first. They simply stood there, yowling at each other.

“Let me through first,” said one.

“No! I got here first,” said the other.

“No, I am wiser than you, so you must show me respect.”

“I am stronger.”

From shouting to fighting

Before long the yowling became a brawl. The two cats were scratching and biting each other. A little later, a wiser cat came by. He watched them for a moment and began to laugh.

The two fighters stopped and stared at him in surprise. “Why are you laughing?” they asked.

“I am laughing at you and the way you are behaving,” he said. “You are wasting your time and hurting each other just because neither of you will let the other pass. This path is wide enough for both of you to get by. Why are you fighting? Have you nothing better to do?”

“It is a matter of honour and power,” the two cats replied.

What real strength looks like

The wise cat smiled. “Do you need to prove you are the stronger one? Who cares? Someone who is truly strong and sure of themselves does not need to show it to anyone. They feel good about who they are, and others sense their strength and respect them out of affection, not fear. There is life, there is good food, there are wonderful things to enjoy and to do, and here you stand, face to face, yelling, scratching and fighting. Is that sensible? Open your eyes and grow up. Does it really matter who reaches the other side first? Is it worth all these scratches and bites? You are spending your time, your energy and your health on nonsense. Look around: the other animals are laughing at you.”

The two cats were lost for words. What the wise cat said made sense, and they went their ways along the path without another argument.

Something almost magical happens when you let other people talk about themselves, their lives and what matters to them. They respect you. They see you as sincere. They open up. After all, everyone wants to be heard.

Your turn will come

Before long, the conversation turns. They want to know you better. They want to understand what moves you. They want to connect with your story. And just like that, a friendship begins to grow.

What it does for you

In the quiet loneliness that touches every life, shining the light on someone else, letting that person be seen, heard and treated as special, becomes a joy in itself. It feels deeply satisfying. It certainly feels purposeful, and finding purpose matters. Imagine who you become when you give meaning to people in those moments. It brings a calm, quiet confidence that nothing else can give.

It is worth remembering too that anyone who stands in the spotlight for long can easily lose their way. Stepping aside to let others shine keeps us grounded.

Work can feel ordinary and boring if that is how you treat it. Yet if you take a positive approach and make a point of taking an interest in what you do, the same work can easily become a happy experience. Here is how.

Do what you enjoy

Hardly anyone would argue with this. If your work is something you love and genuinely care about, half your worries are already settled. So the first step is to look for, or move towards, work that truly interests you.

Go easy on yourself

Remind yourself that you, like every other human being, are allowed to make mistakes. When things go wrong, do not let it upset or discourage you, because sooner or later you will learn to do them well. Until then, take it easy and give yourself some breathing room.

Keep some warmth in your working relationships

Yes, you need to be professional about your work and with the people you work alongside, but not every moment of the day. Colleagues can become good friends. Meet them and chat during breaks. It will lift your spirits, and you will have more than one reason to look forward to going in, which will keep you happy for a long time.

A cheerful attitude and a sincere interest in your work can turn an ordinary day into a good one.

If you want more peace in your relationships, begin with the way you relate to yourself. The relationship of your dreams, one with real connection where you feel loved, accepted and valued just as you are, is entirely possible once you see that it starts with you.

The thought patterns and limiting beliefs that stop you from opening up to a full and rewarding partnership are simply habits of the mind. You can take those habits apart and build new ones that let you drop the restless chatter of the mind and find lasting peace and contentment with the people you love.

Stop resisting

When you resist what is, you quietly resist your own ability to create harmony. You set yourself against your partner when they show you where they stand on their own path, and without meaning to you create a mood of non-acceptance. That always breeds tension. The tension fades once you deliberately move into acceptance.

Bring gentleness and compassion

When you are gentle and compassionate, your connection deepens naturally, because both qualities grow from trust and kindness. Gentleness lets you respond instead of leaping into reactions and assumptions, and it opens up a flow of conversation that is free from fear. Compassion brings grace: you give your partner room to work through their own process. Your understanding grows out of love, out of your wish for harmony, and out of knowing that most people have never been shown a good example of this kind of love.

Understand, then respond

Peace between two people grows out of understanding, which is not the same as agreement. It simply means seeing and accepting where the other person is coming from. When clarity is the base of how you talk to each other, you can grow together without worrying that your words will be misread.

Deep down you usually know when something has been taken the wrong way or misunderstood, and those are the moments when trouble seems to appear from nowhere. Before it does, name the feeling and do your best to make your intention completely clear.

Do not let loneliness defeat you. Defeat the loneliness instead, and step out of the grip of sorrow and disappointment.

Loneliness is a pain that weighs heavily on the mind. If you sense it creeping in, these steps can help you deal with it.

Give your time to others

Volunteering brings you into contact with new people, and it also offers the chance to feel for others. Look for a local children’s home, a club, a charity or any group that helps people without seeking reward or payment. The unselfish work you do will broaden your outlook and lift you out of loneliness quickly. It will also make you feel good about yourself.

Try new hobbies

Perhaps you already keep a few pastimes that keep you company when you feel alone. Deep loneliness, though, can make even favourite pastimes feel dull. So explore something new, something you have never tried. Play a sport you have never played, or set off on a short hike. Let yourself loose and discover the wide world around you. You will not feel lonely for long.

Join a club

If you have felt isolated lately because there is little to do or you have few friends, perhaps after moving to a new town, joining a club is one of the best remedies. Choose one built around activities you enjoy, and you will meet plenty of like-minded people. You will connect with some of them at once and make a few good friends. That alone will help you feel lively again.

Learn to enjoy your own company

Last but not least, one of the best answers to loneliness is to start loving time on your own. Enjoying solitude is an art in itself. Once you learn to like being alone, you may find that solitude is actually good for you. There is so much you can do on your own. You answer to nobody for what you choose. You do not have to weigh up other people’s opinions and moods when you make plans. Once you see these advantages, you will stop feeling bad about being alone.