Whatever your situation, remember that real success comes from continuing to try until you arrive where you want to be.

Life never stands still. Circumstances shift all the time: sometimes they are excellent, sometimes ordinary, and sometimes very hard. Some situations cannot be changed, and with those it is wiser to accept them and keep moving anyway. Here are the reasons not to give up.

You can always begin again

Giving up says the thing cannot be done. But while you are alive, the possibilities have no end. Whatever has happened, and however your first attempts turned out, a fresh start is always available. You can always decide to rekindle your drive and follow what you care about.

It is still possible

Do not quit, because you can still make it happen. Whatever your dream is, know that you have what it takes to achieve it. If you can picture it clearly in your mind, you can make it real. Keep going, and in time you will reach what you most want.

You already have what you need

You hold every resource required to get what you want from life. Excuses do not stand up. Anything worth having has to be worked for; nobody will hand it to you on a plate. So stop explaining why you cannot chase your dreams. Where there is determination, a way appears. The time, the money and the opportunity are there, if you search a little harder for them.

Success feels wonderful

You owe it to yourself to keep going. Achievement is one of the best feelings there is, and quitting takes that away from you. To have success, or at least a fair chance of tasting it, keep trying whatever the circumstances.

Others are watching

By carrying on and working hard, you set an example. You become an inspiration to many people, who are then encouraged to go after what they want and to stop treating giving up as a choice.

Avoid the later regret

Quitting when things turn against you really means wanting the result without putting in the work. Nothing worthwhile comes easily. Work is the only road to anything you truly want. Give up now and you will regret it later. If you do not want regrets in years to come, do what needs doing while you still have the time.

Two sisters, both in middle age, were making a long train journey from one end of the country to the other. Bad weather forced the train to stop at a small station halfway, where it had to wait until conditions eased and the line was cleared. The passengers were stuck on board for hours.

The older sister

The older sister was irritated and fed up. She complained sharply to the guards, who could do nothing about it either. She sulked without pause and became a nuisance to everyone travelling with her.

The younger sister

The younger sister would not let the hold-up spoil her mood. She moved cheerfully through the train, made friends, swapped jokes, played with the children, got people singing in one carriage after another, and generally lifted everyone’s spirits.

Strangers warmed to her. They shared their food, asked her to join them, and threw themselves into the games she organised to keep everyone amused.

Journey’s end

When the train at last pulled into its final station, the older sister was gloomy, low and worn out. As far as she was concerned, the whole trip had been a waste of time.

The younger sister had enjoyed herself enormously. She had made plenty of new friends, had fresh experiences, and kept her good mood and good humour the whole way.

What made the difference

The younger sister enjoyed the trip in spite of the delay and discomfort because she made the most of the moment she was in. The older sister was unhappy because she was waiting for her surroundings to improve. She had put her happiness off until some later point when everything would be just right.

Every day brings each of us a share of problems, obstacles, rewards and successes. Given that, living in the present opens up the most of what life has to offer. We can pay attention to what is going on around us and enjoy the small pleasures that are available right here, right now. Yet most of us stay caught up in old griefs, regrets and failures, or in worries about the future.

The past is finished. The future has not arrived. The only thing that is real is this moment, so use it well. Take hold of these moments, because none of them will come round again. Take hold of the now.

A monkey once lived a happy, easy life in the jungle. When he was hungry he ate ripe fruit, and when he was tired he rested.

One day he wandered up to a house and spotted a bowl of the loveliest apples he had ever seen. He grabbed one in each hand and raced back into the trees. When he sniffed them, they had no smell at all. When he bit into one, it hurt his teeth. The apples were carved from wood. Still, they were beautiful, and when the other monkeys noticed them, he only gripped them tighter.

Too precious to put down

He carried his treasures proudly through the forest. They shone red in the sunlight and looked flawless to him. He grew so attached to them that at first he did not even notice he was getting hungry.

The sight of a fruit tree jogged his memory, but he could feel the apples in his hands and could not stand to put them down to pick anything. Nor could he ever relax, since he always had to guard them. So on he went along the jungle paths, prouder than before and a good deal less happy.

The moment he let go

The apples seemed to weigh more with every step, and the poor monkey began to wonder about leaving them behind. He was worn out and hungry, and with both hands full he could neither climb nor gather food. What if he simply dropped them?

Throwing away something so valuable felt like madness, but what choice did he have? He was exhausted. When he reached the next fruit tree and caught the scent of real fruit, that settled it. He let the wooden apples fall, reached up for his dinner, and was happy once more.

Our own wooden apples

We are often like that monkey, hauling around things that feel too precious to give up. Picture a man who holds on to the idea of himself as someone who is always productive, carrying it like a gleaming wooden apple. In truth, all that busyness leaves him drained and hungry for a better life. Even so, putting it down feels unthinkable. Even his worries become treasured apples, proof that he is doing everything he possibly can, and he clutches them without being able to stop.

Ask yourself what you are holding that looks beautiful and feeds you nothing. Your hands have to be empty before they can reach for what nourishes you.

Everyone has to deal with their demons at some point. When life gets especially hard, it can feel as if they have the upper hand. Yet while you are still alive and breathing, you have not lost.

We all know those voices in our heads, the moods and feelings that throw a shadow over us and spill out into how we live. Those are our inner demons. Everyone fights them in one form or another: fear, sadness, anxiety, frustration, disappointment. They torment us and keep us from happiness, peace, love and hope. As in any fight, there are two choices. You can hide from them, or you can stand up, face them and beat them.

You cannot run for ever

There is no escaping the decisions you keep delaying, the plans you keep postponing, or the things you keep putting off. A mind in turmoil will not find peace. If something keeps haunting your thoughts, let it go. Stop agonising over what is beyond your control. Meet whatever is filling your head with courage and self-respect, and become the thing your worst fears are afraid of.

Stay positive

Choose optimism and learn to expect good things. Inner demons feed on weakness, so the stronger you feel, the easier those dark emotions are to beat. Success comes when you put your attention on what is going right rather than what is going wrong. Dwelling on everything bad and casting yourself as the victim of your own story only feeds the demons and digs you deeper into the hole.

Believe in yourself

Trust in yourself and your abilities is strong enough to overcome whatever negative thoughts come along. The aim is not to tame your mind or police every thought. It is a way of limiting the damage to your inner peace, so that your thinking stays clear, your actions stay productive and your demons stay quiet.

Make friends with them

Some battles never end in victory, only in stalemate. When that happens, stop fighting and let the difficulty sit beside you. Get to know it. You will certainly learn something, and you will come out tougher for it.

Peace is earned, not bought

However different we are, we all want the same thing: peace of mind. We take different roads to the same place, and still we quarrel over the route. Some reach it; others spend their lives trying. Inner peace is a condition of the mind, and you will not find it in money, romance, children or fame. You have to earn it. The moment you accept that you cannot buy it, take it or wish it into being, it starts to become yours. The quickest way to peace is to make friends with your own mind.

The ancient strategist Sun Tzu held that if you know both your enemy and yourself, you need not fear a hundred battles. Know only yourself, and every victory will come with a defeat. Know neither, and you will lose every time.

Much of our energy goes into keeping things out of our lives: illness, disappointment, money trouble. Yet there are plenty of good things we could invite in that would make life richer. Here are ten worth having.

1. Awareness

Use all your senses to take in what surrounds you. The natural world offers a great deal of joy every day, if we pause to look, listen, touch, taste and smell. The reward for this kind of attention is that we worry less about what is churning inside us. It is the gift of being present.

2. Self-love

What use are your talents and strengths to anyone if, at the end of the day, you do not care for yourself? You can succeed at work and still run yourself down about your looks or your qualities, and then you never fully enjoy the work you love. Learn to value yourself. It builds confidence and carries you further than you expected.

3. Self-worth

Few gifts to yourself matter more than recognising your own value. Seeing your worth comes before truly enjoying your life. The measure is not other people’s view or opinion of you; it is how you see yourself.

4. Love

Love may be the most important thing there is. It keeps us moving. It brings relationships alive, deepens friendships and lights a warmth in us that nothing else can replace. Letting love in makes you easier to love.

5. Compassion

Holding kindness and grace towards others is a fine thing. It brings harmony to the world and gentleness to our hearts. Reach out, share in others’ troubles, and help where you can, remembering that we are all part of something larger than ourselves.

6. Humility

Pride is hard to spot in yourself and harder still to fix. Rather than fretting over what you are trying to get rid of, focus on what you would like more of. Part of humility is owning up when you are wrong.

7. Laughter

Make room for it. Whatever kind of day it has been, and whatever else you feel you have failed at, allow yourself a proper laugh.

8. Serendipity

Stay alert to things that happen unexpectedly, even when they first look bad. A happy accident can arrive dressed as a lesson. Take it gratefully.

9. Optimism

The surest way to push out negativity is to bring in more positivity. Look at the brighter side. Things will be all right.

10. Generosity

Whether you give time, money or simply a patient ear, generosity is a wonderful quality to let in. It builds better relationships, keeps your own heart open, and helps someone who needs it.

Letting in is how we let go

Good things crowd bad things out. Love grows and makes room for more good while it pushes fear aside. Joy outweighs pain. The hard work of letting go gets easier. At the very least it is a matter of balance: taking in the good deserves as much effort as clearing out the bad.

Think of your mind as your home. Open the windows so change can come in. Clear out the loft and keep the rooms in order. Let only the people you choose through the front door, and do not be afraid to build an extension that adds to its worth.

Glance around where you live. Is it tidy? Is your room in order? Would you mind if it were cramped or falling apart? Most likely you would, and if you would not, it is worth asking why. That is where you live and where you spend most of your hours. All of this, of course, is a picture of your mind. Here is how to look after it.

Lay a foundation

You cannot build without a base, and you cannot grow without something to grow from. That base is your core beliefs. Without them, everything else can come apart. So ask what your deepest values are. Whatever they turn out to be, they are the beliefs that matter most to you. Hold them with confidence even when others disagree. If they work for you and keep your house standing, stand firm.

Separate your beliefs from inherited ones

Do you believe something only because you were brought up to? That can come from school, family or friends. Do you behave a certain way because your crowd does? It may be something as small as taste. Perhaps you grew up surrounded by one kind of music and find you love a completely different kind. Do not be afraid to discover who you really are.

Repair the cracks

If your walls cracked, you would not leave them, because untreated cracks spread and worsen. Treat yourself kindly, yes, but above all deal with the worries and problems that sit on your mind and drag you down.

Explore every room

Wander through this inner house and discover something fresh: a new interest or hobby, or an ability you did not know was there. You may never have imagined running five kilometres or cooking a meal from scratch. Do not set limits on yourself. Go outside, too, and explore other people’s minds. Share your ideas and values with them and open yourself to theirs.

Keep harmful guests out

Protecting your house from damage matters. Work out whether anyone in your life is filling your head with negative or poisonous thoughts, and keep them at the door.

Match the outside to the inside

Be true to yourself; this is about being genuine. In the language of the house, do not put a sleek modern front on a dusty old interior. Dress the way you want, say what you mean and share what you feel. Nobody put you here to please everybody. Show people who you truly are.

Mind what you think

Negative thinking only breeds more of the same. Let yourself think about situations, other people or yourself in a belittling way and it spoils the most precious place you have, your mind. Regular quiet reflection, even a few minutes a day, makes it easier to steer the thoughts you produce. Treat your body with the same care and respect you would give any place you hold dear.

Before you pour years into becoming a copy of the people you admire, weigh a few reasons not to. You may find that you are more remarkable than any of them.

Wanting to be a little more like someone you look up to is fine. Wanting all the time to be somebody else is not healthy. You are an original, not a photocopy. Put your effort into becoming the best version of yourself and you will find you are far happier.

It simply cannot be done

However closely you copy someone’s looks or behaviour, something about you will always be different. That is the plainest reason to stop. The attempt is bound to fail however hard you work at it. You can resemble someone, but you will always carry traits that set you apart. Why sign up for a failure you do not need?

It wears you down over time

Think about what happens when you fail at something again and again. Sooner or later your spirits sink. Many people who spend their lives trying to become another person end up under long-lasting emotional strain: low mood, anxiety, even a pulling away from other people. The result is an unhappy life. You have a good life of your own waiting. Live that one instead of somebody else’s.

You drive away the people who care

Focused on becoming someone else, you push away the people who love you for who you are. The harder you force the change on yourself, the more you shut them out, and you start chasing friendships with people you think will help you transform. In the end you lose the very people who would help you be yourself. Do not swap the people who matter most for a dream that cannot come true.

You lose your way

Eventually you realise you cannot become the other person. By then, the longer you have tried, the harder it is to find your way back to who you were. People fixated on becoming someone else often end up lost, with no idea what they want or who they want to be, and some never recover their direction. You have a path of your own. Follow it, and happiness follows.

You do not really know them

Whoever your idol is, you do not truly know them. You do not see their struggles, hopes, failures and wins. Their life may look perfect, but it is not; they have troubles like the rest of us. Their own particular experiences shaped them. Yours have been different, and they have made you a different person. So skip the pointless drama and concentrate on your own life.

Happiness only fits one way

Nobody else was ever meant to be you. Force yourself into another person’s shape and you will always feel out of place and ill at ease. You might look happy from the outside while feeling less than happy inside. Playing someone else can be fun for a while, but the shine wears off fast and leaves you unsure of your own identity. You deserve happiness, and the only happiness that fits is your own.

Clinging to old injuries and grudges harms nobody except you. Learning to release anger and forgive is how you get your freedom back.

Everyone gets angry now and then. Anger is not wrong in itself. It is an ordinary emotion, and letting it out is healthy. Handled carelessly, though, and especially when it is left unresolved, it causes trouble.

Let the anger out, the right way

Anger rising inside you is frustrating and it hurts. Sometimes the urge is to strike out and wound someone. Other times you push it down and bury it. Both are unhealthy. Anger needs expressing, but in a way that lets you release it, let go and move on.

Give yourself permission to feel it fully. Name the anger, and the hurt beneath it. The usual advice really does help: have a good cry, shout into a pillow, work up a sweat, or write it all down in a journal. These may sound worn out, but they have lasted because they work.

Anger is often aimed at a particular person. Talking to the one who wronged you can help. You cannot control how they react, but you get the chance to say how you feel, and that alone may help you let go.

Work towards forgiveness

Once the anger has been let out, forgiveness can begin. Forgiving does not cancel the other person’s responsibility for what they did. It does bring peace to everyone involved, and it is good for your heart in every sense.

How do you get there when the wound runs deep? Take your time. Forgiveness rarely arrives in a single moment. It is a process, so allow yourself to go slowly. You may still need time to grieve and think over what happened. Saying the words out loud, again and again, can get things moving. It works like an affirmation: repeated often enough, the idea settles into your mind and starts to shape how you feel.

Choose it on purpose

Deciding to forgive shows that you, not the other person, are running your life. It also frees up the energy the grudge was eating. While you withhold forgiveness, you stay tied to the person who hurt you. Even after the anger cools, they keep a place in your thoughts. Forgive, and that tie is cut. The thoughts and feelings knotted around them and the event can finally turn to something better, which frees you both.

Enjoy the freedom

Once you let go and forgive, you are properly free. Your outlook and attitude shift noticeably, as though a heavy load has come off your back. You may even wonder why you held on for so long. If so, do not punish yourself for the delay. It is all part of growing in compassion, understanding and wisdom. Take the lessons with you, along with the new sense of freedom.

Forgiveness gives twice

Forgiving does as much good for the one who forgives as for the one forgiven. The person who was wronged most needs to put down the anger and grief they carry.

Becoming more aware, in every part of your life, is a rewarding journey. A wider awareness breaks through the walls built by habit, by the way we happen to see things, and by beliefs that are simply wrong.

Raising your awareness gives you the power to build a happier, more satisfying life. It means opening yourself to new possibilities, getting back in touch with who you really are, making room for the best in you and, above all, releasing the pain and hurt that have been holding you back. Here are some simple ways to begin.

Find out who you are

The poet Allen Ginsberg urged people to follow their own inner light and not hide what makes them different. To find yourself, first study yourself. Discovering the real you is an eye-opening experience. You are not what society told you to be, and you are not your job title or your labels. Do not try to be someone else or live inside those illusions. Cut your ties with pretence. Honesty with yourself is itself a step up in awareness.

Look inward

Have the courage to observe yourself and think about what you see. Looking inward helps you understand your thoughts and feelings and gives you clarity about where your life stands now. It is an important step in growing. Admit your problems and look for ways to solve them.

Practise compassion

Compassion may be the single most effective exercise for widening your awareness. Being kind to yourself and to others helps you forgive other people, and it also helps you get past your own negative thoughts and feelings.

Keep your ego in its place

Ego is only a small part of who you are. Awareness is the larger, better self. Ego works like an infection on that larger self, a blockage that stops it growing, though it can be cured. Ego gets in the way of clear, deliberate choices. Keep asking yourself whether it is really you speaking, or your ego.

Spend time alone

You need to catch up with yourself. Many of us treat being alone as a danger, or as a chance to brood over the emptiness. Time spent in your own company lets your inner voice be heard. Listen to it and follow it. Take a walk and hear your own thoughts, be thankful for everything you have, listen to music, or throw yourself into a hobby that lifts you.

Get close to nature

Notice the sound of leaves in the wind, the colours of flowers, tall trees, clouds that never hold the same shape, and moving water. Be grateful for the natural world around you, because time spent in it is never wasted. Out there you can feel a deep calm and a sense of belonging, and often the answers you have been looking for arrive in that calm.

Meditate and move

Meditation gives you a direct route to a deeper awareness of yourself. Even a simple practice does a great deal for mind and body. It helps you reconnect with yourself, steadies your thoughts and emotions, lowers stress, and brings joy and clarity. Regular exercise supports the same calm.

As the writer Rasheed Ogunlaru has put it, the world does not need changing nearly as much as our own awareness needs raising.

Compassion is the feeling of sharing another person’s suffering, joined to a wish to ease it. It shows up as particular kindness towards people who are hurting.

It grows out of empathy and is usually visible in what we do. A compassionate person tries to help those they feel for. A compassionate act is one that takes someone else’s pain into account and tries to lighten it as though it were your own. That is what separates compassion from other kinds of helpfulness or decency: its aim is the relief of suffering.

Real compassion takes effort, and the effort is worth it. The writer Ralph Waldo Emerson saw one of life’s finest rewards in this: nobody can honestly try to help another person without also helping themselves.

Listen, and only listen

While someone talks, most of us are rehearsing our reply and waiting for a gap to jump in. Try simply listening. Drop every judgement and give the person all of your attention. There is great healing in telling someone your darkest secret, being properly heard, and still being loved.

Answer the feeling, not the words

Angry words can be covering fear. Blame can be hiding guilt. Argue with what someone literally said and they often dig in harder. Try to understand the emotion underneath and respond to that, and they start to trust you and open up.

Keep your own support around you

We can only give love without conditions when we are also receiving it. Go out, spend time with people you love, and keep living your own life. Refill yourself, or you will have nothing left to give.

See all of them

When a person you care about is sliding down a bad path, it is easy to forget everything good about them. At that moment, deliberately recall one strength they have, perhaps their loyalty, their humour or their patience. Look at the whole person, not the worst of them.

Put yourself in their place

Suffering is shared by everyone. Nearly all of us have known joy and pain. The details differ from person to person, but the themes do not. Recall a time you went through something similar. Dwell on it and remember each feeling and worry you had, and how badly you wanted understanding and kindness from someone walking the same road. Do this often, until it becomes second nature.

Assume there is pain you cannot see

We rarely know what another person is carrying inside. So when someone irritates or offends you, stop for a moment and allow for the possibility that they are struggling with something you know nothing about.

Forgive yourself as well

Turn the same compassion inward. Nobody is perfect. Go easy on yourself when you fall short, because you are as human as anyone else. If your intentions and efforts point the right way most of the time, things will come right in the end.

Make it a daily practice

Reflect on compassion in the morning, keep it in mind as you deal with people during the day, and look back on it at night. Done this way, it stops being an occasional feeling and becomes part of who you are. Love and compassion are not extras for good times; people cannot do without them. Kindness can be your whole philosophy, and it needs no complicated system to support it.