Tag: Young Adults

Long ago, a king had a large boulder placed in the middle of a road. Then he hid nearby and watched to see whether anyone would clear it away.

Some of the richest merchants and courtiers in the kingdom came along and simply walked around it. Plenty of people complained loudly that the king did not keep his roads clear. Not one of them did anything about the stone.

The man with the vegetables

Then a farmer came by, carrying a heavy load of vegetables. When he reached the boulder, he put his load down and tried to push the stone off the road. It took a great deal of pushing and straining, but in the end he managed it.

Returning to gather his load, he spotted a purse on the ground in the very spot the boulder had occupied. It held many gold coins, along with a note from the king. The gold, the note said, was for whoever moved the boulder out of the road.

What the story teaches

Every obstacle we meet in life carries a chance to make our situation better. While some people stand around complaining, others are creating opportunities through kindness, generosity and a willingness to simply get the job done.

The next time something blocks your path, it is worth asking whether you are walking around it, complaining about it, or putting down your load and pushing.

Healthy self-love is the balance point between low self-esteem, which is a shortage of self-love, and grandiosity, which is an inflated, false self-love that covers up for the lack of the real thing. Changing your mind, body and inner life starts with growing genuine self-love. Here are six keys.

First key: Become aware of yourself

What do you keep telling yourself? Do you listen to your thoughts, sift them and question them?

Second key: Look after your body

Your body serves you and represents you. Treat it with the care you would give something precious. If you do not, you are unlikely to build self-love. Harming your body works directly against it and defeats the purpose. Your body does not just serve you, it also shows the world who you are. Treat it with respect.

Third key: Refine your inner life

When you connect with your deeper self, something shifts inside. It does not matter what you believe, or whether you believe in anything at all. What matters is that you have some daily practice that refines you within. If you do not already have one, such as quiet reflection or meditation, explore what is out there or create your own. You can begin at any age. For some it is playing or listening to music that lifts the spirit. For others it is a mix of things. Make time to build your relationship with yourself by doing something that uplifts you.

Fourth key: Make time for yourself

Every day you need some time alone to feel centred. Far from being selfish, it is vital to your wellbeing. Use it to develop your thinking and sharpen your sensitivity, perhaps on a quiet walk in nature or in some still time alone. It is the best investment you can make in yourself.

Fifth key: Find your purpose

What is your life for? Are you simply waiting for the weekend, or for the next television show? Or is there something deeper and bolder, a goal bigger than yourself that shapes the person you hope to become and what you want to say to the world? Write a personal mission statement that fits your values. It is the next step in growing as a person and in finding happiness, because it tells the world who you are.

Sixth key: Treat every day as practice

In the end, a lifetime is the total of what you did, what you lived through and where your hours went. What would you like people to remember about you? Each day is a chance to practise being that person. How you use it is a question only you can answer.

Why it is worth it

• You deserve to be loved without conditions, whatever you have done.
• Self-love brings a natural confidence and warmth that draw people to you and help you succeed.
• It enriches not only your own world but other people’s too, and lets you influence them in a meaningful, positive way.
• You come to rely on your own judgement instead of searching elsewhere for answers, approval or rescue. That is real freedom.

Getting the most out of every day comes down to planning. People who manage their time well are the ones who have productive days. Here is how you can reach your full potential, one day at a time.

Keep the big picture in view

We live surrounded by distractions, and it is easy to get swept up in the stress and frustration of daily life. That is why it matters to stay focused on what you actually want. How does that larger picture look to you? Which goals do you want to reach? To make the most of each day, you first need to know what that bigger picture is.

Plan your days

Deciding how you want to spend each day is central to making it count. Without a plan, you get pushed around and drift without direction. Living up to your potential means arranging your day around what matters to you. Keep your eyes on what counts most to you. Try planning the week ahead every Sunday evening, so you can see your schedule before the week begins.

Manage your time

Planning and good time management together are what bring out your best each day. When you map out your day and decide how to use your time, you not only get more done but also find extra time for the things you enjoy. Learning to manage time matters for a deeper reason too: when you value yourself, you value how you spend your hours.

One more thing ties it all together. A positive attitude helps you stay focused on what you want to achieve every day, and turns a well planned day into a well lived one.

How you experience the world happens in the privacy of your own mind. You rule that inner space, so it pays to notice what kind of mental climate you are building for yourself.

Negative thoughts can stir up anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy and a whole range of other feelings. Thinking negatively now and then is normal. But when it never stops, it can drag a person into deep unhappiness and harmful behaviour. Our thoughts come and go so fast that catching them can seem impossible. With awareness, and a gentle attitude towards ourselves, we can still steer the negative ones towards something better.

The story of two wolves

An old folk tale shows the biggest contest we ever face: good thoughts against bad ones.

An old man was teaching his grandson about life. He told the boy that a fight was raging inside him, a terrible fight between two wolves. The first wolf was everything dark in us: rage, jealousy, grief, regret, greed and arrogance, along with pity for oneself, guilt and bitterness, feeling small or feeling superior, lying, vanity and ego. The second wolf was everything bright: joy, peace, love and hope, serenity and humility, kindness, goodwill and empathy, generosity, honesty, compassion and faith. That same struggle, he said, goes on within the boy and within every human being.

The boy thought for a moment and asked which wolf would win.

The old man answered simply: the one you feed.

Guard the gate of your mind

To build a good inner world, you have to become the gatekeeper of your own mind. Changing your mental habits and the way you talk to yourself is not easy. Happiness depends on having an alert inner referee who lets in only what truly helps you. Without regular, careful reflection, you may already have woven a web of unhealthy thinking without noticing.

Stop feeding on junk

A steady diet of stressful and anger stoking material does your mind no favours. Constantly filling it with this mental junk food will quickly reshape your thinking for the worse. Break that cycle now. How good your inner life feels is something you can change.

Confidence is an odd quality. Too much of it becomes arrogance, and too little becomes self-doubt. Confident people tend to be relaxed and to meet life head on, compared with those who think poorly of themselves. Here are the truths they never lose sight of.

Keep the balance

Being confident means knowing who you are and what you can achieve. Picture your goal resting on a seesaw. As long as both ends stay level, held there by integrity and honest intentions, you usually reach what you set out to do.

Prepare well

Confident people know that preparation is ninety percent of the work. The last ten percent is simply getting on with the task. Think of a skilled baker: she is sure her pastry will turn out beautifully because she has already sifted the flour, softened the butter and eggs, heated the oven and set everything out before she starts.

Make no excuses

They do not blame others for what they do, and they own their actions. You may have failed at something, but that is no reason to push the work onto someone else. A bad day, or waking up in a foul mood, is not an excuse.

Accept that mistakes happen

However prepared you are, things still go wrong. The baker might sneeze while adding an ingredient and ruin the whole batch. That does not shake her, because she knows she is still a good baker. She is simply human. Confidence means knowing she can bake another batch after one, two or even three failures.

Be your own person

Confident people accept themselves. They have the courage to act alone and do not lean on others to feel complete. Be original, and do not give up your values just to fit in.

Stay away from negativity

Keep your distance from people who are not on your wavelength, or you may find yourself in constant friction with them. Keeping clear of the negativity helps keep negative thoughts away too.

Respect others

Truly confident people know that respecting other people’s abilities and individuality reflects well on them many times over. Confidence without ego means you do not see yourself as better than everyone else. Confidence mixed with ego throws you off balance, and your hopes come crashing down.

Welcome change

We often avoid thinking about endings because they make us anxious. We also tend to forget that life keeps changing, and so do we. We feel safe when things stay the same, so we cling to what we know. The truth is that change has to be embraced.

Let go of pleasing everyone

Confident people know they will meet some people they simply do not get along with, and they are at peace with that. Accepting that you cannot please everyone saves a great deal of time and trouble. They keep their focus on the strong relationships they already have and on being thankful for them.

Release the need to control

Sometimes things do not work out the way we hoped. That does not mean life is terrible. Confident people choose to keep their attention on what is still good, even then.

Behind all of this sits one simple idea: goals beat dreams. Confidence grows from working towards something and reaching it, then doing the same again, until your mind knows the routine of moving from wanting to having. To reach a goal, you have to move.

Nobody can be liked by everyone, and some people simply do not get along. That is perfectly fine. Sometimes, though, it really matters that a particular person warms to you. They might matter to someone dear to you, or they might be the person you report to. In any case, here are some ways to win over someone who seems to dislike you.

Check that it really is dislike

Some people are just quiet, or naturally reserved with everyone. It is only real dislike if they keep being rude to you and go out of their way to make your life harder. Before you do anything, compare how they treat you with how they treat others, and do not overreact.

Talk to them directly

Sometimes the straightforward route is the best one. Choose a good moment and calmly ask why the two of you seem to have started off badly.

Look honestly at your own part

Was it something you said or did? Think about how you generally behave and about your past dealings with this person. If their dislike turns out to be your fault, consider saying sorry and starting again.

Try kindness

Give warmth a chance, even when they are being unpleasant. Be kind to them a few times and see whether they meet you halfway. Do not go overboard. Give them a fair chance to respond in kind, and if they do not, simply keep a polite distance.

Keep things normal

Speak to them the way you would to anyone else. At the start of the week, ask how their days off went. You do not need to sit beside them and chatter. One friendly gesture a day can go a long way towards changing how they feel about you.

We tend to believe that the material world is what makes us happy. So we keep chasing money, high paying jobs, a bigger house and more things. But happiness is mostly a matter of choice, and there are simple ways to choose it.

Be joyful

To be the master of your mind, keep the negative out and let the positive in. Train your thinking so that it takes note of every happy thought and leaves no room for the gloomy ones. This does not mean pretending that problems do not exist. It means deciding which thoughts get to stay and settle.

Let love guide your way

Love does not have to be kept only for your family or your partner. You can share it with anyone, by helping strangers in trouble and being kind to them. You will overflow with good feeling when you go out of your way to help someone.

Turn inward

The quickest route to feeling happy for no particular reason is to connect with your inner self and find peace from within. Stepping back a little from outside things while staying aware of yourself works wonders.

Put together, the message is a gentle one. Happiness is not a prize at the end of a long chase. It is a habit of the mind, a kindness passed to others and a quiet place within that you can return to at any time.

Everyone has ambitions and dreams. By their very nature they are hard to reach, and some can even look impossible. Yet it is possible to turn them into reality.

Start at the beginning

One way to reach your dreams is to start right at the start. There is a lot of work between here and the finish, and dreams do not come true just like that. So be patient and determined from day one. See your dream as a series of steps to take one at a time, until the whole picture finally comes together.

Believe in yourself

You need faith in yourself and plenty of self confidence. Opportunities do not just drop into your lap. Successful people have made their own openings and always believed they could succeed. If you expect your dreams to come true as if by magic, they will stay dreams. You have to believe you can do it. And unlike dreams, goals are things we actively aim at.

Take a leap of faith, with your feet on the ground

Somewhere along the way you may have to take a leap of faith. One key to reaching your dreams is to keep them rooted in reality. That sounds like a contradiction, but being realistic raises your chances of success. There is little point dreaming of being a model if you are short, or of running a shop if you do not enjoy dealing with customers face to face.

Be determined

You must be very determined to reach your dreams. You will get nowhere by waiting for them to happen. Stay single minded and focused, even when the going is tough and the people around you offer no encouragement.

Work towards your goals

Dreams are not achieved in an instant, so they will probably take several stages. That works in your favour, because you can focus on one stage at a time and see yourself moving closer. It will certainly be hard work, so be ready for the effort it will take. Do not let anyone flatten your goals. Keep your focus and your resolve fixed on what you are after. Effort, in the end, is always repaid.

Nothing comes easy

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and it is easy to lose heart at how long the road feels. When you seem nowhere near your dream, remind yourself that it will take time and effort, and that you will feel a real sense of achievement when you do succeed.

Call it laziness, sloth, idleness or anything you like. Doing nothing when things need doing is usually seen as weakness or dodging. Living that way is unhealthy, and learning to do things we do not want to do is a key part of succeeding.

Sometimes laziness shows up because you would rather not face something, like a dull chore or a difficult conversation. At other times you feel overwhelmed and believe the job needs a whole team rather than just you.

Kept in check, a bit of laziness is not a bad thing at all. Left to grow, though, it takes a toll on who you are, on your output and on your life in general. That is why you need to spot when it is creeping in.

Realise it

Noticing is the first step. Look at your daily routine. Are you spending more time in bed than out of it? More time on things that lead nowhere than on things that matter? If the answer is yes, then you are leading a lazy life.

Make up your mind

Every achievement begins in the mind. Once you decide to beat laziness, the battle gets much easier. But that decision demands grit, and the resolve to hold firm once things turn hard. For many lazy people, deciding is a one time event: one day they resolve to be productive, and the next day they slip back into dull routines that mostly involve sleep. So stick by your decision.

Set goals

Goals make the decision much easier to keep. They can be about anything. What counts is not the goal itself but each step that brings you closer to it. When you know clearly what you want from life, taking the steps towards that goal or dream naturally pushes laziness out.

Remove distractions

Once your goals are set, find and remove whatever stands between you and reaching them. A distraction can be anything: your television, a friend who is just as idle, or your own bed. Anything that feeds your laziness, directly or indirectly, has to go.

Visualise

Your imagination strongly shapes your mind, your habits and your actions. Picture yourself doing the task with ease, energy and enthusiasm. Do this before you begin, and again whenever you feel sluggish or your mind whispers that you should give up.

It also helps to repeat a few simple lines to yourself: I can reach my goal. I have the energy and drive to do what I want or need to do. Doing things makes me stronger. Doing things makes things happen.

There is already plenty to celebrate. The flowers are in bloom, the birds are singing, the sun is up. You are breathing, you are alive, you are aware. Celebrate that.

Happiness lives inside us, and we have to get in touch with it to know what being happy really means. No amount of money, possessions or worldly success can bring happiness the way that inner source can.

Where celebration comes from

All of life invites you into a close relationship with it: the trees, the grass, the animals and every person you meet. Celebrating life does not come from the reasoning mind. It springs from the wonder of life itself, from sensing a power that keeps creating something new where nothing was before. It honours the marvels of the earth and the sky, and the joy that rises in your heart when your own child is born. To keep celebrating, try these.

Nurture the people around you

Make sure the people who matter most to you always know they are valued, appreciated and needed. Not only when we carefully pick a birthday card full of good wishes and thanks, but every single day, by telling them how lucky we feel to have them.

Be present in the moment

Life keeps asking you to respond, to engage, to be in a relationship with it. It reaches out and calls you to show up. Fear shuts off your ability to hear that call, and guarding yourself stops you reaching out to others. Yet other people keep reaching out to you all the time, ready to help and guide you.

Treat yourself and others

A treat means different things to different people: an ice cream, a massage, a walk in nature, a new pair of shoes. A job well done feels celebrated when it is rewarded. Simply being alive and trying your best deserves celebrating, and so do special days like a birthday or a big event. You deserve to celebrate yourself. Treats are also nice just because. A gift for no reason makes us feel special, so why not pass that feeling on to someone else?

Surround yourself with happiness

Listening to or playing uplifting music is one of the easiest ways to lift the mood around you. Open your eyes to the small details and savour what you see. Find beauty on a path you had stopped noticing. Enjoy the little things happening around you, because happiness depends less on how much we have than on how much we enjoy it. You do not need some grand act to change the world. You can start one step at a time, transforming the smallest corners of your own life or someone else’s.

Say yes to life

What better way to celebrate life than to live it? Saying yes to invitations lets us move with the flow of life and discover more of what it has to offer. Say yes to the things you have always wanted to do and the places you have always wanted to go. A yes often brings opportunities, wonderful new people and inspiring experiences. When you are unsure whether you should, say yes. Either way you will learn something, and you will create more moments worth celebrating.