Tag: Adults

It is often said that a keen reader lives a thousand lives. Each finished book widens your world and your thinking, and over time it reshapes who you are.

Plenty of people wish they read more. Some even start well and then let the habit fade out of plain inertia. If that sounds familiar, here are the rewards that might persuade you to make reading permanent.

It makes you sharper

Reading builds real intelligence. It equips you to hold your ground in any argument and to impress people with how much you know.

Your conversations improve

The quality of what you say rises sharply. With everything you have read, you always have something worth talking about, and you do not run dry.

It feeds creativity

Think of whatever you create as the finished product. Reading is the best raw material you can feed into your mind to make it.

Your vocabulary grows

It is close to a law of nature that reading enlarges your word stock, which makes you more articulate and better spoken.

People enjoy your company

Everyone likes spending time with someone well read. The knowledge you pick up from the finest minds in history becomes part of what you bring to the table.

Knowledge travels with you

Books go anywhere; that is their great advantage. If a stack of them feels heavy, an e-reader holds thousands of titles at once and runs for about a month on one charge.

It deepens empathy

Reading lifts us out of hard reality into imagination, where sorrow can become gladness, defeat can become achievement, hurt can ease into delight and dread can soften into hope. An unhappy person can set the unhappiness down for a while. Losing yourself in fiction and caring about its characters also teaches you to understand and feel for real people and their troubles.

Relationships get easier

Books bring you closer to human emotion. You grasp why people behave as they do and can approach your own relationships more calmly and rationally. A book is a loyal friend, and the reading habit can change a life.

It melts stress away

However heavy things are at home or at work, a good book is a shelter you can always step into, and it can carry you somewhere peaceful.

It helps you handle problems

Reading nudges you towards a practical outlook. You start seeing each part of your life from a wider and different angle, and that helps you tackle problems more accurately and more intelligently.

Life, as the writer Harold Kushner put it, is like a good book: the further you read, the more it makes sense.

Age, background and occupation aside, almost everyone wants to succeed. There is nothing wrong with that wish. Whether the arena is business or ordinary life, much of what we do is aimed at getting somewhere. Often there is a missing piece between wanting a goal and reaching it. Here are seven qualities, each beginning with D, that tend to supply it.

1. Determination

If we only want something, the first hard obstacle sends us looking for an easier prize, and we end up achieving nothing. Determination is the tool that stops this. Trying once more, and then once more, however many attempts it needs, calls for courage. Each attempt brings us nearer and shows the target more clearly. Without determination we get close and never arrive. Determination is what closes that last gap and improves us along the way.

2. Dedication

Commit yourself to excellence, and remember that excellence is a road, not a place you reach. Be ready to give up almost anything for the goal, except the things that carry you there: persistence, commitment, enthusiasm, diligence, tenacity, self-belief, appreciation and motivation. Above all, commit to learning for life and stay a student always. Put your time, energy, money and every other resource behind what you want.

3. Discipline

Discipline means doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, as well as it can be done. It also means following rules that exist for the good of both the individual and society. Everything has a process and a set of rules, and we follow them not only for ourselves but for the community we live in.

4. Decorum

Decorum is behaving well whatever the situation. Success depends on knowing how to conduct yourself in each setting, because people watch your actions and gestures all the time. A well-mannered person is welcomed everywhere. Decorum reveals character, and others judge where you come from by it.

5. Decency

Decency means being polite in speech, humble in action and efficient at work. Anyone who wants to succeed must be decent in every respect, and that decency shows in everything from how you behave to how you dress.

6. Devotion

Devotion must be sincere and honest. Success comes only to a person who is fully devoted to the work, doing each task wholeheartedly. People who treat their work as something close to sacred are the ones who rise.

7. Development

The seventh D is the destination of the other six. Follow those six and you move naturally towards development. Overall growth is emotional, inner, mental, physical and psychological growth taken together.

An extra D: deadline

Do not let your dreams become a comfortable hiding place you visit when life gets you down. Turn each dream into a goal and give it a deadline. Write the goals down. Doing so pushes you to make the dream real, instead of treating it as an escape from reality.

The path ahead keeps shifting, and the direction our life takes can turn dramatically at almost any moment, once we decide to actively steer it rather than drift along. Nothing about that direction happens on its own, without some effort from us. Each of us is the one shaping and holding on to our own path forward, a role nobody else is entitled to and nobody else can fill in our place. Getting there starts with a handful of deliberate steps.

Entertain the possibility

You do not need a deep, unshakeable conviction that your life can change. All it takes to begin is a willingness to consider that change might be possible, paired with genuine curiosity about a path you cannot yet fully see. Something as simple as telling yourself that you are open to changing the course of your life can open that door.

Listen to yourself

We need to pay closer attention to ourselves, starting with the small sparks of excitement that pass through us and that we too often postpone. Perhaps it is an urge to dance more, or to try something you keep telling yourself does not really matter. It matters more than it seems, because part of you needs it, and acting on it can ripple through your whole life, opening doors you never imagined. Those small sparks and quiet urges are destiny speaking, daring you to accept the invitation.

Connect more openly

Taking charge of your destiny also means opening your heart, little by little, and taking the risk of being more vulnerable with the people around you. This deepens your connection to yourself as much as to others. All of life is a shared creation, and the path your life takes is shaped the same way.

Never give up on yourself

Choosing to change your life invites resistance, often from a part of yourself that instantly tries to pull you back toward what feels familiar and safe. Old voices and old doubts can grow louder, and the approval of others can start to feel more important than the quiet call for something more within you. Expect to have to push through that resistance.

Aim high

Dream big, think beyond the obvious, and be willing to let go of who you currently are in order to grow into who you want to become. Once you commit to what you truly love, failure may still visit you along the way, but keep your attention on the happiness waiting for you once you arrive. The idea is captured well in a thought often traced to an early twentieth century American political figure, that destiny is shaped by deliberate choice rather than left to chance, and that it needs to be built through action rather than simply awaited.

Everyone carries a few issues, along with qualities and traits they are not proud of. Most of us know we are not perfect, and it is entirely natural to have thoughts, motivations or feelings that are less than flattering. The trouble starts when a person refuses to acknowledge these in themselves, and instead assigns them to someone else, labelling other people as angry, jealous or insecure. In psychological terms, this pattern of blaming and fault finding is called projection.

Recognising it from the receiving end

Being on the receiving end of a projection can be confusing and even maddening, especially when you know perfectly well that you are not the cause of the other person’s distress. Even people who are fairly self aware can find that certain sensitive subjects bring out unexpected projections. Someone anxious about their own finances might see a friend as extravagant. Someone determined to get in shape might find themselves preaching the benefits of exercise to anyone who will listen.

Ways to deflect it

It is not always possible to avoid people who tend to project their issues onto others, but mindfulness and a few quiet minutes of reflection can help deflect some of it. One useful mental habit is to picture wrapping yourself in a protective layer each day. At other times, it helps to consciously put up that shield the moment a projection comes your way, reminding yourself that the other person’s issue belongs to them, not to you.

Responding without taking it personally

It is genuinely difficult not to react when you are on the receiving end of a projection, but it helps to stay calm and to let the other person know, gently, if they are being unreasonable or disrespectful. Nobody enjoys being unfairly blamed. In the same way, it is worth staying alert to whether we ourselves are taking out frustrations on people who do not deserve it. The more we take ownership of our own thoughts, desires and feelings, the less likely we are to project our own issues or the qualities we refuse to own onto somebody else.

Writing a will is rarely a pleasant task. It means confronting your own mortality and planning ahead for a day you would rather not think about. Even so, putting one together properly protects the people who matter to you, and there are several factors worth keeping in mind while doing it.

A will is simply a legal document in which you, the testator, declare who will manage your estate once you are gone. That estate can range from significant assets such as a house to small items that carry sentimental value, such as photographs. The person named to carry out your wishes is called the executor, since it is that person who executes what you have stated.

Preparation

Decide whether to write the will yourself or have a lawyer prepare it. A lawyer is generally the safer route, since it avoids legal and technical errors that can surface later. Either way, prepare a full list of self-acquired assets, excluding anything inherited, covering both your home country and abroad, and classify each one as movable or immovable. Note any nominations already made on these accounts and holdings.

Personal information

The will should record your name, age and complete address as it appears on an identity document such as a PAN or Aadhaar card, along with the full names of your family members, how each is related to you, and their marital status, including your spouse and children if any.

Executors

Identify at least one executor, someone close to you such as a family member, a friend, or another relative, who will carry out the will in keeping with every legal formality and distribute the assets as instructed.

Outstanding liabilities

If you carry any debt, make provision for it to be repaid or cleared from your assets before anything is distributed to your beneficiaries.

A clause to discourage challenges

A will can include a clause, sometimes known by its Latin name meaning fear, that anticipates the will being challenged. It states that any beneficiary who frivolously contests the will or its bequests forfeits the share meant for them, which then becomes part of the remaining estate instead.

A family trust where it is needed

Where there are young children in the family, dependants with special needs, or ageing or unwell parents to think of, a family trust can be created under the will to cover money for education, medical needs and other contingencies. The will should clearly state which assets go into the trust, its purpose, how long it is meant to run, and what each trustee is expected to do.

Witnesses

Two trustworthy people, who receive nothing under the will themselves, must sign at the foot of the document confirming that they witnessed it, either together or individually in the presence of the testator, and record their names and signatures as attesting witnesses.

Update your nominations

Finally, update every nomination linked to your assets so that they match the bequests made in the will as closely as possible. This single step avoids a great deal of dispute and difficulty when the time comes to distribute the estate among beneficiaries.

A typical mind is estimated to generate something like twenty five to fifty thousand separate thoughts over the course of a single day, and during a rough patch, that volume of chatter can feel like an overwhelming amount of darkness. Anxiety and stress are often not taken seriously enough, and many people simply give in to negativity because it does not seem to carry any immediate, visible cost. The truth is that it quietly catches up with you eventually. Being trapped in a particular mindset is never easy to escape, but it can be done. Nothing, not even your own mind, needs to stand permanently in the way of your happiness, and positivity is not some unreachable goal. It starts with changing your filter and choosing to look at the world as though you are seeing it for the first time.

Find where the negativity is coming from

To eliminate or cure anything, you first need to identify its source, otherwise it is like trying to fight an opponent you cannot see. Many people carry around issues that feel like they cannot be solved at all, a large debt inherited from circumstances, deep dissatisfaction with a career, or the aftermath of a difficult breakup. None of these situations comes with an obvious person to blame, but that does not mean their negative pull on you should be ignored.

Change your routine and allow some adventure

Not everyone is naturally spontaneous, and that is fine, but spending time with people who are a little more wild and unpredictable can loosen your own spirit as well. Routines feel comfortable because they offer stability, yet real enjoyment of life, and the memories worth keeping, tend to come from staying open minded and occasionally stepping outside that routine.

Keep building your confidence

Feeling capable and needed matters a great deal, and confidence is usually one of the first things to erode once negativity gets a grip on your mind. Deliberately working on your confidence, even in small ways, makes a real difference to how you feel day to day.

A stumble is not a catastrophe

Negativity shows up in many forms, and frustration is one of the most common of them, whether it comes from a genuine setback or from something as small as plans ruined by the weather. Almost everyone struggles with setbacks in some form, and treating them as a normal part of life rather than a catastrophe takes away much of their power.

Focus on what you want, not on what you fear

A common trap is spending more thought on what you do not want than on what you do want, which makes the thing you actually want harder to reach. If the goal is a healthier financial picture, for instance, it helps to focus on building strong finances rather than dwelling on debt or a shortage of money.

Rehearse the outcome you want

Mental rehearsal is a simple way to improve performance and ease anxiety before an important moment. Before a meeting or a difficult conversation, take a few minutes to picture how you want it to unfold, imagine seeing and hearing it go well, and notice how good that outcome would feel. As people who have built real success often point out, falling down is not the measure that matters. What counts is how many times you are willing to pick yourself back up.

Manners are not a small thing to brush aside. Good behaviour earns you respect, adds to your sense of dignity, and quietly supports growth in almost every part of life, from home to the workplace to the shop around the corner. Here are the ways good manners pay off, often in places you would not expect.

Manners set the example for the next generation

Children watch how the adults around them react to every situation, so parents who are polite and consistent about following good manners are showing, not just telling, what proper behaviour looks like. A child who grows up seeing courtesy in daily life is far more likely to carry it forward.

Good manners get noticed at work

Being skilled at your job is important, but skill alone is not the only thing colleagues and managers notice. Following the unwritten etiquette of a workplace, being polite and consistent in how you treat people, earns respect and can even play a part in who gets considered for a promotion or a raise.

Politeness is good for business

Speaking to customers politely and giving them room to explain what they need makes them far more likely to return and to recommend you to others. The same courtesy works with friends. People who know you care enough to be considerate are more likely to keep including you in their plans and gatherings.

Respect brings you respect in return

Whether you need help finding something in a shop or have a complaint to raise about a product, showing good manners makes the people helping you want to make the effort. Something as small as holding a door open for someone struggling with bags, or smiling at a stranger, can genuinely brighten another person’s day.

Listening is a form of good manners too

Being a good conversationalist is not about knowing the right words or filling every silence. It is about giving the other person a real chance to speak and taking the time to actually hear what they have to say. That alone tells them their thoughts matter to you.

We all have a fight or flight response to stressful situations, and some of the most stressful situations are difficult relationships. When the odds feel stacked against you, act with honesty, tap into your inner dignity, and respect yourself. People will respect you for it too, and you will boost your own self esteem along the way.

Find your own release

Instead of giving in to the impulse to fight or flee, it helps to first find how you like to stay in control of your power. If you still have the leftovers of stress after dealing with difficult people, have a good cry, or go for a walk. Fresh air and a change of scene release stress and let you regain your power sooner, so you can live fully in spite of what others do.

Say sorry properly

Ordinary people do not have a team of image consultants and press handlers standing by to script the right words for them. Saying sorry is probably the most difficult thing to be done right, and it needs to be done with sincerity. Apologising is difficult in itself. It means acknowledging wrongdoing, admitting our mistakes, never saying sorry only to be done with it, and doing it with real sincerity from the heart. It takes a great amount of difficulty in getting past our own guarded stress, unwelcome side effects such as illness, insomnia, overeating and lethargy multiply until it hurts all round and only the negative emotions remain.

Set boundaries

Having good boundaries means caring for yourself as much as you care for other people. It means you value yourself and deeply value the other person too. It means you have the right to a different opinion and a different way of seeing the world, and having good boundaries also includes being conscious of and understanding the boundaries you do not share.

Shake it off

Animals get the idea. If they are stressed by anything unwelcome, they shake it off immediately, bark, buck, bite, run and scratch, and then get on with life. We tend to hold in our problems, and holding them in causes stress, which we tend to carry as our own, resentments fester and our progress stalls.

Weigh your decision

Whenever you are called upon to make a tough decision, whether personal or professional, keep this one thing sacred: your dignity. If you stay true to yourself, looking back on the choice will bring no regret, because you weighed it carefully in the moment and decided on that basis.

Having a successful career is a long journey with many phases and turning points. Reaching the point you are aiming for takes smart moves and careful decisions. Taking risky shortcuts and making avoidable mistakes leaves marks on a career that are hard to erase, so it is worth knowing what those mistakes usually look like.

Frequent job hopping

Being unhappy in your current job is understandable, but changing jobs too often is still a red flag to employers. Frequent moves get read as a lack of commitment, poor collaboration and a self centred streak, and many employers steer clear of such candidates on that basis alone.

Switching jobs for money alone

Everybody wants to earn more, but money should not be the only reason to move. Extra pay can look attractive at first, and then feel far less satisfying once you are used to the new job. Choose a move for the growth it offers, not only for the pay cheque attached to it.

Having no career plan

You should always keep a near term goal and a bigger long range one in mind. Without either, you end up drifting wherever circumstance happens to blow you, and you risk grabbing the first offer that comes along without weighing whether it actually fits you.

Not giving it your all

Doing only the bare minimum each day, never going beyond what is asked, and not playing well on a team all send the same message, that you do not much care or that you are simply lazy. People notice, and kept up over time this one habit alone can ruin a promising career.

Being anti-social at work

Work friends may not become your closest friends, but you still need to socialise with colleagues to build professional allies. Show up for the team lunches and the small gatherings. There is no need to linger for hours, but make certain people notice you were there.

Failing to keep improving

Being comfortable in your current role does not mean you can stop learning. Keep picking up new skills, whether through training at work, further study, or even a new language that helps you serve clients better.

Being a perfectionist means being overly concerned with personal achievement, to the point where everything has to be done exactly right or it feels like it has not moved forward at all. This usually comes from all or nothing thinking, where a result is either perfect or it is simply not good enough. In trying to improve, some people fall into a never ending pursuit of flawlessness. It is not the desire to change that causes the trouble. It is the over-doing, and the obsessing that comes with it. Being perfect can drain the enjoyment out of an effort that no longer feels quite right, however much work goes into it. The useful balance sits between making positive changes and obsessing over them.

Signs you might be a perfectionist

A few patterns are worth watching for. Judging yourself harshly, and judging others just as harshly. Obsessing over lifestyle commitments. Turning highly competitive with the people around you. Dwelling on a single mistake long after it is over. Feeling an intense need to correct someone else’s small error. Demanding perfection from other people as well as yourself. Staying with a task well past the point where everyone else has moved on. Any one of these on its own is ordinary. Several of them together are worth a second look.

Take charge of your inner voice

Beating perfectionism starts with controlling the inner critic, the voice that keeps telling you that you have fallen short. That voice can turn an ordinary mistake into supposed proof that you are a second rate person, and it wears down self esteem every time it speaks. Left unchecked, it feeds a growing fear of failure and of criticism from others. Learning to notice that voice for what it is, rather than treating it as fact, is the first real step out of the trap.