Tag: Adults

Hard times show us something we easily forget. Under the outward show each of us puts on, we are made of the same stuff. Every one of us hurts, cries and hopes, and every one of us has to lean on others for support and strength.

It teaches humility

Adversity reminds us that we are only human. We are not in charge of everything, and we cannot manage it all on our own.

It teaches perseverance

In a crisis, the choices shrink to two. You can give up, or you can keep going. There is not much else to decide, because life has been pared down to its most basic question of carrying on or not.

In the middle of such dark days we may have no idea where we are headed or what tomorrow holds. All we know is that if we get through today, we will reach tomorrow, and that is how it goes, one day after another.

It shows us who we really are

Whether we are the ones suffering, the ones helping or the ones looking on, adversity shows each of us that we are not as unbeatable as we believed. We are not always in control. Yet in ways we never expected, we turn out to be stronger than we ever knew.

Three gifts it leaves behind

• Strength is often found in weakness, and when we have lost everything we sometimes discover more than we ever had.
• Life itself becomes dearer. Our own life and the lives of others start to feel far more precious.
• Gratitude takes root. Whether we have much or little, we stop taking anything for granted.

The promise on the far side

Nobody can promise that hard times will pass us by. But if they come, we can trust this: we will climb out of the wreckage of a broken life carrying a strength that was hammered out in fire, and we will not be the same person again.

Worry has a useful side. When it nudges you to act and sort out a problem, it is doing its job. The trouble starts when you get stuck on what ifs and picture the worst outcome again and again. At that point the worry is no longer helping you solve anything. It has become a problem in its own right.

Four habits help you get on top of it.

Keep feelings out of big decisions

Do not make any serious decision while your worries have the upper hand. An argument driven by emotion can push you into choices you will be sorry for later. Train yourself to set the facts apart from the feelings, because it is usually the feelings that feed the fear and the worry.

Come back to the present moment

Worries do not come out of nowhere. They are pulled either from the past or from the future. The present can be stressful too, but it never looks as frightening as the future does. And unlike the past, it is not crowded with old mistakes and grudges. The moment you are standing in is usually the easiest place to think clearly.

Take charge of the choice

When worry runs high, you have a choice to make: let the fears and impulses rule you, or refuse them that power. Practise self control a little every day. Each small win builds confidence and strength, so the next time a worry hits, you can deal with it faster.

Look honestly at how you live

Many constant worries have ordinary roots. Short nights, overwork, ongoing stress, careless eating and draining relationships can all keep the mind on edge, and over time can harden into lasting anxiety. So eat well and get enough good quality sleep. Work smarter rather than longer. And step away from people who keep pulling you down.

Worry is not the enemy. Unexamined worry is. Name it, separate it from the facts, and give it less to feed on.

No one has all the answers, and no one can be right every time. Still, most of us know someone who acts as if they are the only person who knows best. They are usually the hardest people to deal with.

Studies of human behaviour suggest that the need to always be right can come from several places. It may be driven by self interest, or by a simple fear of being shown to be wrong. Either way, trying to win every point is often a pointless struggle. Here are three traits common in people who believe they are never wrong, and why the belief tends to backfire.

They keep interrupting

Research into emotional intelligence suggests that some people lack the awareness needed to rein in their urge to control a conversation, which leaves them prone to cutting others off. It makes them look like know it alls, and it is also seen as poor manners to break in and show off knowledge nobody asked for. It makes a person seem less approachable and less considerate.

If you believe you are always right, you are also likely to be a poor listener. You are so eager to make your point that you stop hearing others, hurry them through their explanations, or brush their words aside. All of this points to weak listening skills.

They will not empathise

Beyond interrupting, people who think they are always right tend to ignore other social courtesies, and often end up getting things wrong. They shut others out of the conversation and refuse to accept how others feel. People with strong emotional intelligence adjust their behaviour to those around them rather than insisting on getting their way. By that measure, a friend who is always opinionated shows little emotional intelligence, because they cannot see or respect your point of view.

They are always on the defensive

Someone who must always be right is frequently defensive, and dealing with them can put you on the defensive too. Having to keep justifying your views and choices against steady opposition is tiring. The temptation is to let it turn into a full argument, but the wiser course is to manage your own reactions and decline a fight that will settle nothing. In doing so, you set an example the other person may one day follow.

Turn the mirror around

When someone keeps insisting they are right and you are wrong, pause for a moment. There may be some truth in what they are saying. It is worth asking honestly whether you might be the one who needs to change.

Imagine you had to choose. On one side, a shorter working day and more hours to yourself. On the other, a longer working day with a better salary. Would you rather have more time with family and friends, or more financial security?

What the research found

A study found that people who valued time above money tended to be more satisfied with their lives, and that satisfaction translated into greater happiness. Spending free hours on things you enjoy delivers a far deeper sense of fulfilment over the long run.

The evidence also shows that spending on experiences makes people much happier than spending on possessions.

We live through our connections

Human beings are social by nature. We draw our energy from relationships: from a busy social life, from laughter with friends, from time with a partner and family, and from doing the things we love most.

The hours will run out

It is easy to forget that time is limited. A day will come when there is none left, and sadly none of us can know when that day will arrive. We quietly persuade ourselves that we will be here forever, and so we let slip chance after chance to spend those precious seconds well.

Time moves on. Life keeps happening. The point is to make sure you are actually living it. Guard your free hours as carefully as your earnings, and spend them on the people and pursuits that matter most to you.

This post is about happiness, not financial planning. For decisions about income, savings or work arrangements, speak with a qualified financial adviser.

After a bath in the river, an elephant was making its way along the road. As it came near a bridge, it saw a pig heading towards it from the other side, covered from snout to tail in mud. Without a word, the elephant moved to one side, let the grimy pig go by, and then carried on with its journey.

The pig’s boast

Later, the pig bragged to its friends. “Look how mighty I am,” it said. “Even the elephant was scared of me and stepped aside to let me through.”

When the other elephants heard this, they asked their friend why it had given way. Was it fear?

The elephant’s answer

The elephant smiled. “I could easily have crushed that pig under my foot,” it said. “But I was clean, and the pig was filthy. Had I stepped on it, my own foot would have been covered in dirt. I wanted to avoid that, so I simply moved aside.”

The lesson

People who have grown wise keep their distance from negativity. They do not do this because they are afraid. They do it because they want to stay clear of what would soil them, even though they are strong enough to overpower it.

You do not have to respond to every opinion, every remark or every situation that comes your way. Let the drama pass and keep moving forward. Pick your battles with care. Not everything is worth your time and attention, and walking past something is often the strongest choice you can make.

Feeling lonely is not a life sentence. It is possible to soften it, and sometimes to shake it off completely. The key is to stop turning the problem over and over, and to fill your mind with activities that draw your attention elsewhere. Here are three simple ways to begin.

Stay busy and get out

When loneliness settles in, resist the urge to sit and dwell on it. Get up and go somewhere with plenty of people around. It does not matter if you know none of them. Simply being among others can lift your mood more than you expect.

Reach out to someone else who is lonely

You are far from the only one. Many people feel exactly as you do and have no idea how to cope with it. If you seek them out and make an effort to ease their loneliness, you will find in the end that you have eased your own as well. Kindness travels in both directions.

Change the pattern of your thoughts

Notice what you are feeding your mind. If your evenings are filled with films that leave you reaching for tissues, it may be time for a change. Try listening to music that lifts you, reading poems or other writing that inspires you, and watching programmes that leave you feeling lighter. Each of these helps to break the cycle of heavy, negative thinking.

These are only a few of the ways to loosen loneliness’s grip. The common thread is simple: move your body, turn towards others, and choose what fills your mind.

Many of us long for a wise guide, someone who has travelled further along the road and can show us the way. Without one, we may feel unsure how to grow, and some people spend years searching with little to show for it, ending up frustrated and even lost.

The teacher is already with you

The encouraging truth is that the finest teacher you could hope for never leaves your side. It is your own life.

The people and events we meet each day have a great deal to teach us, provided we are willing to receive it. We often miss these teachers because they do not look or behave the way we imagine a wise person should. Yet they may carry real wisdom.

There are also people whose lesson is a warning: they show us precisely what we would rather not become. Every situation, from the trivial to the life changing, seems to arrive with the very lesson we need at that moment. Patience, compassion, perseverance, honesty and the art of letting go are all taught in this one classroom.

Honour the lesson each day

A few simple words can help us stay aware of this. Each morning, you might pause and say something like: “I respect the teacher my life has become. Let me have the wisdom to notice the teachers and lessons of this day, and the openness to take in what they offer.”

It also helps to set aside a little time every day to ask what life is trying to show you right now. The answer is often hidden in ordinary things:

• A hard stretch with your child could be a lesson in letting go.
• A person you pass every day who has no home may be showing you where your compassion and generosity end.
• A run of lost or misplaced things may be asking you to pay closer attention to the world around you.

Learn at your own pace

Trust your own sense of what the lesson is. Move at a pace that suits you, and question as freely as you need. Everything you need to learn is already unfolding in front of you.

Looking after customers is an essential part of any business. These habits help a company excel at it.

Be available

Clients like to know there is someone they can reach. Always be ready to respond to their needs, be it a question on delivery dates or on product features. Answer phone calls, emails and messages as quickly as you can, and certainly within a day. Responsiveness tells a client they matter.

Listen to their needs

The best service comes from people who really listen. Instead of suggesting that a client change something they have already invested money and training in, listen to why they use it the way they do. Can your offering be adjusted to suit what is already in place? Manage that, and you may earn a reputation for outstanding service.

Set up a feedback loop

An ongoing feedback process is ideal for improving service. Clients report how well you served them. Where all is well, wonderful. Where you need to do better, you learn precisely which areas. You then work to improve exactly where they would like to see it, and the loop carries on.

Why it pays

Availability, listening and feedback together tell a client that you care about their success, not just the sale. Clients who feel that way stay longer, and they send others your way.

Hard times do not create heroes. It is during hard times that the hero within us is revealed.

Improving a handful of habits is the key to raising your sales, your business revenue and your profits. Here are five worth building.

Find the right customers

To do really well in sales, you must spend more of your time with people who are genuine prospects. Treat looking for new business as the bulk of your work, most of your time in fact, and never let up on that effort until you have so many customers that there are not enough hours in the day to serve everyone who wants to buy from you.

Understand their needs clearly

Most prospects do not realise, when they first meet you, that your product or service could improve their life or their work. The more questions you ask about their situation, and the more clearly you connect what you offer to what they need, the more open they become to learning about it and, eventually, to buying.

Present persuasively

Once you have found someone who can benefit from what you sell, built a comfortable level of trust and understood their needs, the presentation is where you show them why acting on your recommendation makes excellent sense for them.

Answer objections well

Think through every objection a serious prospect might raise, and prepare a logical, complete answer to each one, so you are ready if and when it comes up. The best salespeople have clear, solid answers prepared, so that objections can be settled quickly and calmly.

Close the sale

However good your presentation, and however strong the trust between you, there is always a moment of tension when a buying decision is made. Your job is to move through that moment calmly and professionally, by asking for the order in a confident, courteous way and then completing the sale. The best salespeople plan how they will close in advance. They watch for signs that the customer is ready, ask questions to make sure no doubts remain, and then ask plainly for the customer to go ahead.

Anyone who dares to waste an hour of time has not yet understood the value of life.

Controlling what you spend is difficult, no doubt about it. Yet secure finances depend on putting a lid on how much you spend and on what. Only then can you be sure you are not wandering into financial quicksand. If you love shopping and tend to buy on impulse, here are some ways to rein in the habit.

Find absorbing hobbies

Many people end up at the shops simply because they have nothing better to do, and once there they splurge on whatever catches their eye. So find an interesting hobby, such as pottery, painting, sketching, writing or reading, to keep you occupied. It keeps you away from needless spending and means you spend your time on something worthwhile rather than frittering it away on things you do not need.

Keep budget cards

This takes a little time and commitment, but it is a smart and effective way to cut back. At the start of each month, make a card for each category of expense: groceries, bills, school fees and so on. It becomes much easier to avoid spending on anything that does not already appear on a card.

Put spare money to work

The spending habit thrives when there is extra money lying around. That is one reason to save and invest regularly, so the money is working for your future instead of sitting there tempting you. There are many ways to do this; a qualified financial adviser can help you choose the ones that suit you.

Spend time with friends who hold you back

This can be remarkably effective if you have a couple of good friends who know what sets off your spending. A visit or a chat with them can take the edge off the urge to splurge. Friends who remind you of your goal strengthen your resolve. Besides, time with friends is far more fun than trawling through shopping centres.

Choose free pastimes

Any enjoyable activity that costs nothing, a game with the family, a walk, a book, can fill the gap that shopping used to fill, and keep you away from excessive buying.

This is general guidance, not financial advice. For your own situation, speak to a qualified adviser.