Tag: Parents

Whenever you want to tap into the calm and clarity of the present moment, here are ten simple things to remember.

1. Mind your own garden

Look after your own patch of ground instead of fretting over the weeds in your neighbour’s. Pay attention to what is growing in your own soil.

2. Come back to your breath

Pay attention to each breath and rest there for a little while. It is one of the easiest ways to return to the present.

3. You are not your thoughts

Notice the moment a thought grabs hold of you and you start believing you are that thought. You are not. It is only a thought, passing through.

4. Remember you are part of something larger

Einstein described a human being as part of the whole that we call the universe. Watch out today for any false thought that makes you feel cut off from another person or from the world around you.

5. Accept yourself

Accept every part of yourself. Yes, every part.

6. Find the space between thoughts

Mindfulness does not wrestle with thoughts. Constant thinking can make us feel divided, as if pulled in two directions. Slow down and listen for the quiet gaps between one thought and the next.

7. Notice when you drift into the future

Catch yourself when your mind races ahead into some worrying tomorrow, and gently bring it back. The future has not arrived yet, and the past is already gone. Now is where life is happening.

8. Walk with attention

Spend five minutes walking slowly and paying attention only to what you are experiencing. Let whatever you notice, a tree or a paving stone, hold your attention for a moment.

9. Face pain with courage

When something hurts today, in whatever way, do not ignore it or try to bury it. Be brave, breathe into it, and ask what it might be trying to tell you.

10. Watch, then release

Try not to let passing feelings decide how you act. Watch them rise, whatever they are, and then let them drift away like old echoes from the past.

Sometimes life throws us curve balls so painful that we wonder how we will ever get through. When that happens, finding the bright side can seem impossible, especially on days when just getting out of bed is hard. And yet, many of life’s worst moments end up working out for the best. The task is to look for the silver lining and keep facing forward.

It has been wisely said that we suffer most when we argue with what has already happened. Much of the stress we feel comes from resisting reality. If the past is ruling your present, it may help to know that some situations in life turn out to be blessings in disguise. The old saying that when one door closes another one opens is something we can all find comfort in. Here are a few seemingly bad situations that can turn out to be good for you.

Losing a job

Losing your job can feel like everything has collapsed. Yet many people say it was the best thing that ever happened to them, because it finally pushed them to follow a dream they had put off for years. It is hard, of course. But you may well find something bigger and better, and at last have the chance to chase what you really want.

A break-up

A break-up can hurt deeply, and for a while it can feel as if your whole world is falling apart. But perhaps that person was not the right one for you, or perhaps the timing simply was not right. Rather than sinking into self-pity, look for ways you can grow from the experience, and for the good that may come out of it.

A promotion that did not come

You did not get the promotion you wanted so badly and felt you had earned. You worked hard and stayed late, yet your efforts were not recognised. That is painful. But it may also be a sign that it is time to look for a place where your work will be valued.

Getting past hard times faster

• Make accepting what has happened your first priority.
• Focus on the lesson it is teaching you.
• Ask yourself honestly whether the problem is really as big as it seems.
• Make “get stronger” your motto.
• Remember that you can carry on from exactly where you are now.
• Ask how someone you admire would handle the same situation.
• Practise the art of letting go.

Learning from our mistakes is how we avoid repeating them. But mistakes do more than teach us what to avoid. They can improve our relationship with ourselves and with others, and help us do better at work.

For a perfectionist, the idea that there are good reasons to make mistakes can come as a shock. How can doing something wrong possibly help? Yet mistakes are essential to learning and growing as a person. Once you accept them, it becomes much easier to see why we need them. It is not easy, but it is well worth it.

They keep us humble

Every one of us would love to skip the embarrassment of getting things wrong. But if we never slipped, perfection could easily go to our heads. Mistakes teach humility. Confidence is good; arrogance pushes people away. One of the best things mistakes do is make us more realistic and down to earth.

They spark creativity

If everything worked perfectly the first time, we would never try another way. Many of the best inventions came from someone getting something wrong and then discovering a better way to do it. When you make a mistake, use it as a chance to try a fresh, creative approach instead of giving up.

They uncover hidden talents

Plenty of people have found new hobbies simply by getting something wrong. Imagine someone who joins a dance fitness class and is hopeless at it. After watching her struggle, the instructor suggests she try a hula hoop class instead, and it turns out she is brilliant at it. Pay attention to your mistakes. They may point you to a gift you never knew you had.

They help us grow

Mistakes push us to try new things, to stop doing what clearly is not working, and to become better people overall. You may not enjoy making them, but you will enjoy what they lead to. In the end, they help you discover who you are and who you want to become. Every mistake is a chance to grow.

They teach patience and persistence

When something goes wrong, the result you wanted takes longer to arrive, and you need the will to keep going. Few teachers are better at building these two qualities. So do not lose patience and give up. Try again, and you may be surprised by what happens.

Learn to laugh about them

A slip made in private hardly bothers us. Make one in front of others and we feel embarrassed. But if you can laugh at your own mistakes, others will laugh with you, not at you. Mistakes then stop feeling so awkward and can even bring people closer. Being able to laugh at yourself also does wonders for your confidence and self-respect.

Now and then, most of us feel a pull to go back in time. Not to change anything, but simply to feel certain moments one more time.

Moments worth living twice

Sometimes I wish I could be a baby again for a little while. Not to be pushed around in a pram, but to see my mother smile at me once more.

Sometimes I wish I could sit in a classroom again. Not to be a child again, but to finally learn how to be cool.

Sometimes I wish I were back in college. Not to rebel, but to truly understand what I was studying.

Sometimes I wish I were new at work again. Not to do less, but to relive the thrill of that very first salary.

Sometimes I wish I could get married all over again. Not to choose someone else, but to take in the ceremony properly this time.

Sometimes I wish my children were small again. Not because they grew up too fast, but so I could play with them a little more.

And sometimes I wish I had a little more time to live. Not for a longer life, but to discover everything I still have to give.

Those days will never come back. So let us enjoy each moment fully, as we live it, from now on.

What a unit of time is worth

If you want to understand how precious time is, ask the people who know.

• One year: ask a student made to repeat a whole year after one failed exam.
• One month: ask a mother whose baby arrived too early.
• One week: ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
• One hour: ask two people in love who are waiting to meet.
• One minute: ask someone who has just missed a train, bus or flight.
• One second: ask someone who has just escaped an accident.
• One thousandth of a second: ask the athlete who came second by that margin.

Time waits for nobody. Value every moment you are given, and you will value it even more when you share it with the people you love.

Health and wealth both matter. We need each of them to move forward in life. But they do not carry equal weight, and it is worth being clear about which comes first.

“Health is wealth” may sound like a tired old saying, yet it still holds a central place in all our lives. One simple question settles the matter. Can good health help you earn money? Almost always. Can money buy you good health? Only rarely. You might argue that a lot of money can buy the best food and the finest exercise equipment, and that this buys health. It helps, but it is far from the whole truth.

What good health is made of

Good health comes from a mix of the genes we are born with and the habits we live by, especially how we eat and how we live day to day. Modern life is full of things that work against it: endless distractions, unhealthy routines, long hours sitting still, sleepless nights, careless eating and much more. Together they can quietly wreck an otherwise healthy body.

When money arrives too late

Only a small share of people recognise these threats and stay alert enough to remain fit and well. Most realise it too late, or not at all. That is when the savings of a lifetime start draining away in an attempt to buy health back, and very often it does not work. Many illnesses today have no lasting cure or remedy. However much is spent, the outcome may not be a full recovery.

Health that builds wealth

On the other hand, a person blessed with good health, who looks after it throughout life, can work hard and work smart, earn well and secure a good future for the family. Building wealth is a sensible goal, but money’s place in our lives should always be weighed carefully. A wise person understands what comes first and works toward a healthy balance.

Good health, combined with clear thinking and steady effort, can make you financially comfortable. But however rich you become, money may never be able to return you to full health once it is lost.

The question to keep asking

In a world full of distractions and bad habits, it is more important than ever to ask yourself honestly: is money really more important than health? Looking back with regret will not fix things later. The wisest financial plan for you and your family starts with investing in your health today.

Our lives are made up of a tangled web of paths that carry us from one stage to the next. For some people the way ahead is wide, smooth and well signposted. Many of us, though, find it hard to work out where to go next. Choosing the step that leads most directly to a fulfilling life, and to a sense of purpose, can feel anything but simple.

The good news is that there are many ways to find that next step. If you long for a life that truly satisfies you, it is worth asking the question seriously.

Listen to your inner voice

Often a quiet inner voice will tell you that it is time for a change. Pay attention to it, and trust yourself. In the end, you are the one who knows what is best for you.

Look back before you look ahead

We grow most when we allow ourselves to stretch past the edges of what our lives have been so far. When you are trying to see your next step, it helps to review what you have already lived. The choices you have made and the dreams you have held on to can show you what you no longer want, and hint at what you might enjoy doing next. Think, too, about creative ways to use your skills and feed your passions.

Picture the future you want

Imagine your ideal future, then make a list of ways you might bring it about. This can help you choose a sensible next step that fits what you really want. Quiet reflection, keeping a journal, taking a class or trying other creative activities can all spark ideas about which step would bring you the deepest satisfaction.

Be fearless, and keep it simple

Once you are ready to trust your own voice and set fear aside, finding your way forward becomes much easier. Underneath the fear, the doubt and the hesitation, a part of you already knows which step to take.

If you let your next move be as simple as placing one foot in front of the other, you will notice something reassuring. The next step is always the one right in front of you. All you have to do is lift your foot and set it down on the ground ahead.

We live surrounded by a dense web of opinions. In the middle of it all, the thing that keeps us steady, focused and centred is a clear sense of our own objectives. An old saying puts it well: look toward the sun, and the shadows fall behind you. When my aims are clear, I stop blaming, complaining and making excuses whenever I hit a failure or an obstacle.

A world that wants our ratings

Everywhere we go, we are asked for feedback. A restaurant hands us a form. A website asks for our comments, which helps them improve. We rate songs, review shows and share our views on everything. Feedback is a valuable tool for making things better. But somewhere along the way, giving it has become a need. Opinion-making now has a controlling share in our minds, our feelings and our thinking.

We can no longer simply enjoy a flower for being a flower. We have to judge it against the one we saw last week. Many of us have even lost the knack of enjoying a favourite snack without comparing it to the stall that does it best, and making sure everyone around us hears our verdict.

And yet, as eager as we are to judge, we are deeply sensitive to the judgements of others. Our peace and happiness depend largely on what other people do and say about us. Worse still, our big life decisions start to follow whatever is trending.

Clarity changes everything

When we are clear about what we are aiming for, feedback helps us grow, but careless remarks and bad behaviour do not shake us, and setbacks do not stop us. Our enthusiasm no longer depends on anyone else’s approval. Our strength comes from keeping our attention fixed on our purpose.

Picture this. You plan a long drive with your family because you want to spend time with them. The plan changes, and you end up going out for dinner instead. If you remember that the real aim was time together, not the drive, you enjoy the dinner fully. If you forget, there is a cloud over the evening, however good the food.

Objectives as a filter

When my aim is to inspire the people I love, I avoid habits that would do the opposite. When my aim is to keep good company, I let go of relationships that drag me down, even if it means stepping away from a group. When my aim is good health, nothing can push me into an unhealthy lifestyle, even when people tease me. When my aim is peace of mind, I stop replaying painful memories and focus on what they taught me.

Once you are clear about your purpose in life, decisions stop feeling so hard. Even the big ones become easier. Commit to the activities and relationships that match your objectives. The success that truly matters to you will find you, and one day you will look back and feel proud of the way you lived.

Scarcity lives in the mind. It is a fearful cycle of negative thinking. Say the word and most of us think of money. But scarcity takes many other forms too. We can feel short of time, of love, of good health, of brains, of sound judgement or of willpower. The good news is that we can retrain our thinking toward abundance, and in doing so open up a whole new world of possibility. First, though, we need to recognise the traps so we can avoid them.

What scarcity does to the mind

When we think and feel in terms of scarcity, the mind fixes itself on everything we want and do not have. That fixation often weakens self-control. It uses up the mental energy we need to spot opportunities and make good decisions. Willpower runs low, and we become more likely to give up.

People caught in this state tend to deal only with what feels urgent, while ignoring the important choices that will shape their future. Nobody wants to spend most of their life feeling that way. The first step out is simply noticing that you are in it.

Signs to watch for

In yourself, or in someone you care about, scarcity often shows up as:

• Hoarding, and clinging to old belongings
• Overworking
• Constant complaining
• Wasting time, and living amid clutter
• Being unable to say no
• Going without, even when there is no need

The biggest trap: “this is how it will always be”

Believing that your circumstances are fixed may be the most damaging part of the scarcity mindset. We shrug and say, “Nothing can change,” rather than changing how we look at things and going after our own happiness. That belief drains our energy, chips away at our self-respect and turns life into a heavy load.

Remember that nothing lasts forever, the hard times included. An abundant outlook treats life as an adventure: sometimes frightening and uncertain, but an adventure all the same.

Growing an abundance mindset

• Pay attention to what you have, not to what is missing.
• Appreciate more, out loud and often.
• Get organised, so clutter stops shaping your mood.
• Spend time with people who already think generously, and let it rub off on you.
• When you face your greatest loss, remember that it may hold your greatest opportunity.

Staying young has less to do with the calendar than with how we choose to live. Here are ten simple, slightly playful habits that help keep the heart young.

1. Forget the unimportant numbers

Age, weight and height are figures for your doctor to worry about. That is what you pay them for. You do not need to carry them around in your head.

2. Keep cheerful company

Spend your time with people who lift you. Constant grumblers have a way of dragging you down with them.

3. Keep learning

Pick up something new: computers, crafts, gardening, anything at all. Never let your mind sit idle. A busy, curious mind is one of the best defences against the slow fading of memory.

4. Enjoy the simple things

A cup of tea, a walk, a good conversation. Small pleasures are often the deepest.

5. Laugh, and laugh hard

Laugh often, laugh long and laugh loud. Laugh until you are gasping for breath.

6. Let the tears come, then move on

Sad times will come. Bear them, grieve properly, and then carry on. Be fully alive for as long as you are alive.

7. Fill your home with what you love

Whether it is family, pets, music, plants, books or hobbies, surround yourself with what you treasure. Let your home be your refuge.

8. Look after your health

If your health is good, protect it. If it is shaky, work on improving it. If it needs more than you can manage alone, ask for help.

9. Skip the guilt trips

Travel to the market, the hills or across the world if you like, but never journey back to the place where guilt lives.

10. Say “I love you” whenever you can

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every chance you get.

And keep one thought close: life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Share this with someone, and make each day as full as it can be.

Long ago there lived a man called Vikram who had never helped anyone in his life. He was so tight-fisted that even his own mother went hungry.

One day he went to the market to buy some fruit. He haggled with every seller, and still felt the prices were far too high. So he came up with a plan. He would go to a nearby farm and simply take the fruit for free.

Up the tree

Vikram climbed a fruit tree and picked a few. But having a few was not enough. Greed pushed him higher and higher, reaching for more and more. Suddenly his foot slipped, and he found himself dangling from a branch, far above the ground.

The first rescuer

Just then, an elephant keeper came by with his elephant. Vikram shouted for help and promised him half of everything he owned if he would save his life. Tempted by the promise, the keeper led his elephant under the tree, stood on its back and reached up to bring Vikram down.

But at that very moment the elephant noticed a pond nearby and wandered off for a drink. Now the keeper was left hanging too, clinging to Vikram’s legs and begging him not to let go of the branch.

The second rescuer

To their relief, a man on horseback came riding past. The keeper called out to him and offered his elephant as a reward. The rider, just as eager for the prize, rode over to help. And then his horse, too, wandered away, leaving him hanging from the keeper. Three grown men now swung from one branch, each holding on to the other.

The one who asked for nothing

At last a farmer saw the three of them in their terrible state. He did not stop to bargain. He ran to fetch a ladder and brought all three down safely.

What the story teaches

A greedy person does not only ruin himself. He pulls others down with him. Greed makes people act foolishly, as each man in this story did, chasing a reward instead of thinking clearly. And the real lesson lies with the farmer: we should help one another out of care and kindness, not for what we hope to be paid.