Tag: Young Adults

Being carefree, at peace, happy or confident, whichever way you want to describe it, is a choice. It means taking charge of your emotions and seeing that you can feel well without anything around you changing. Only your outlook has to shift. You can decide to feel good whatever anyone else does or says.

Letting go

The moment we release our fears, doubts and regrets, along with everything that no longer serves us, we return to how we once were. We go back to ourselves, to a kind of innocence, because that is where our true nature lies.

Caring without clinging

This does not mean you should stop caring. Caring means something matters, and it is perfectly fine to want what you want. The trouble starts when you become so attached that things must turn out one particular way to count as a success. Then you have set yourself up for disappointment.

Why it is hard

We are conditioned not to be carefree. Nine things may be going well and one may not, yet all our attention goes to the one that is not. That is the human tendency. We also carry fear, worry, guilt, resentment and old anger into the present, and most of what we brood about is not happening now. We simply spend our precious energy filling ourselves with anxiety over it.

Take a lesson from a child

We spend much of our lives chasing happiness, looking for meaning and balance without knowing where to search. It is wise to pause and think about what matters most. Watch a child at play and you will see what living in the present looks like. Learning that lesson sets you free.

Many young people want to add to their qualifications and their exposure by studying abroad. Universities there take in plenty of students, but your application needs something extra so that it does not go unnoticed. Applicants often stumble over the same few things, and the habits below help you avoid them. If you land on a waiting list, send a short email to confirm that you still want the place. Being proactive can help, but otherwise do not fret. Simply be yourself.

Choose your colleges with care

Many colleges offer the course you want, so shortlisting is a must. Weigh each college on its ranking, its fees, its timetable, what the course covers and where it is. Once you know what each shortlisted university requires, you can start building a strong case for it.

Give the essay your best

The essays are the basis of your admission, so they should be well written, edited and vivid. Take your time, write several drafts, and ask friends to help you tighten them. Write them yourself. You are the one who will take the course, and the readers can tell when something is padded or false, so be honest.

Manage your time online

Keep up with everything that happens online while your application is under way, and do not miss a detail. If there are online discussions, join in. Answer the college promptly if a conversation has begun. Also tidy what you share on social networking sites, because they are a common way for universities to gauge your personality.

Reach out

If you have a doubt, contact the admissions office. Help desks exist for that reason. You could also speak to the alumni of the university to get a truer picture of life on campus.

Do not overdo it

Show what you can do, but do not go overboard trying to impress. Before you attach anything extra, ask whether it will be accepted. You do not want a clever move to backfire.

Think of the feeling when a friend or your spouse keeps you waiting. If you dislike it, remember it when you are the one who is late. Keeping people waiting can damage your relationship with them.

What lateness says

When someone is left waiting, it suggests they do not matter, or that you do not care. That is an unpleasant feeling. There are people you should never keep waiting, such as the interviewer at a job interview or a spouse who is waiting for you at the end of the day.

The message you send

Many people count their time as a form of wealth. It is valuable, and they spend it only on what and whom they cherish. Asking someone to meet you is asking them to spend some of that wealth on you. Being late then quietly says that the other person’s hours are worth less than your own.

But I am paying them

You may tell yourself that you pay your staff well, so a late arrival at a meeting is excused. The point is that you pay people for the work they produce, not for the time they spend waiting for you.

Fair exceptions

Some things lie beyond your control: a real emergency, an accident, a natural disaster. Even so, being on time is usually within your reach. Wake earlier, plan the event ahead, allow for traffic, and leave home in good time.

Stress on both sides

No one enjoys being kept waiting, though few admit it. Some people take offence when you are late. They may not take you seriously, they may think you are disrespectful, and worst of all, they may turn up late for the next meeting with you. Do yourself and the other person a favour and be on time.

When penicillin was discovered in 1928, it became one of the first antibiotics to defeat infectious disease. Ever since, antibiotics have been essential for preventing deaths that could have been avoided.

The troubling turn

All through the history of life, organisms have changed and adapted. Single celled bacteria do it faster than most, so fast that a majority are now resistant to a wide range of antibiotics. The United Nations rates the problem as a crisis, in the same class as the HIV epidemic.

What scientists tried

Researchers have taken up the challenge. One group at a university in the United States reported a possible weapon against resistant bacteria, published in the Journal of Antimicrobial Chemotherapy. Their answer lay in a specially built molecule, a peptide conjugated phosphorodiamidate morpholino oligomer, or PPMO for short. They believe it can block an enzyme that some bacteria make, one that carries the code for resistance along with several other genes.

The test

In the study the team paired the molecule with meropenem, an ultra broad spectrum antibiotic of the carbapenem family. Together they worked in mice infected with E. coli that carried the resistance enzyme. Testing on people was expected to begin in about three years, so treat the report as an early step and not a finished cure.

What you can do

Resistance grows every time an antibiotic is used where it was not needed. Take one only when a doctor prescribes it, and finish the course as directed.

Most of us have tried to reason with someone who simply will not be reasoned with. It is frustrating, maddening and sometimes a little frightening. The five skills below help you stay steady, so that you walk away from the conversation with your dignity intact.

Remember that it is about them

When someone lectures you, hands out advice you never asked for, or blames and attacks, they are often describing themselves. Before you react, imagine the same words aimed at the speaker. Do they fit better there? You can even turn the question around and ask whether the person has lived through what they describe, or felt the way they say you should feel.

Ask to be heard without being advised

Sometimes you do want to share something, just not to receive a fix. Say so at the start. Tell the person you would like to tell a story or describe an experience, and that you are not looking for advice. Ask whether they can simply listen while you unload a little. That one sentence heads off a good deal of irritation.

Listen like you mean it

Work out what the person is saying and what they seem to feel underneath the words. Then say it back to them, so they know you understood. Acknowledging what someone has said removes much of the friction from a conversation. You do not have to agree. You only have to grasp where the other person stands.

Give them some room

Perhaps a colleague wants to talk through personal troubles yet again, and you have neither the time nor the energy, with your own work waiting. Answer kindly. Say that you would like to hear more, but that you must get back to your task.

Speak your own truth

Do not be afraid of your feelings, or of saying what is true for you as it arises. Many people get emotionally hijacked because they dread feeling something uncomfortable. They want to get along, so they bottle it up, and the pressure comes out later in a worse form.

There is a long running argument about work. Older people tend to believe in working hard. The new generation believes in working smart, meaning more effective work and more time for themselves. They say that once you clock out, the work should stay behind. Each view has strengths and weaknesses, and many people wonder whether they have to pick one. They do not.

It is about balance

Know your limits. If you are exhausted, it is fine to take a break and return to the task refreshed. That does not mean you have stopped working hard. Working smart often means the good idea shows up once the mind is rested.

It is about being strategic

People who only work hard are often busy because they are overwhelmed by the tasks on their plate, perhaps five projects with tight deadlines. People who work both hard and smart set goals, rank the workload and keep looking for better ways to get the projects done.

It is about the right things

Someone who works hard on the wrong things will not succeed. Neither will someone who works smart on the wrong things. The skill lies in knowing which task needs your full effort, and not wearing yourself out on a job that matters less.

Emotional intelligence, often shortened to EI, is the ability to understand and handle your own feelings and those of the people around you. It affects how we manage our behaviour, get through social situations and make personal decisions. People with a higher level of it read the world and its people well, and they adjust their emotions to the place and the moment. Here are seven things they tend to do differently.

They are driven

They see the problems in the world and in people, yet they do not lose heart. They look for new ways around the obstacles and want to improve things for everyone.

They are self aware

They know their strengths and their weak points, and how to work on the weak ones. They are comfortable being who they are and feel secure in it.

They are empathetic

They listen to other people’s troubles and feel real compassion, placing themselves in the other person’s position. They feel the pain without letting it swallow them, and they look for a solution. They do not stay in the dark place of negative feelings.

They are curious

Everything interests them. They keep learning, enjoy new experiences and try several ways of solving one problem to see where each leads. They share what they learn, because knowledge grows when it is passed on.

They handle change well

Most people fear change. They believe it brings something good, that a few things may go wrong for the greater good, and that they will get through whatever comes.

They strike a balance

They are neither all work nor all play. They know what must be done on time and what can wait, and they give themselves breaks. They keep a routine and stick to it.

They do not chase perfection

They know perfection is a myth. They do what feels right at the moment, taking their strengths and weak points into account, and get on with it.

A role model is someone in your field or in your life whom you look up to for guidance or inspiration. You may never speak to them, yet they show you which way to go.

Why they matter

Role models count most for young people. When you face pressure from friends, money problems, an unsupportive home or a hard decision, a role model can offer input and advice where nobody else does. Someone struggling with an illness or a disability can gain a great deal from a person who has come through the same difficulties and can show how to cope.

Who can serve

Almost anyone can play the part. An older sibling, a relative, a teacher, a neighbour, a world leader or your own manager may be the person whose example shapes you most. Ask yourself whom you admire and why. The people you admire now are probably giving you your most useful lessons. Leaders at work matter here too, because a team with positive supervisors as role models gains from it, and so does the whole organisation.

What a good one does

Whatever their line of work, good role models share one trait: their example encourages those who follow to go further. They keep you motivated and lift your confidence.

How to pick

Start with four questions. What are your values, and what type of person do you want to be? What qualities do you need to live by those values? Who, near or far, shows those qualities consistently? What can you learn from how they live and what they have achieved? You can have separate role models for separate areas, such as business, social life and fitness. Write down your goals, find people who have reached what you want, and study them. That study becomes a map.

Keep your perspective

Most of us want success yesterday, and impatience pushes us to slack off or give up. Count the years your role model needed to get where they stand. That count shows how slow real progress is, and how much dedication it asks for.

You have grown fond of a friend and you are not sure what to do about it. That spot is often called the friend zone, and plenty of people find themselves there. There is no perfect script, but these steps make it easier.

Look at the risks first

A friendship you value is on the line, so think about what you stand to lose before you say anything. Once you have weighed it, begin showing your interest in small ways instead of a sudden declaration.

Find out where the other person stands

Talk to the friends you both have in common and learn how they feel about you. This helps you judge whether the feeling might be shared, without putting either of you on the spot.

Get the timing right

Even a direct approach works better with care. Do not blurt everything out of the blue. Wait until the two of you are alone and can speak openly, with no distraction and nobody around to cause embarrassment.

Build up slowly

Start with something small and work your way up. A long friendship will not turn into something special overnight, so give the change time to happen.

Be upfront

Say plainly how you feel. Hints and games only confuse people. An honest sentence, said kindly, respects the other person.

Be ready for a no

When you invite your friend on a date or make your feelings known, the answer may be no. Prepare yourself for that. If the friendship does not survive the conversation, do not blame yourself. You acted honestly, and that counts for something.

In every class a few students seem to do well without visible strain, while others study just as long and fall behind. It is tempting to look for a secret, but no pill is involved. What separates them is a small set of habits that anyone can borrow.

They go beyond the syllabus

Real learning does not stop at the textbook. Good students read other books, look up the ideas online and find out more than the class covered. That extra knowledge gives them something to add in an exam, and teachers notice it.

They take notes

Teachers cannot say everything twice, and most of it will not be in the book. Writing down what matters in class gives you material to return to at revision time, when the lesson is long gone.

They have a place to study

Learning does not happen well just anywhere. A quiet, well lit room helps, or a proper table in the bedroom where you can sit upright instead of lying on the bed. Keep the phone and the computer out of reach so that the temptation never comes up.

They make the page work for them

Highlight key lines and definitions in books and notes. Turn chapters into flow charts built around keywords, and put comparisons into tables. Headings and subheadings make a page far easier to scan than long paragraphs, and the more visual your notes are, the more easily the keywords bring back the rest.

They practise daily and test themselves

Reading a chapter proves nothing. You need to check whether it stuck. Teachers can set mock tests, and if they do not, a parent or friend can write one for you.

They plan with a timetable

Set aside fixed hours with clear goals, and build short breaks into them so the mind does not overload. Draw the timetable up well before exams. That way there is no last minute cramming, and no rote learning done in panic.