Tag: Young Adults

Dreams are meant to be followed and pursued. Do not give up on yours before you have even tried, just because they seem impossible right now. Life without dreams is a grey thing. Search for yours, and make a promise to yourself to fulfil them.

Know what you want

Following your dreams is simply impossible if you do not know what they are. Perhaps you always wanted to start your own business but never had the courage. Perhaps you wanted to be an artist but could never leave your present job. The answer to how to follow a dream always begins with being certain of what you want.

Take a risk

Often we know exactly what we want to do, yet we still do not do it. If you really want to succeed, you must be willing to risk failure. Every great dream carries some risk, and the people who achieve their dreams are the ones willing to accept it. Life often gives another chance to those ready to take it up and make something worthwhile of it, whatever the outcome.

Keep your options open

When you do what you love, you enjoy the result as well. But if you are doing something only for the end result, you will hate the process. If your dream really is about a particular result, keep looking for other ways of getting there.

Stay consistent

To achieve your dreams you must keep going steadily, even through setbacks. Push yourself to complete your planned steps even on days when you do not feel like doing anything. That is how habits are built. Many people quit too early, frequently right before the turning point where success begins. Unless you are sure it is time to try another dream, stay steady with the one in front of you.

Balance career and family

Remember that you cannot do it all. It helps to divide life into three areas for setting goals: career, family and weekends, and to pursue your dreams in all three. You may be tempted to keep adding more areas, but one rule of thumb holds that each extra area cuts your chance of success by about a quarter. Never give up on your dreams, but decide what truly matters and act on it. Let the rest go.

Live this one life fully

Your dreams can carry you through even the worst days. When you are struggling, they are your reason to keep going, the reason you wake up and try again. They make life worth living. The life you have now is the one you get, so make the most of it. Make mistakes and learn from them. Then, instead of brooding over what might have been, go ahead and follow your dreams. They give you meaning and purpose, and they drive you towards the future you choose.

Setting goals for yourself is a time-tested and proven way to stay motivated. A goal gives effort a direction, and a direction makes it easier to keep going on the days when enthusiasm runs low. But a goal without a date is only a wish. So the first rule is simple: give every goal a date by which you mean to reach it.

It also helps to sort your goals by how far away they are. Three distances are useful.

Short-term goals

These are goals you can reach within a few weeks or a couple of months. Finishing a course, clearing a pending task, building a small daily habit. Short-term goals give you quick wins, and quick wins keep motivation alive.

Mid-range goals

These need roughly one to two years. They need steady effort over a longer stretch, and they are often built from a chain of short-term goals reached one after another.

Long-term goals

Here you place the big decisions of life: your career path, plans for marriage, buying a home, or anything else that takes a long span of time. These goals shape the direction of the shorter ones, so it is worth thinking about them early, even if they seem far away.

Putting it together

Write down a few goals at each distance and give every one of them a deadline. Then let the long-term goals decide which mid-term goals matter, and the mid-term goals decide what you do in the next few weeks. That way, the small steps you take this month are not random. They are the first stretch of the road to what you want most.

Nobody truly stops an old habit or path. We begin something new, and the old simply drops away by itself.

Think of a tree that dies. Nobody has to work at making it decay. It simply breaks down and merges back into everything around it, its materials taken up again by other plants. That process of death, decay and renewal is a natural part of the world. Where life no longer moves through something, decay follows.

Apply that idea to our own lives and it brings a useful insight. It can release a great deal of anxiety about the things we are still “trying to get away from”.

Focus on the new, not on escaping the old

If you put your attention on the new thing, rather than on how to escape the old one, you naturally begin to move in that direction, and the old “job” falls away by itself. If you start looking for chances to do something you enjoy more, the moment one appears it becomes a bridge from here to there. The move from one to the other becomes possible, and often quite easy.

Many of us hold on to what is past out of fear of what lies ahead. At root, we lack faith in life, and in ourselves too. The remedy is to face that lack of trust, and to notice that when we follow our heart and what truly inspires us, support tends to appear along the way. Three keys help you begin the new and release the old.

1. Slow down

We have filled our lives with distractions: advertisements, social media, chatting, endless messages. Life was simpler when most people lived close to the land, but that life is gone and we must adapt. We need a practice of slowing down, taking time to breathe and simply being calm, even when old worries keep returning. In a quiet mind we understand life a little better each day.

2. Look actively for chances to change

Calm insight is only half of it. We still live in the practical world, and we must use what we learn to stay ready and alert for the openings that bring our lives closer to what we want. In the end this is about staying aware and present through the day. Do not let that awareness slip away. Stay mindful.

3. Act when the moment comes

Opportunities come and go all the time. When one arrives, it usually asks for action, or it fades away. That is your moment to act. Commit to seeing it through, not merely starting but finishing, so that what you create is whole, carries your own gifts, and is offered to the people around you.

When life gets very busy, a humble list can be the key to meeting every deadline. The clipping that inspired this post was written with busy women in mind, juggling home and work, but the benefits apply to anyone with too much to do and too little time. Here are a few good reasons to become a list maker.

It gives you more time

Surprising as it sounds, a list can give you time. With a packed schedule there is very little free time left. Yet the minutes spent writing a list save many more later, because you stop wasting effort wondering what comes next. Over a day, those savings can add up to hours.

It fights forgetfulness

If you tend to forget things, lists are your best defence. You will not miss an important deadline or event. It takes a moment to check your list, and that moment makes sure nothing slips through.

It keeps you organised

Whether you work from home or in an office, to-do lists help you keep a separate list for each area of life: personal, studies and work. Having one for every area makes it easier to get all the tasks done while still keeping your personal life intact.

It helps you excel at work

If you want to make a good impression on your manager, start with to-do lists. Becoming known as someone who never drops a project at the last minute, and who always gets every task done, will certainly help you stand out at work. This may be the best reason of all to keep a list.

A list is a small thing. Kept faithfully, it becomes a quiet assistant that gives back time, memory, order and reputation.

Have you reached a stage where your present work no longer feels like enough? Are you searching for your calling rather than settling for just a job? That feeling is worth taking seriously. It is also worth handling carefully, because a career change made in haste can leave you worse off than before. Here are a few ways to go about it.

Start by ruling things out

Begin with elimination. You might like a certain line of work but lack the qualification it needs, so it has to go off the list. Keep removing what does not fit, and you will be left with perhaps five or six options. Choose the best of them and prepare yourself for it. Ideally, you narrow the field down to one or two.

Do the groundwork before you leave

Do not give up your present job and jump into something new before the groundwork is done. Use your lunch break and the hours after work wisely to research, learn and prepare.

Test the new career first

If you can, try the new field before you quit the old one. Use your saved leave to spend time with people already doing the work you want. See the reality for yourself and compare it with what you imagined the job to be and what you expect from it.

Bridge rather than leap

Avoid drastic changes where possible. Instead, hop and skip, building a bridge from your present work towards the work you want. Begin by looking for openings inside your own organisation and consider a sideways move. Staff with long service are usually valued, and managers are often willing to help them move. That way not everything changes at once. The familiar parts give you a comfort that softens the shock of the transition.

Move when you are ready

The older we get, the harder it becomes to adjust. So do not let anyone rush you. Make the move only when you genuinely feel ready.

A calling is worth seeking. Seek it with a plan, a test run and a bridge under your feet.

Music is a powerful force that brings joy to anyone who hears it. Learning to play an instrument gives a strong feeling of accomplishment, and the experience is deeply rewarding, that improves other areas of life as well. If you never had the chance to learn, it is not too late. It needs a bit of effort, and plenty of patience and perseverance. Here are some benefits that may surprise you and deepen your appreciation for music.

It strengthens memory

This is one of the most wonderful benefits. Research has repeatedly found that listening to music and playing it can both boost memory, because they stimulate the brain. Since this activity keeps the mind alert and active, it is never too late to start, and it helps keep your memory sharp.

It eases stress

Playing regularly can actually lower your stress levels. What better way to relax than playing a favourite tune, the kind that sets your feet tapping, or a gentle melody? Even listening to a favourite song helps.

It improves coordination

Playing needs good hand and eye coordination. You read the notes, and your brain has to turn them, without your noticing, into precise movements. You add a rhythm, and you even pay attention to your breathing, so that the music comes out beautifully.

It widens your social life

Music connects you with all kinds of people, and playing an instrument will certainly enrich your social life.

It teaches discipline

Learning can be hard at times, but do not give up, because the rewards are many. Discipline is one of the most important qualities a musician has. You must become more organised, practise every day even when you do not feel like it, and set priorities so that there is enough time to perfect the skill.

It makes you responsible

Learning an instrument takes patience, because it demands a lot of time and effort. You will rehearse a great deal and work on difficult passages again and again before you finally play them correctly.

It sharpens maths

To play, you learn to count notes and rhythms, which improves your maths skills. Music theory has many mathematical sides too. Research also suggests that young people who play music or study the arts often outperform their peers in maths and score better grades, and music students tend to receive more academic honours and awards.

Pick up the instrument you have always wanted to play. The music is the reward you hear. The patience, focus and discipline are the rewards you keep.

We live in a world that often pretends dominance is better than sensitivity. Sensitive people go the other way. They try to fill the world around them with compassion, both for their own good and for the good of others, and that alone is a huge benefit. If you are one of them, or live alongside one, here are some other strengths that sensitivity quietly brings.

People are drawn to you

Good people tend to gravitate towards a sensitive person. So do people who are not so good, and, believe it or not, some of them become better simply by spending time around you. One of the greatest gifts of being highly sensitive is that you can become the centre of a circle where good things happen. In your company, others often find their own creativity waking up. They may also feel more comfortable and free to show their true selves, because they sense that you will not judge them harshly.

You feel good things deeply

Sensitive people feel everything deeply, and that includes the good. When something good happens, even something small, they experience the happiness and gratitude at a deep level. A kind compliment, or a warm conversation with a friend or family member, can completely make their day. They love deeply, and they also feel the love of others deeply. That is a wonderful way to live.

You are creative

Sensitive people are strongly affected on the inside by what happens outside them. That is often described as a weakness, but the same openness gives them access to a deep source of creativity inside. Being sensitive gives a person a front row seat to the inner show: the creativity, intuition and clarity that live inside every one of us.

Feeling deeply cuts both ways, and hard moments will be felt sharply too. But the same trait that makes a person easily moved also makes them a magnet for good people and a well of creative ideas. There is nothing in it to apologise for.

The fear of missing out troubles a huge part of the population, especially young people. It is an ongoing worry that other people are enjoying something rewarding while you are not there. People caught in it keep reaching for their phones to check messages, and keep opening social media to see what everyone else is up to. Left unchecked, it can feed anxiety, sleeplessness and low moods. If it becomes severe, professional help may be needed, and a school or college counsellor is a good place to start.

The fear shows up in two opposite ways. Some people overcommit and then fail to keep their commitments. Others avoid committing to anything at all. Often the reason is the same: a worry that saying yes to one thing means losing the chance of something more satisfying. So they try to keep every option open. To loosen the grip of this irrational fear, try the following.

Slow down

Most of us go through everything faster than we need to. Take your time when you eat, drive, talk or go about everyday tasks. Put up sticky notes in places you will see them, as reminders to yourself. Meditate often, or try yoga. You can even put a sign in the kitchen that simply says “slow down”. It works more often than you would think.

Know what matters

Sort the essential from the merely attractive, and drop the things that do not improve the quality of your life. Say no to more things. You will then have more time for the experiences that are genuinely rewarding. More is not always better. Focus on quality, not quantity.

Be willing to not have it all

Needs are limited. Desires are endless. Choosing certain activities as priorities allows you to let go of the others. Decide what your highest priorities are, and give them your attention.

Practise mindfulness

Instead of chasing an imagined happiness somewhere else, aim for the deep satisfaction of mindfulness: being present in your own life without judging every experience as it happens. Instead of hungrily seeking recognition, enjoy the ordinary pleasures of the day.

Savour the moment

Take time to enjoy pleasant experiences rather than rushing through them in search of the next thrill. Smell the coffee, the flowers and the other lovely scents around you. Really taste, see and feel what your daily life offers.

Choose gratitude

Rather than chasing illusions we believe will make us happy, we can feel grateful for what we already have. That turns our attention to what is present instead of what is missing. The fear of missing out is a fear of lacking something we think we need. Gratitude answers it by counting our blessings right now, in this moment, where life is actually happening.

We all know that helping people is good. It makes life a little better for the people we help. What we forget is that the person receiving the kindness is not the only one who benefits. Giving brings plenty of rewards to the giver too. Here are a few of them.

Doing good feels good

It sounds obvious, yet sometimes the smallest wave is what finally carries you to the shore. This reason may look small, but it may be one of the biggest on the list. Whatever you do, whether tiny or life changing, the memory of having done it, and the feeling, drive and passion for others that comes with it, is deeply life enriching. Everyone should try it at least once.

You may find out who you are

It has been wisely said that you find yourself by losing yourself in serving others. Even small acts, like doing the shopping or the cleaning for a person unable to manage it, can draw your body, mind and spirit out of isolation and into laughter, gratitude and quiet reflection. Somewhere along the way, your true self comes into view.

It builds strong connections

Helping is not a transaction where you do a good turn and then each of you walks off. Once you have made a real difference to another person, a bond forms between you. Working together builds trust, and that trust draws the two of you closer from both sides.

It lifts your self-esteem

Consider offering a few hours to a cause close to your heart. Volunteers tend to show stronger self-esteem and better well-being in general. The explanation experts give is simple: the more socially connected we feel, the better we feel about ourselves. The benefit also depends on consistency: the more regularly you volunteer, the more confident you become.

You become part of something bigger

Serving an organisation or institution in person is different from sending a cheque to charity, although a cheque is sometimes a fine way to help too. Hands-on service gives you an identity, a circle of people you belong to, and the sense that your effort counts for something.

So the next time you lend a hand, notice what comes back. Kindness rarely travels in only one direction.

Life’s challenges are what help us grow. In many ways they are our greatest gifts. Even so, daily worries can sweep us away. Even while we try hard to live mindfully, we sometimes slip back into old habits. That is entirely normal, and no cause for alarm. It is exactly why peace is not a one-time achievement but a commitment and a practice for the whole of life. Keep these five ideas close when times get hard.

1. Use your senses

When the mind is crowded, turning to your senses helps enormously. Feel your fingertips on the keys as you type. Feel each foot land as you walk. Notice the smell of the air. Each time you return your attention to this moment, you pull it away from worry and back to what is actually real, here and now.

2. Slow down

Many of us love to rush. We dash from one place to the next and hurry through every job. When the body is scattered, the mind scatters with it. Slowing your pace quietens the mind, and there is deep serenity in unhurried, gentle movement. Rushing is rarely needed. The work will get done either way, so let us bring peace into the doing as well.

3. Calm your breathing

Under stress, breathing easily becomes too shallow, or even too deep, and that can lead to hyperventilation. When it happens, the best thing is to slow your breathing down. Rather than gulping huge breaths, softer and lighter ones can really calm you. Just make sure your belly expands as you breathe in. Monks in meditation do not take giant breaths. You can barely see them breathing at all, much as our own breathing slows when we sleep.

4. Relax your muscles

Muscles tighten quietly, often without our knowing. Simply noticing that tightness, and then deliberately loosening each muscle, makes a real difference. Check through your body every so often, from head to toe, and release whatever tension you find.

5. Make peace the priority

Nothing matters more than peace. With peace, everything else in life becomes easier, and even the hardest challenges are not quite so hard. Pain cannot always be avoided, but suffering is a choice. Worry and misery are never required, because any situation can be met with peace. Our own lives, and the lives of those around us, become far more pleasant once we master this skill.

As the Buddha put it, the secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past or worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.