Tag: Young Adults

You have probably watched someone who seems to grow stronger under stress. Where you see a mountain of work, they see an exciting challenge. Where you see a frightening road into the unknown, they see an adventure. Stress that is far too intense will rarely do anyone good. But there are healthy ways to handle the ordinary kind, and you can sharpen your skill at it.

Sort the problem on paper

Good problem solving turns a fog of worry into a list you can act on.

• Name the problem clearly, in a sentence.
• Write down every possible solution you can think of, without judging them yet.
• Now go through each idea and mark it. Put a cross beside the ones that are not possible, a question mark beside the ones that would be hard, and a tick beside the steps you could take straight away.
• Give yourself dates by which you will complete the ideas you can act on.

Once those tasks are done, return to the question marks. Often they look far less difficult after the first wins are behind you.

Small ways to relax your mind

There are countless ways to unwind if you simply pause for a minute and look around you. If you feel there is no time to sit and think, try these simple steps instead.

• Start the day early. Wake up in good time, eat a healthy breakfast without hurrying, and reach your work or college early. Not having to rush anywhere feels surprisingly good. You have time to look around and walk at an easy pace. Enjoying some music while you eat breakfast can calm you as much as meditation does.
• Step away when tension peaks. If a tense moment builds up at work, stop right there. Leave the phone on the desk and go out for some fresh air and sunlight. The place you are in can itself add to your strain, so a short change of scene helps.
• Clear and warm up your space. A cluttered desk can leave you feeling worn out and low. Tidy it, then add a personal touch, such as a photograph or a small toy of a cartoon character you love.

Stress will come. The difference lies in whether it scatters you or gives you something clear to work on.

A morning routine is what sets you up for a good day. It helps you feel organised and productive. Here are some simple steps for building one.

Get up a little earlier

It helps to make a habit of rising earlier, even if you do not think of yourself as a morning person. We are often told we have failed if we are not up at half past four or five. That is far from true. Waking at seven or eight, a couple of hours before your day’s work begins, gives you plenty of time for yourself.

Know what the morning is for

Not every routine serves the same purpose. A routine that works wonders for one person can drag another down. Begin by working out what you actually need from your day, and build from there.

Make your bed

It will be the first thing you finish each day. That small win brings a little pride and a lift in motivation for everything that follows. Simple, but powerful.

Stretch

Stretching improves flexibility, helps you move better in any physical activity and lowers the risk of injury by helping your muscles work well. It takes only a couple of minutes, but the effect is real.

Write a plan

Once you know what you want to do, put it together as a plan. List the activities in the order you will do them. You can always change it later, but keep it as specific as possible. It helps to keep the list where you will see it every morning.

Decide what to avoid

This may feel odd, but the next step is to list the things you do not want to be doing. Think of everything that raises your chances of falling short of your goals, and train yourself to drop them. Line this list up with your goals and you are already on the right track.

Do not hit snooze

Drifting back to sleep after the snooze button starts a fresh sleep cycle. But that extra sleep is light and broken, and it can leave you more tired all day. Do yourself a favour and get up as soon as the alarm rings.

Give thanks

For all that life has handed you, whether people, experiences, love, health or progress, take a moment to feel truly grateful for it. Reminding yourself of this every day keeps you humble and gives you solid ground from which to aim higher.

Try it for seven days

With your plan ready, commit to following it for the next seven days, whether or not you start on a Monday. That is the best way to begin a habit. If you would like help keeping track, there are simple tools you can use.

A good morning aims at a few things: becoming alert, looking after your mood, nourishing your mind, caring for your health, and moving towards your long-term goals.

Habit is more reliable than inspiration. It keeps you going whether you feel inspired or not. Habit is simply persistence put into practice.

Why habits matter more than willpower

Willpower and inspiration do help when you push yourself towards your goals. But the right habits have far more to do with whether you get there. A habit is a choice we once made on purpose, then stopped thinking about, and kept doing, often every day. Habits such as hard work, discipline and thoroughness have a direct effect on your money and your way of life. Once a habit forms, you carry out the action without a second thought. Nothing shapes where your life is heading quite like your habits.

From vague wishes to clear steps

We all have goals, big and small, things we want to reach within a certain time. One person hopes to be well off by thirty; another plans to finish writing a book within half a year. When we chase something vague, such as success, wealth, health or happiness, turning it into a concrete goal is usually the first step.

How habits work

Habits are processes running in the background that power our lives. Good habits help us reach our goals; bad ones hold us back. Either way, they strongly steer what we do on autopilot. Once formed, they work automatically, and once deeply rooted, a habit can last a lifetime unless something breaks it. Habits turn demanding jobs, such as putting money aside, into something effortless.

A well-chosen set of habits helps us reach our goals one small step at a time. Habits are powerful but fragile. They can grow without our noticing, or we can design them on purpose. They often appear without our permission, yet they can be reshaped by adjusting their parts. Their influence on our lives runs much deeper than we notice, so strongly that our minds cling to them, sometimes even against common sense.

Look closely, and much of any life turns out to be a collection of habits, practical, emotional and mental, carrying us steadily towards whatever future they point to, for better or worse. So choose them well.

If you want to change your life, you have to raise your standards, because the quality of your life reflects them. Everyone wants high standards, but far fewer actually hold to them. High standards in a young person are often seen as unusual, yet they are entirely possible, and simpler than you might think. Here are the main areas where you can raise them.

Health

Many adults live with long-term health problems, often more than one. Many do not get the exercise their bodies need, and heart trouble has become very common. Smoking, heavy drinking, poor food and inactive living are major causes. It is best to start young. To feel well and feel good in your body, you have to rise above the average. Raise your standard by eating wholesome food, keeping your body active, sleeping well and resting on purpose. A healthy mind lives in a healthy body.

Money

To raise your standards with money, learn to manage it. Spend wisely, keep track of what goes out, save for hard times and make sensible choices with the rest. You can live simply without being stingy. Avoid buying things on impulse for yourself, but do not hesitate to spend on the people you love. Keep looking for ways to learn and do your work better. Raise your standards in your work and the results improve, and you will come to enjoy it. Find your strengths and build on them to give something of value to the world.

Relationships

Do not lower your standards to suit people who will not raise theirs. Meeting new people is wonderful, but if you are careless about who you spend most of your time with, you may get stuck in ordinary or narrow ways of thinking. Do not shrink yourself to fit in. Seek out people who raise the bar and help you grow. Be wary of those who show jealousy, selfishness, quiet hostility, dishonesty or self-obsession; such people drain your energy. Surround yourself with people who accept you, respect you and inspire you. They will not be perfect, but they should lift you in some way. Raising your standards in relationships also means giving others your full attention, love and effort.

Self-discipline

You raise your standards each time you say no to a distraction, wait for a reward, or choose some discomfort for the sake of a bigger goal. Small daily choices are the foundation. Stop reacting to every temptation. The pull to open social media, check notifications, eat badly, skip exercise, buy things you do not need, dwell on the past or waste time will always be there. It is up to you to notice these urges and stop them before they take over. Find a healthy balance, without indulging beyond what you allow yourself.

It all starts in the mind

Shape your surroundings so your thoughts help you. Speak to yourself from a higher point of view. Notice where your standards slip, and think about what it costs you to leave them there. Change the beliefs that limit you and act to quieten self-doubt. Run your own race, keep learning and improving, drop the excuses and take full responsibility for your life.

No friendship is immune to the twin troubles of anger and jealousy. Here is how to handle them well.

Let small disagreements go

It is fine if you do not always agree with each other, and you do not need to stop being friends with someone because of it. Some people even end up cutting off their own children for not agreeing with how they live. It takes a lot of personal work to undo that kind of damage, so do not let it start.

Accept that friends annoy each other

Loving your friends does not mean liking them every minute. You are allowed to get on each other’s nerves. That is simply being human.

Be honest about jealousy

Nobody likes feeling jealous, but everyone feels it, and it does not have to wreck a friendship. First see whether you can handle it yourself, perhaps by letting off steam with another friend or by giving yourself a little space. If it does not fade, or it begins to affect the way you treat your friend, talk about it.

Suppose your friend has just landed their dream job while you have been trying for ages to leave one you dislike. Tell them you are happy for them, and a little jealous too. But do not make your jealousy their problem or expect them to give things up for your sake. Instead, take the situation in your stride and keep working hard towards your own goals.

Learning to manage your emotions helps you change how you feel and how you cope with what life throws at you. Emotions, thoughts and the urges we act on are all linked. Left unmanaged, they can lead us towards self-sabotage and self-harm.

When we practise managing our emotions, our thoughts, outlook and mood clearly improve. Living more positively also brings big benefits, such as more compassion, more empathy and better relationships with others.

A simple five-step check

One well-known technique for handling emotions uses the letters STOPP. If you are struggling to keep your feelings in hand, it is a reliable way to manage them better.

S: Stop

Pause the moment you feel an emotion running away with you. Stop, and step back, out of the room or out of the situation if you can.

T: Take a breath

Notice your breathing as air comes in and goes out. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.

O: Observe your thoughts and feelings

What thoughts are passing through your mind right now? Where is your attention? What exactly are you reacting to?

P: Pull back for perspective

Look at the bigger picture, as though from high above. Is there another way to see this? How much does it really matter? How much will it matter six months from now?

P: Practise what works, then proceed

What is the best thing to do right now? What would help most, for you, for the others involved and for the situation? What can you do that fits your values?

Bad experiences can leave us feeling hopeless and low. Everyone meets hard times at some point, but with the right attitude and steady effort they can be overcome.

Adversity is more than a single difficulty or setback. It is a run of misfortunes that keeps you from your goals and from feeling content. It may come from unfairness in the world around you or from a personal loss. Here are some ways to work through it.

Sort and rank your problems

In difficult times it is easy to get pulled off course by small setbacks and disappointments. These can quickly pile up until they feel overwhelming. Learn to tell the difference between minor letdowns and real obstacles to your goals.

Look for the positive

To get past adversity, keep your attention on what is good, whether that is the better parts of your present situation or the good feeling you will have once you reach what you are aiming for.

Treat mistakes as lessons

Do not see your mistakes as failures. Recognise and admit when you have got something wrong, then work out what the situation taught you and what you will do differently next time.

Face forward

Learn what you can from the past, then turn quickly to using those lessons for what lies ahead. The past cannot be changed, so dwelling on it only feeds hopelessness. The future, on the other hand, is full of possibility.

Accept that hard times come to everyone

Some people meet more trouble than others, but nobody escapes setbacks and difficult stretches. Once you accept adversity as an ordinary part of life, you waste less time feeling stuck and helpless.

Keep a second plan

Look for more than one answer to each problem and have a fallback ready. Options keep hope alive and give you other routes forward if your first attempt does not work.

Set goals you can reach

Choose sensible goals and break them into smaller steps you can complete one after another. That keeps you motivated and cuts down frustration. Each small win lifts your confidence as you move towards the bigger aim.

Everyday life can be frustrating. Often the best way to handle a bad day is simply to let it go. That is easier said than done, so try a gentle distraction instead.

Do something that soothes you

Choose something that makes you happy or quietens your mind. Settle down with a book once the day is done, or take a slow walk among trees. You might sip a cup of herbal tea and feel better for the rest of the evening.

Reach for company

If solitude does not lift you, step out with a friend or someone close to you and let the conversation take your mind off things.

Break the routine

After a day spent sulking, a distraction can be a real blessing. Step away from your usual routine for a while. A change of scene or activity gives your mind room to settle, and tomorrow looks different from a calmer place.

Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats: businesses look at these four together to judge where they stand, where they have been and where they are going. Turned on yourself, the same simple check can help you grow into the best version of who you are.

Know what you want from it

Before you start, decide what you are looking for. A new direction? A new achievement where you already are? Personal growth, or the courage to try something different? Then ask yourself questions under each of the four headings. Honest answers are essential; without them, the exercise tells you nothing useful.

Start with your strengths

Begin by naming your strengths, the qualities and skills that set you apart. Ask yourself: What comes naturally to me? Which skills have I worked hard to build? What talents was I born with? Then do the same for your weaknesses, the openings around you, and the things that could hold you back.

Read the results

There are two useful ways to make sense of what you find. The first is matching. Pair your strengths with your opportunities, and you see where to push forward and act. Pair your weaknesses with your threats, and you see what needs work.

The second is turning negatives into positives. That might mean building a skill through study, or finding a creative way to make a weakness work as a strength. Take someone who loves company: a quiet, inward-looking setting may not suit you. Move towards something that involves meeting and talking with people, and what looked like a weakness becomes a strength.

Act on what you learn

Once the review is done, follow through on what it showed you. Act, and make the most of the openings you have found. Doing so helps you in every part of life and helps you stand out.

Quiet sitting can wash away the stress of the day and leave you with a sense of inner calm. It does good for body, mind and spirit alike. It relaxes the body and eases tension, lowers stress and settles the mind, bringing calm and peace. Here is how you can practise it whenever you need to.

Start with your breath

A good way to bring a wandering mind back is to focus on your breathing. You can learn structured breathing exercises from a good teacher, but the simplest form is just this: stop, and breathe. Slow, deep breaths help calm an anxious mind. You may find you become more focused and clear, and get through your work faster than before.

Watch your thoughts

The mind is always full of thoughts, and clinging to negative ones brings suffering. Remember that thinking something does not make it true. However high or low you feel, that rollercoaster of emotion is not you; you are far more than that. When feelings threaten to overwhelm you, pause and return to breathing.

Stay in the present

The more present and aware you are, the less you suffer. One way to train this is to change small routines. Brush your teeth with your other hand. Take a different route to work. Swap your knife and fork. When you catch yourself fretting over the past or worrying about the future, stop, breathe and return to the present. Remember that this, too, will pass.

Value yourself

Do not look to others for approval. Everything you need is already inside you. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and give yourself all the kindness you need. If that feels hard, treat yourself as you would treat your dearest friend.

Be patient

Worrying about a problem without working on a solution will not solve it. Healing takes time too. Old patterns are slow to fade, because we live by habit. Give body and mind time to settle into anything new. When it feels as though you have slipped backwards, simply breathe and reconnect with yourself. Steady practice will keep you on track.

The past is not healed by dwelling on it. It is healed by living fully in the present.