Tag: Young Adults

If we could get a grip on the worry that grabs our minds so often, so constantly and so often without our noticing, we would greatly improve our chances of a longer, happier and more successful life.

Why worry feels like home

Whatever you have been doing for years, perhaps decades, feels familiar and comfortable, even when it is something as harmful as worrying. Taking a leap into the unknown and making a change that might turn out well can feel more frightening and more uncomfortable than staying with what you know, even if what you know is worse for you in the long run.

Deciding to let it go

At some point you have to make up your mind to let go of that old, familiar part of yourself. You have to fill the space that worrying used to take up with new ways of thinking. That may feel strange at first, because it is not as familiar as your old thoughts. It can be both scary and exciting. You are no longer just someone who sees themselves as a worrier and uses a few tricks to worry less. You are making a deep change to who you are and how you see yourself. You are letting go of something that has been a big part of you and leaving it by the side of the road.

What worry really does

Worry wastes time and drains our energy. We believe all our worrying will somehow help. We believe that if we worry enough, we might stop bad things from happening. The truth is that worrying about everything, whether it happens or not, does not protect us at all.

Choose gratitude instead

So be thankful for the things you do have, and do not dwell on circumstances you cannot control. Keep your thoughts on the good things.

Sometimes people reach a point where they simply want to begin again, yet they are afraid to try. It is never too late.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know things are just not working? Whether in your relationships or in your work, you may feel stuck and unhappy with how things are. The good news is that as the world keeps changing so quickly, there are more chances than ever to do things that once seemed impossible after a certain age or a certain stage of life.

Age is a state of mind

Age is largely an idea we have agreed on together, and it should not decide or limit what you are capable of or what you aim for. But there is more to it than that. A fresh start goes beyond outside factors such as time and age. It is about you: your willingness to accept challenges and your determination to break free from your present situation.

What limitations really are

To break free from our limits, we need to step back and see clearly what limits actually are. On the surface, they are things that stop you from doing something. Look deeper and you find they are what keeps you trapped in a loop. They keep you facing the same problems, making the same choices and taking the same actions again and again. Your limits shape the quality of your life. So if you want a better life, you have to break out of the limits that keep you going round the same circle day after day, month after month and year after year.

It starts with how you see things

It may seem that your limits are beyond your control, or simply things that happen to you. But the reality you live in comes from the way you see it. Learning to steer how you look at things is the key to breaking free and starting over. In that sense, every limit begins in the mind. You can learn to take charge of your limits, and with them, your dreams.

There will be times when life turns truly awful. One thing follows another until it feels as though bad luck or misfortune has swallowed you whole. How do you climb back towards a good life when that happens? A few ideas follow.

Look up

Put your attention on what is within your power today. What matters is accepting life as it really is, full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Fight that truth and you turn sour, resenting life for its hardness.

Gather a circle of support

The road back to warmth and love is far shorter when caring people walk it with you. However often you promise yourself not to dwell on the bad things, there will be moments when you do. That is when your circle matters most.

Reconnect with nature and with yourself

Quiet reflection, singing, drumming, dancing, gentle stretching or slow movement in the open air: all of these can help you come back in touch with your own mind.

Get going

When you have a rough sense of what you want, chase it. Things may not change overnight, but they will start to move. As soon as you put your energy into things you care about and into your aims, your mood starts to lift.

A fine wax candle lay stored in a box with many others just like it. It grumbled that it had been sentenced to a useless life of idleness. “What good is a candle that never burns?” it asked. “Is that not the very thing I was made for?”

A grand ornamental candle beside it offered comfort. “Be patient. Your moment is coming.”

At last, the flame

In time, the candle was lifted from the box, set in a handsome holder and lit. Now it was content. Its calm glow filled every shadowy nook and shone out through the glass, visible from a long way off.

Then, the fear

After a while the candle noticed that it was getting shorter, even though its flame burned as brightly as ever. “What is happening to me?” it cried when it realised. “With every moment I grow smaller. Trees do not have this trouble; they only grow bigger. Why should my reward for giving light be to lose my very self?”

The answer

Then the ornamental candle answered. “What is there to fear? Can you not see that you have been turned into light? Even people seldom manage that. The light that leaves this room becomes brightness somewhere else. All of us must burn, whether in a grand hall or a humble hut, and each of us carries the same message: that the time of darkness will one day come to an end.”

What we give of ourselves is not lost. It goes out into the world and lights someone else’s way.

Good posture is a very important part of a healthy life, yet it is something most of us keep postponing, much like cutting down on coffee or watching less television. You may not realise how many ways standing and sitting straighter can affect your life. Here are the changes you can expect once you finally stop slouching.

More energy

Tired at the end of a long day, we slump into the chair, thinking the body will rest. The opposite happens. Your muscles have to work harder to hold you up. Sitting upright is in fact the least tiring way to hold yourself, so you will have more energy and feel less worn out.

Less pain and less tension

Good posture means less strain on your joints and back, which helps prevent injuries and aches later on. When you slump, your lungs cannot work to their full capacity. Sitting upright opens your airways and improves circulation, easing tension and pressure.

Easier on the joints

Poor posture can do real damage to your joints. Good posture keeps your muscles aligned and balanced, reducing the load on your joints and the risk of injury.

Less stress

Good posture can lift your mood. It brings fewer aches, more energy and more confidence. It is a fairly small change to make, but it can bring big results. Sometimes the smallest things make the biggest difference.

Fewer headaches

If you often get tension headaches, poor posture may be partly to blame. Keeping good posture can help, though persistent headaches are always worth raising with a doctor.

We all wish we were a little braver. Yet fear creeps into our ordinary routines. It stops us acting, holds us back at work and makes us put things off.

Bravery is mental toughness, knowledge and confidence rolled into one quality. With it you can make hard decisions, act without wasting time and walk into uncomfortable situations with ease. You need it when you take on something new, when you have to stand up to someone, and even when things are going badly.

Hold on to the moments you feel brave

When you do something brave, try to bottle the feeling in your mind, or at least remember it as clearly as you can. Celebrate it, take a photograph, keep a small token, anything that reminds you how good you were in that moment. What you did matters less than the fact that you were brave. Notice the times you feel strong and capable. Stop, breathe slowly and deeply, and say to yourself, “This is who I am.” The more often you recognise your own strength, the less afraid you become. Every brave moment, big or small, is fuel for the next one, and that fuel is there whenever you need it.

Use your emotions as tools

Emotions can be hard to control, but learning to steer them is one of the best ways to beat fear of any kind. Focused emotions can lift you up and can even help others. Strong determination, for example, can drown out the fear. You would not normally go looking for reasons to be angry, but a measure of indignation can be more useful than you might think. If parts of your situation stir strong feelings in you, put them to work.

Ask what you would do if you were not afraid

Sometimes being brave is simply a matter of looking at things from outside. If you were not afraid, could you do what needs doing? Probably. Would you be better off for it? Most likely. When you step back and see your situation from another angle, you may find you are fully capable of acting without fear. And if bravery will not come in the moment, act as if you are not afraid. Others will see you as brave all the same, and you may convince yourself that the fear was mostly in your head. Picture everything you could get done if fear were not in the way.

How courage grows

To become braver, you need to be terrified of something, do it anyway, and find yourself a little less scared the next time. The only alternative is to be terrified of something, do nothing, and remain terrified.

The choices we make, minute by minute, shape where our lives go. Each one has an immediate effect on us and on the people around us. So choose wisely.

Standing at a crossroads and deciding which way to go is a picture of life itself. Whoever you are, you face choices every day. Even deciding to do nothing is a choice, though seldom the most useful one. Knowing which choice is right can still be extremely hard. These ideas can help.

This choice will not change everything

Most likely, the choice in front of you will not transform your life, and its effects will not last for ever. So step into the decision knowing that you can change course later, try something else, learn from your mistakes and carry on. Seeing a choice clearly as something that is not a threat makes it much easier.

Weigh your options, then act

The wiser approach is to look carefully at your options, pick the one with the most in its favour and go for it. Then act. That is far better than sitting on the sidelines doing nothing. Once you have weighed the options and chosen, stop second-guessing yourself.

If it does not work, try something else

Nobody makes the right choice every time; life does not work that way. Giving up the moment you meet disappointment is not the way to get the most out of life. Trying something different is. If you stumble the first time, it does not mean you are bad at choosing. Take in the lesson and work out a new approach. This comes more easily the more you base decisions on clear reasoning and then follow through.

Ask people you trust

Keep wise people around you with whom you can talk through a choice before you settle it. You may find there is another way. There is always another way. Our task is simply to put ourselves where we can learn to choose well.

Choose your best time to decide

If you try to decide while stressed, tired, hungry, angry or low, your choice may not be well thought through. Pick a time when you are rested, full of energy and ready to act. That might be early morning, or after you have unwound at the end of the day. Whenever you can look at your options calmly and reach a sensible, workable decision, use that time. Your choices will show the difference.

When you are searching for an answer, the best thing to do is often to pause, be still and listen. Learning to hear your own inner sense of what is right may be the most important skill you ever develop.

Good ideas usually turn up when we are not ready for them. It is often said that an adult has tens of thousands of thoughts a day. Try recalling a hundred of the thoughts you had earlier today. Hard, is it not?

Forgetting most of them is normal. Our brains filter out what is not needed so that we are not overwhelmed. The trouble is that plenty of great ideas get thrown out along the way.

Never trust your memory

Think back to the brilliant, world-changing idea that came to you in the shower. Can you remember it? Of course not. It slipped through the gaps in your memory, never to return, because you did not take a moment to write it down.

In our rush through the day, we rarely stop to note the ideas that drift through our heads. Some people even think it is a waste of time. We assume that if a thought really matters, we will remember it later and act on it. We do not, and all we are left with is a vague, empty feeling. So do not be lazy. Write the idea down, however sure you are that you will remember it.

Resist the urge to organise

It is very tempting to start arranging your thoughts the moment they arrive. Do not. Organising is a separate job for later, when you move from loose, wandering thinking into focused work. Stick to thinking freely, write each idea down, and leave it alone for now. If you try to organise as you go, you will lose many ideas because you are fixed on just one. You will also lose energy, because you are piling on work and making the whole thing harder.

Look back over your ideas regularly

Once your ideas are on paper, return to them and build them into something bigger. Review them about three times a week. As you do, weed out the weaker ones, arrange the rest and start developing those with the most promise.

Remember, most people have plenty of good ideas. Very few bother to write them down, and those few are the ones who succeed.

Life wears us down easily. We all carry responsibilities: bills, work, children and more. Amid all that pressure, it is easy to think only of ourselves and forget what other people need. Make time for the small things that can bring a smile to someone’s face.

A smile grows out of inner peace and a glad heart. It is the one thing that makes every person look beautiful, and there is no better way to start a day. A real smile comes from a happy spirit, so spread that joy by being the reason someone else smiles. A smile shared with the world is a sign of friendship and peace.

Surprise someone with a small kindness

Surprise someone with an unexpected kind act. A positive attitude spreads from person to person, and the results are lovely. The world can feel heavy, and nobody climbs out of stress easily on their own. So treat people to something they love, or a gift you know will make them smile. We are all in this together, and kindness always comes back around.

Give a sincere compliment

Compliments are powerful and can make someone’s day. Few things make people smile like warm, encouraging praise, and even the shyest of us love to hear something good about ourselves. Giving compliments sets off a chain of goodwill. Letting someone know they have made a difference in your life, or that you admired how they handled a situation, is a valuable gift.

Smile at someone

Simply smile at someone. Do it from the heart and you may be surprised by what follows. Smiling is not something we copy from our surroundings; it comes from within. A smile for a passer-by, a note for someone having a hard day, a long hug for your best friend, or a good-luck message to someone facing an exam are all easy ways to spread joy.

Thank people, and apologise

Whether we realise it or not, few words are treasured more than “thank you” and “sorry”. In effect you are saying, “Thank you for your effort, your thoughtfulness and your care.” The same goes for owning up to your mistakes. The other person may not smile when you apologise, but later they may well smile as they think about your honesty and courage.

Be there for others

Fill your heart with so much love that it spills into the lives of others. Reach out to people and be a light in a world that badly needs one. When someone truly needs you, be there whenever you can.

Why it matters to you too

Smiling gives you more influence and a bigger effect on the people around you, because it shapes how we feel in each other’s company and how others see us. It also helps us feel good ourselves, which is one more reason to smile. A smile does as much for your own wellbeing as it does for anyone else’s.

Most of us do not warm to people who show off. We assume they are arrogant, and sometimes their display reminds us of how little we have achieved ourselves.

From the outside, show-offs seem happy. They appear to own plenty of what others want, and sometimes they seem superior. What most people do not realise is that the picture on the inside is often very different. Sometimes showing off simply brings a good result: people respond when someone behaves a certain way, so the behaviour continues. Often, though, there are deeper reasons.

They feel unseen

Many people who show off believe they have not been given the attention they deserve. The display is a way of sending one clear message: notice me.

They depend on other people’s opinions

For some people, what others think matters little and does not change how happy they feel. For those who show off, it is the reverse. Other people’s opinion is the most important thing of all, and if they fail to win approval, they can feel truly miserable.

They feel underestimated

Some believe that the people around them are selling them short. So they put their best qualities on display, working hard to prove that they are worth something.

Understanding this does not make showing off pleasant. It may make it easier to meet with patience instead of irritation.