Tag: Young Adults

Privacy and secrecy can look alike, but they are not the same thing.

What privacy is

Privacy is simply the state of being unobserved; changing your clothes is a simple example. Private matters are the traits, truths, beliefs and ideas about ourselves that we choose to keep to ourselves. They might include our daydreams, our feelings about how the world works, or our spiritual beliefs. When private matters are revealed, by accident or by choice, the other person learns a little more about the one who shared them.

What secrecy is

Secrecy is the act of keeping things hidden. What is secret goes beyond private into concealed. Secrecy overlaps with privacy, but not all privacy is secrecy. Secrecy comes from deliberately hiding something out of fear. Secrets are made of information that could do harm to someone else, emotionally, physically or financially. The person keeping the secret believes that if it came out, whether by accident or on purpose, it could hurt them and the people around them. A secret often carries an element of shame that a private matter does not.

Why the difference matters

People keep things private for many different reasons. A secret, though, is usually kept because of fear and shame about what others would think if they knew. We keep it hidden because we believe the cost of telling is too high. Privacy is a free choice; secrecy is not. A private matter might be, “I did badly in my school exams.” A secret is more like, “I faked my qualifications.”

Guarding your privacy is healthy. Carrying a secret is a burden worth looking at honestly.

Everyone is different, and everyone thinks and behaves differently. Even so, people can be loosely grouped by the way they think.

The word “mind” covers everything that goes on in our heads: thought, awareness, perception, beliefs, desires and sensations. It is where conscious, unconscious and practical processes take place, and it shows itself in our ideas, our actions and all the other signs of brain activity. These processes have structure, but that does not make them fixed. Almost everything in the brain can change. Based on how these processes tend to run, some thinkers describe three kinds of mind: rigid, fluid and flexible. Each has its own traits.

Rigid minds

Upbringing and education shape the mind more than anything else, so it is common for rigid thinkers to have been raised by rigid parents. Rigidity is at heart a form of self-protection. Fixed ideas give a sense of control and shield a person from uncertainty. People with this trait do well in work and activities that call for discipline. On the other hand, rigid thinkers can be a little shallow. They seldom stop to question whether an idea or an action really holds up. They expect everything to happen in an orderly, set way. That makes creativity very hard for them, and they tend to repeat themselves.

Fluid minds

Fluid minds are the opposite. They struggle to stay consistent, so they simply adapt to whatever is going on around them, taking the shape of whatever container they are in. This is typical of people who have given up any sense of control over their circumstances, or who feel they need someone to steer them. They find it hard to make decisions and harder still to take a stand. Not knowing what to think, they hand the job to others who seem to have the certainty they lack.

Flexible minds

Flexible minds adapt too, but not by passively accepting whatever happens. Their adapting is thoughtful and creative. They know how to find their place in reality without forcing their will on others, and without meekly giving in to others either. They are open to discussion, which means they can change their opinions and adjust their ideas. In a way, it is a humble mind. It does not believe it owns the truth, yet it does not give way to nonsense or error, because it has its own standards.

Worth remembering

Nobody has purely one kind of mind. We all carry a little of each, though one usually dominates. Nor is any of them simply a “bad” mind or a “good” one. Knowing the basics simply helps you understand yourself and others a little better.

You have some free time and want to put it to good use, instead of lounging about or scrolling on your phone. Now and then our busy lives ease up and hand us a few extra hours. There are plenty of ways to make the most of them.

Read the book you kept postponing

Pick up the book you always meant to read but never found the time for.

Tidy your living space

Sort out your room or your home and clear away the clutter.

Make or learn something

Write, paint, build something with your hands, or start learning a new skill or language.

Explore your own town

Visit an interesting corner of your town and learn about its culture and history.

Lend a hand

Join an event that is already happening, as a volunteer or a helper.

Help a charity

Visit a charitable organisation and offer some of your time to its work.

Share what you know

Gather the children in your neighbourhood and teach them a skill you are good at.

Every one of us has some good qualities and some weaker ones. It matters to know your best qualities clearly, because that knowledge serves you throughout life. Knowing and counting your strengths helps you improve them and put them to good use. Here is why it is worth doing.

It shows you where to grow

When you take stock of your best qualities, you learn your strong points and you also notice the areas where you fall short. That lets you work at turning the weak into strong, or at least making them better.

It builds self-confidence

When you know what you are good at, confidence follows naturally. Holding on to that confidence matters, because it helps you move forward and face whatever life brings.

It helps you know yourself

Know your best qualities well and keep a tally of them. Your best qualities are your strengths, and until you know what they are, you cannot use them. Knowing your strengths helps you make up for your weaknesses and keep moving ahead.

It lifts you on bad days

When things do not go your way, perhaps at work or in your studies, you may start to feel you have fewer good qualities than you thought. Reminding yourself of your strengths at such moments helps you feel better about yourself and carry on.

Something almost magical happens when you let other people talk about themselves, their lives and what matters to them. They respect you. They see you as sincere. They open up. After all, everyone wants to be heard.

Your turn will come

Before long, the conversation turns. They want to know you better. They want to understand what moves you. They want to connect with your story. And just like that, a friendship begins to grow.

What it does for you

In the quiet loneliness that touches every life, shining the light on someone else, letting that person be seen, heard and treated as special, becomes a joy in itself. It feels deeply satisfying. It certainly feels purposeful, and finding purpose matters. Imagine who you become when you give meaning to people in those moments. It brings a calm, quiet confidence that nothing else can give.

It is worth remembering too that anyone who stands in the spotlight for long can easily lose their way. Stepping aside to let others shine keeps us grounded.

Work can feel ordinary and boring if that is how you treat it. Yet if you take a positive approach and make a point of taking an interest in what you do, the same work can easily become a happy experience. Here is how.

Do what you enjoy

Hardly anyone would argue with this. If your work is something you love and genuinely care about, half your worries are already settled. So the first step is to look for, or move towards, work that truly interests you.

Go easy on yourself

Remind yourself that you, like every other human being, are allowed to make mistakes. When things go wrong, do not let it upset or discourage you, because sooner or later you will learn to do them well. Until then, take it easy and give yourself some breathing room.

Keep some warmth in your working relationships

Yes, you need to be professional about your work and with the people you work alongside, but not every moment of the day. Colleagues can become good friends. Meet them and chat during breaks. It will lift your spirits, and you will have more than one reason to look forward to going in, which will keep you happy for a long time.

A cheerful attitude and a sincere interest in your work can turn an ordinary day into a good one.

Do not let loneliness defeat you. Defeat the loneliness instead, and step out of the grip of sorrow and disappointment.

Loneliness is a pain that weighs heavily on the mind. If you sense it creeping in, these steps can help you deal with it.

Give your time to others

Volunteering brings you into contact with new people, and it also offers the chance to feel for others. Look for a local children’s home, a club, a charity or any group that helps people without seeking reward or payment. The unselfish work you do will broaden your outlook and lift you out of loneliness quickly. It will also make you feel good about yourself.

Try new hobbies

Perhaps you already keep a few pastimes that keep you company when you feel alone. Deep loneliness, though, can make even favourite pastimes feel dull. So explore something new, something you have never tried. Play a sport you have never played, or set off on a short hike. Let yourself loose and discover the wide world around you. You will not feel lonely for long.

Join a club

If you have felt isolated lately because there is little to do or you have few friends, perhaps after moving to a new town, joining a club is one of the best remedies. Choose one built around activities you enjoy, and you will meet plenty of like-minded people. You will connect with some of them at once and make a few good friends. That alone will help you feel lively again.

Learn to enjoy your own company

Last but not least, one of the best answers to loneliness is to start loving time on your own. Enjoying solitude is an art in itself. Once you learn to like being alone, you may find that solitude is actually good for you. There is so much you can do on your own. You answer to nobody for what you choose. You do not have to weigh up other people’s opinions and moods when you make plans. Once you see these advantages, you will stop feeling bad about being alone.

Living more gently on the planet does not require a dramatic change, such as moving into a treehouse or gathering wild herbs for dinner. A few small adjustments to daily life can cut the amount of rubbish you produce by a surprising amount.

Get your bills online

Most companies now let you receive bills by email or through an online account. Choosing that option removes a great deal of unwanted post and paper, much of which you probably throw away without even opening.

Compost your scraps

If you enjoy gardening, keep a small bin on the kitchen counter where you can drop food scraps, including fruit and vegetable peel, eggshells and used coffee grounds. Composting turns leftover food and other natural waste into a dark, rich material that feeds the soil and helps plants grow.

Buy loose and in bulk

Shopping from bulk bins cuts down on wrappers, saves money and lets you sample unfamiliar foods a little at a time. Bulk stores usually have rows of bins with scoops, so you can take exactly as much as you want.

Carry your own bags and jars

A cloth bag is the simplest green habit of all. Avoid plastic bags altogether by keeping a reusable bag, many of which fold up small, in your handbag or vehicle. If you are going bulk shopping, take jars with lids for anything liquid.

We all forget things to some degree. Some of us lose track of our keys, some forget why we went to the shops, and some even forget people’s names. Unless the cause is simply a late night or exam stress, it is worth working out why your memory is slipping and tackling it sensibly. You do not need costly remedies to remember better. These everyday habits help.

Keep learning something new

Memory works a lot like a car: if you do not use it, it lets you down. To strengthen your memory and keep your mind focused, learn something new as often as you can. There is no secret formula for a long life, but people who live well into old age often share one habit: they keep using their minds. Learn a new dance, a new language or a new game, anything that appeals to you. It will help your memory, teach you new skills and bring new friends along the way. Being with other people matters a great deal for a healthy mind too.

Look after your fitness

Health experts widely agree that exercise such as swimming, running and other activities that raise your heart rate helps protect memory over the long term. To keep your memory strong and your mind clear as you grow older, exercise your body as well as your mind. Activities that get your heart pumping are a good choice, because they increase the flow of blood to the brain.

Practise quiet focus and better breathing

Quiet sitting practice is often oversold as a cure for everything, but it does bring real benefits. It helps you relax and concentrate, which is good both for your brain and for your general health. Most such practices involve slow, deep breaths, which also help memory and calm the nerves. Do it for a couple of minutes a day and you may find yourself sitting straighter, feeling more positive and more energetic. Best of all, it costs nothing.

Concentrating on one thing alone can look like the sensible way to become an expert. In practice, it can actually harm the way we learn.

The usual picture of an expert

How would you describe an expert? We tend to picture someone who focuses intensely on one area and pours most of their time into learning more and more about it. Endless practice, time and effort are usually seen as the path to real skill and knowledge in a single field. But is that really the whole story?

The cost of too narrow a focus

When we focus too long and too hard on one area, we stop ourselves from opening up to different ideas, viewpoints and related subjects. In a focused learning mode, the brain pours all its energy and attention into one subject. We end up with a fixed framework and mindset for tackling problems, which narrows our thinking and our perspective. The kind of stimulation that helps us think in new and different ways gets blocked. So while practice does help, how you practise is the key to becoming truly skilled.

Look for connections

The secret of real expertise is to find links between your own field and other areas, and to apply ideas from one to the other. That way you can create new solutions while deepening your expertise.

Steve Jobs did not confine himself to computer science. He kept stretching beyond it, looking for fresh and original ideas that added value to what he already knew. He realised that a computer did not have to be merely a tool; it could also be stylish and beautifully designed, something people would be proud to use every day. Joining design and engineering in this way produced products that kept his company ahead of its rivals.

Depth and breadth together

Becoming an expert and focusing on your core skills is essential for basic success. But it is the ideas you keep bringing in from elsewhere that carry your learning forward.