Tag: Young Adults

There will be many times when you feel sad, angry or upset, and you are allowed to. Those feelings are natural and healthy. But when you reach the point where nothing excites you and your whole life feels hopeless, that is the moment to take charge and bring hope back. Here is what to do when you cannot find hope in anything.

Work on yourself

Take care of yourself. Sharpen the abilities you have, or pick up fresh ones. Let yourself feel good about who you are and what you are capable of. Invest time in useful daily habits that hold your interest and keep you going. A habit gives you a steady routine, and a routine trains you to persist and not give up. That steadiness is what moves you forward, whatever stands in the way.

Stop trying to control everything

Let things be. One reason we lose hope is that life is not going the way we wanted. Trying to control every situation will only wear you out completely.

Do not jump to conclusions

Most of the time, things are not as bad as they seem. We often judge a situation before it has even played out. Wait before you form an opinion about it, because we tend to overthink and worry for no reason, and our minds make things look worse than they are. In those hopeless moments, simply step back and reflect.

New possibilities are around us all the time, and fresh ones appear every moment. Make a habit of choosing one now and then and exploring it properly. It is quite possible that one small change will set the stage for a far bigger sense of fulfilment. Sometimes even a slight shift in thinking opens up exciting new options. These are some ways to open the door.

Know that everyone has fears

Nothing shapes our lives and choices more than fear. We fear failing, being rejected and facing change. Yet fear offers no growth and no experience. By keeping everything the same you only harm yourself, shutting yourself off from experiences that could enrich you.

Nobody is watching as closely as you think

Whenever we try something new or step out of our comfort zone, we imagine that everyone is staring. That can be intimidating and make us very self-conscious. With time you will overcome that fear and take up your new hobby or activity with confidence. As you practise, keep reminding yourself that you are not being watched nearly as much as you believe.

You cannot grow without trying

A plant will not grow if the seed never goes into the soil. In the same way, you have to plant something in your own life if you want your mind and your world to expand. Nothing is holding you back except you. Your finances, background, education, upbringing, social standing or job cannot stop you if you are truly unwilling to be stopped.

Do not limit yourself

Do you catch yourself thinking you cannot do something, or that some things are beyond you? Deciding ahead of time where your abilities end only shrinks your own opportunities. Open the door for yourself by placing no limits on what you can do, create, experience, feel or learn.

Build a positive habit

Rather than trying to catch every unkind thing you say about yourself, put your energy into creating the positive habit instead. Tell yourself that you can do it and that you can get the position. You can do your best, and you can succeed. Say the right things to yourself and the right results follow.

The power is in your hands

If you wait to reach a certain income before you even consider taking up a new hobby, you are holding yourself back. If you use the way you were raised as a reason to cling to certain beliefs and resist learning, you are holding yourself back. Change is your decision alone. Some changes are harder than others, but once you make a serious decision to change, or to open up your world in any way, you can change anything.

Show empathy

One powerful way to widen your possibilities is to reach out to other people. Show them kindness and compassion, even if it is only by quietly recognising their intentions and what they are going through. People fall into bad moods just as we all do, and they often do not realise the effect they have on others. Seeing this, and offering a little empathy to the people you meet, opens your mind in many ways and lets you see the world differently.

No matter how carefully you try to steer around them, hard experiences will come. Nobody escapes them. So it helps to have a few simple steps ready for the moments that feel darkest. Here are three.

Remind yourself that this will pass

Name what is happening, then tell yourself plainly that it will not last. Every feeling, even the most painful, is temporary. Situations do change, and they can improve, especially when you reach out for the right kind of help.

Do not take every thought as true

Almost anything can pop into the mind at any time. You do not have to believe all of it. It is possible to take a small step back and see your thoughts for what they really are: passing thoughts that arrive and then leave.

Turn your attention to what is good

Point your attention at things that are likely to lift you and remind you why life is worth living. There is plenty close at hand that you can feel, touch, hear or smell. Notice those things and stay with what is happening in the present moment.

Remember the order: this will pass, a thought is only a thought, and there is still good around you worth noticing.

Feeling stuck in a rut? You can become more adventurous simply by moving towards things that are new and a little challenging. Adventure is waiting just outside your door. All it asks is that you be more open to trying something different and living with a sense of purpose. These ideas will help you begin.

Believe adventure is everywhere

If you believe adventures can be found anywhere, you will find them. That belief trains your mind to look for new and interesting experiences and makes you notice the exciting things already happening around you, so you can make the most of them. If you do not believe it, your mind stops searching, you stop seeing them, and the adventures in your life dwindle.

Let go of what holds you back

Inhibitions are the feelings that make you self-conscious and stop you from acting in a relaxed and natural way. You may be shy, inexperienced or afraid. To let go of what is holding you back, you need to feel safe with yourself, with your surroundings and with the people around you.

Say yes

We have all turned down something and later wished we had joined in. So skip the regret and say yes. If fear or inertia is holding you back, set them aside. Becoming more adventurous means being willing to give new opportunities a chance.

Try new things

New foods, new looks, new places and even new people bring the kind of excitement that makes life more enjoyable. If you are tense or hesitant about change, loosen up and let yourself go a little. Try wearing something completely out of character, as long as it still suits you.

Face your fear

If you have not been adventurous so far, fear has probably been holding you back. Naming your fears might be easy, or it might take some honest reflection. Feelings, thoughts, wishes and daydreams cannot be seen, yet they are very real. Face them and you will find a new version of yourself emerging.

Value experiences over possessions

Ask most people what adventure means and they picture white water rafting, travel or mountain climbing. Notice what these have in common: they are all things you do. Adventure is about doing, not owning. You are unlikely to buy anything that brings you many adventures.

Spend time with adventurous people

Some people seem born ready to try new things. Let their enthusiasm rub off on you. It will help you become more carefree, and it is reassuring to have someone around to help and encourage you along the way. Joining a club or a group built around a shared interest is a good way to meet new people and find new experiences.

Host friends, but not too often

Having friends over gives you time to relax and enjoy their company. It also gives you a reason to keep the house tidy, since people will be visiting more often. While you are tidying, it is a good moment to sort out that cupboard where everything gets stuffed. Keep the gatherings to a pace that still feels comfortable for you.

Get outside

Adventure does not have to mean climbing mountains or skydiving. It can be as simple as a walk in the fresh air. Time outdoors lowers stress and lifts the mood, which in turn frees the mind to focus. There is no shame in starting close to home. Go with a fresh frame of mind and you will discover something new.

Most of us want people at work to notice us, our work and our skills. We feel a need to stand out with an image that is our own, and it feels good when colleagues both notice us and like us. These tips can help you build that image.

Be sociable and get involved

Before people can notice you, you need some kind of bond with them. Greet everyone, talk with them, or simply ask how their work is going. Small, regular contact is how people come to know who you are.

Pay your colleagues compliments

A sincere compliment can make someone’s day. Once you are on friendly terms with people, a kind word about their work or their efforts will lift them and make them like you more. Keep it measured, though. Overdo it and it may come across as flirting, which is not the impression you want to leave.

Bring people together

Try to be the colleague who makes work more enjoyable. Suggest a group lunch, or invite a few colleagues home for a small gathering. Shared time outside the daily routine turns coworkers into a team.

Dress with style and care

You do not have to wear the same dull work clothes every day. Choose professional outfits that are smart and stylish and make you look polished and elegant. The way you present yourself shapes how people see your personality, and it helps you stand out in a way that is distinctly yours.

Imagine a world where everyone thought exactly as you do and fell in line with every wish and feeling you had. Life does not work that way, which is why it pays to become skilled at negotiation. The good news is that it can be learned. Done well, it lets you help others get what they want while you still reach your own goals.

In most negotiations neither side starts with an advantage. Keep these points in mind and you will be well on your way to a good result.

Listen properly

It sounds simple, which is why it is surprising how many people get it wrong. Hearing the words is not enough. Good negotiators put themselves in the other person’s position and work out what that person really wants, so the two of them can meet in the middle. Listening closes the gap and makes the other side feel respected.

Say you are asking your boss for a raise. Ask specifically what you could do differently to make their working life easier. If you then show you can deliver, you will be in a far stronger position to ask for more pay.

Make sure both sides leave happy

What is the point of a negotiation that benefits only one party? Both sides are at the table because both want to win. Reach an outcome where everyone gains and you will do better in future too, because people will be readier to deal with someone they know is fair.

Picture a child who wants chocolate after school before finishing homework. You want the homework done, and the child wants chocolate. Agree that the chocolate comes once the homework is finished, and both of you win. The child still gets the treat, and you get the homework done without raising your voice.

Look for common ground

Focus on what you and the other person share, not on where you differ. Negotiation can involve disagreement without being stressful. Suppose you want a lower price for an old board game at a garage sale. A good approach is to chat with the seller and ask which game is their favourite. Once you have built a connection over a shared love of board games, a discount becomes much more likely.

Part as friends

Sometimes no agreement is possible. When that happens, agree to part on good terms. Whatever the circumstances, never burn your bridges.

When something unexpected happens, there are two ways to respond. You can blame the circumstances, or you can think and act proactively. The proactive route means leaning on your own choices instead of hoping luck will rescue you.

Being proactive means thinking ahead and acting before events overtake you. It starts with taking action, owning your responsibilities and staying in charge of how you respond. Here are some ways to build the habit.

Keep your eyes on the solution

A problem becomes almost impossible to solve if it easily knocks you down and leaves you dwelling on every bad thing it might lead to. Stop blaming yourself and stop blaming others. Look instead for the ways it can be fixed. Fretting over what you cannot control only drags you further down. Deal with what you can, and deal with it well.

Remember it is all on you

Nobody else will carry you to where you want to be. Family and friends are there to support you, and that is their role. They cannot succeed on your behalf. That part is yours alone. Own your problems, and accept that nobody else will fix them for you.

Get ahead of the small, less urgent jobs

Handle routine day to day tasks as they come instead of putting them off. You will carry less stress, and those small jobs will not grow into big problems. A little effort early can spare you a much larger crisis later. Give special attention to preventive upkeep, such as checking your car’s oil and coolant, restocking the kitchen or putting a little money into savings every week.

Set goals you can actually reach

There is nothing wrong with dreaming, but a dream you take no steps towards is just a wish. Life is short, and dreaming without doing wastes it. Want something? Go after it. Break the dream into smaller goals that lead to it, like the pieces of a puzzle, and keep each piece small and achievable. Realistic goals build confidence and keep you motivated.

Join in

Proactive people do not sit on the sidelines or simply listen to what others suggest. They take part. Offer your ideas in meetings at work, or come up with your own plans for what the family does together.

Living with intention can make life feel far more fulfilling and meaningful. It works best when you lay a proper foundation first: understand the world around you, weigh your options using what you know, then act on your decisions and keep walking the path you chose. These steps help you get there.

Notice that life is a series of choices

Each morning arrives full of decisions and openings. You get to choose your attitude and your actions. Whatever happened in your past does not have to set the pattern for your future. Every new day is a fresh chance.

Start the day with gratitude

It sounds ordinary, but it shapes the whole day. However hectic things look, there is always something to be thankful for, and beginning from that place changes how the hours that follow feel.

Look at the culture around you

Nobody lives in isolation. We are surrounded by a culture that is heading somewhere, and it pulls us along like a fast current. Living intentionally means stepping back to study that current: where it is going, how it is affecting you, and whether it is carrying you in a direction you actually want.

Picture your ideal day

Suppose you could design a perfect day, from the moment you wake to the moment you sleep. What would it hold? You are allowed to dream big. Begin by asking what you want, not what other people want for you.

Build small daily habits

To turn that ideal day into a real one, add small actions that reflect your values. It might be ten minutes of meditation first thing, or a few minutes writing down your goals. Steady, repeated action is what gets results.

Make room for learning

Be deliberate about improving your skills, because we are either growing or standing still. This is not about filling your head with trivia you do not care about. Commit to learning something new in your own profession or in a subject you love.

Choose to live your own life

Stop measuring yourself against others. You were not born to live their lives, and envying theirs wastes your own. Decide today to live yours well. You only get one go at it.

Know your priorities

As you shift towards living with intention, fear and self-doubt will show up. That is normal, and it suggests you are on the right track. Treat the resistance as a sign to keep going. Make sure your actions match your values and goals, and ask what you can do today to move closer to the day you designed.

Stay focused

We live surrounded by constant connection and distraction, all of it competing for our attention. Learn to switch it off and live instead. Turn off the television, skip the gossip pages, and clear out physical things that drain time and energy you could spend more wisely. Then put all your energy behind your aim.

Building the life you truly want often calls for a big change somewhere, whether in your career, your relationships or where you live. Change happens all the time anyway, and if we allow it, it can become the very thing that makes life better.

Think back to a moment when your instinct told you to try something new, yet you held back. Perhaps the outcome was uncertain or risky, or it meant stepping beyond what felt familiar. Perhaps you worried that your gut was mistaken and began doubting yourself. Try not to fear failure so much that you never attempt anything new. The saddest way to sum up a life is in three phrases: could have, might have and should have.

If you are ready to make an unusual leap of your own but feel frightened, the ideas below may help you find the courage to go ahead joyfully. Above all, you need conviction and faith in what you think and do.

Trust your inner voice

The quiet voice inside you has important things to tell you. Think of it as a wiser version of yourself saying, “I think you should go for it.” We live among people who tend to seek advice from others and overlook what they themselves are feeling. When your gut has something to say, trust it and act on it. More often than not, it proves right.

Stop fearing that it will all go wrong

Your mind loves to invent worst cases. You will leap and regret it. You will hate the new job, the new town or the new relationship. You will look back and wish you had stayed put. But if something you try does not work out, you can change it, try something else and keep moving. You are entitled to try as many things as you like and to explore the possibilities. Whenever something stops feeling right and you would prefer a different path, you have both the right and the freedom to choose again.

Look forward to what you can achieve

The unknown can feel scary, so try swapping that fear for excitement and longing for the goal you are chasing. Spend ten minutes each day picturing it. What does it look like? How does it feel? Who is there with you? The longer you can stay in that lively, hopeful state, the more naturally your passion will grow.

A leap of faith does not promise an easy ride. Obstacles will come and will need to be overcome. Yet we all know, from things like learning to drive, that the first step is the hardest, and that practice, experience and effort make it easier over time.

Convince yourself first

If you do not believe in your own thoughts and actions, persuading anyone else will be hard. A leap of faith starts with the certainty that you no longer want to continue down the road your life has been taking. It rests on a basic belief in yourself and a deep trust in your picture of who you want to be, what you want to do and where you want to go. Most of all, it is the belief that good things will follow when you decide to change your life.

Once upon a time, the most peace-loving people on Earth went to a mighty wizard and begged him to put an end to every war and every act of bloodshed on the planet.

“That is easy,” he said. “I will wipe out every weapon in the world, and then no one will be able to fight.” The people were delighted. With one sweep of his magic wand, it was done.

For three days the planet was peaceful. Those who liked to fight searched everywhere for weapons and found none. Once they realised the weapons were gone for good, they sharpened young trees into spears and the fighting began again.

When the wizard heard, he told the people not to worry. He would remove all the young trees so nobody could make spears. After a few days of fruitless searching, the fighters turned to the great trees instead, cut them down, fashioned clubs from them, and the violence returned. So the wizard got rid of all the big trees. Then people forged knives and swords from metal, so he got rid of every metal on the planet. Then they made slings and hurled stones at each other, so the stones had to go as well.

Now the peacekeepers grew anxious. The trees were gone, and so were the metals and the stones. How would anyone live? What would they eat? Soon nothing would grow, and people would perish without a single battle. This was clearly the wrong answer.

The wizard was at a loss. “I do not know what else to do,” he admitted. “The only remaining step would be to destroy humanity itself, and even that is beyond my power.” The peacekeepers sank into despair.

Then a bright child stepped forward. “I know what you should do,” the child said. “Let every person feel what their actions do to others. Whoever hurts someone should feel that same pain, and whoever brings someone happiness should feel that same happiness. Then nobody will hurt anyone, because they will feel the pain at once and will have to stop.”

Everyone was moved by the child’s wisdom, and the wizard did exactly as suggested. He brought back the trees, the stones and the metals. From that day on, no one tried to harm a neighbour, because they would share the hurt. Instead, people began helping each other, because they enjoyed the joy it brought them, and they lived together in harmony.

The lesson

No wizard will ever arrange this for us. But the child was pointing at something already true in a quieter way: the pain we cause others tends to find its way back to us, and the happiness we give comes back too. Living as if we could feel both is the surest path to peace.