Tag: Young Adults

Most of us know that relaxed people find it easier to be creative than people who are wound up. Can you wave stress away for good? Probably not. But being stressed is the last thing anyone wants, given all the harm it does, so the next time you feel the pressure building, try one of these enjoyable ways to beat it, or at least bring it down.

Head outdoors

When tension rises, take a stroll through a park or along a beach, or cycle through some woods. Even just gazing at a lovely picture of nature can work. Your spirits will start to rise, and you may find a calm you did not have before.

Laugh, even on purpose

Laughter eases stress in the moment and over time too, because it lowers stress hormones and brightens the way you see things. Even looking forward to a laugh helps you unwind. Watch a funny clip or go to a comedy show. You can even make yourself laugh deliberately. It feels odd to begin with, but before long the laughter turns real.

Spend time with an animal

Pets are good for us in many ways. Stroking an animal for only a few minutes can lower stress, and the unconditional affection pets offer is a tonic in itself. Take a dog for a walk if you can, since dogs have been bred to respond to human feelings and walking itself helps you relax. No animal nearby? Even a video of a sweet animal can help.

Share some jokes

Get together with friends who make you laugh. Laughter loosens tight nerves and lets the moment pass. You will still have to deal with the problem eventually, but some humour can relieve the pressure now so that you handle it more sensibly later.

Let your inner child out

Children seem less stressed than adults. Partly that is because they carry fewer responsibilities, but it is also because they play. Giving yourself playtime as a grown-up is easy. Play tag, fly a kite, build with toy bricks or try finger painting. Keep a box of fun toys from your childhood and see how much tension it melts away.

Disappear into a book

One of the kindest things you can do for yourself under stress is to slip into a world where your worries do not exist. A good book, perhaps a fantasy novel, can carry you off to somewhere else entirely.

Play a favourite song

Listening to music releases dopamine in the brain. Choose a song from a calmer time in your life and let it lift you.

Look through old photographs

Few things are as comforting as revisiting happy memories. Childhood is often the sweetest season of our lives, so browse pictures from your early years or from the moments that shaped who you are. You will probably laugh a little, and a few happy tears may follow.

Life keeps tossing new demands our way, and holding on to our drive through all of it is not easy. It does become easier, though, once you can recognise the mistakes that people most often make. Here are three of them.

Waiting to feel like it

It is rarely wise to lean on motivation alone to get things done, because it comes and goes without warning. If you only act when the mood strikes, you can spend years waiting for a spark that never arrives. Starting anyway, even without the feeling, is usually what brings the feeling along.

Planning instead of doing

You may have come across the phrase “analysis paralysis”. It describes what happens when someone gets so caught up in planning a goal that they never start working on it. The sad truth is that endless analysis smothers motivation and keeps people from ever reaching the goals they spent so long preparing for.

Aiming at the impossible

One of the most important parts of keeping yourself motivated is setting goals you can realistically reach, and many people skip this step. A goal that is clear and simply stated shows you a more direct route to success, and it helps your motivation last over the long haul rather than burning out early.

Some people are fortunate enough to have a friend who speaks up for them when they are not there to speak for themselves. Such a friend often understands you better than you understand yourself. If you have one, here are some of the things worth thanking them for.

Their loyalty

Thank them for making it plain to everyone that your friendship is genuine and not a performance for social media. Thank them for never letting strangers, or people who hardly know you, come between the two of you, or even get the chance to try.

Being your voice

Thank them for saying the things you would have said, and for saying them better than you would have. Thank them for speaking out when keeping quiet would have been easier. Thank them for not letting the fact that you were absent change the way they think of you.

Their care

Thank them for being gentle with you when others are harsh. Thank them for promising that they will stand by you no matter who tries to pull you down. Thank them for showing the world that they will never betray you behind your back, and that they will not let anyone treat you with disrespect. Thank them, too, for seeing the good in you on the days when you cannot see it yourself.

Simply being there

Finally, thank them for choosing to remain in your life, and for never being casual or indifferent when it comes to you or to the friendship you share. A friend like that is worth holding on to, and worth becoming in return.

Social capital is the web of relationships that links people, groups and organisations. The term turns up in several fields, including economics, sociology and anthropology, and each uses it a little differently. At heart, though, the idea is always the same: people form ties with one another, and those ties can then be put to many different uses. Looking closely at those ties is one way of understanding how a society actually works.

The many shapes it takes

Social capital comes in many forms. Neighbours living on the same street, people employed by the same company and circles of friends all have their own networks of relationships. Beyond the personal and emotional satisfaction these bonds bring, they also offer practical benefits. People inside a network tend to lean on each other when they need a service, and someone who has no direct link to a particular service can often reach one through the people they know.

How we use it every day

Most of us draw on social capital daily without giving it a name. If your tooth aches and you ask a friend to suggest a good dentist, you are using it. If you are hunting for a job and ask an acquaintance to recommend you, you are using your network of connections to reach a goal.

The economic side

Economists also use the term for the links between people and organisations that carry economic value. A network of people who trust and help one another is a strong asset. When individuals and businesses are connected in this way, each one comes to mind when the other has a job to be done. Alongside money and other economic capital, social capital is an important engine of economic growth.

Ask people why they put tasks off and the answers are usually familiar. They feel lazy, the work bores them, or something more entertaining is calling. Those reasons are real enough. But there is another explanation that rarely gets a hearing: your delay may be your intuition at work, steering you away from something it senses as a threat.

Fear of failing after trying

Picture yourself putting your whole heart into a project and still falling short. For many of us that picture is painful enough to make us anxious, so we avoid the effort altogether and delay instead. The delay then becomes a handy excuse. If the project goes badly, we can tell ourselves it was never a fair measure of what we can do. Had there only been more time, the result would have been different.

Fear of being judged

Procrastination can also act as a warning light worth paying attention to. Part of you may suspect that if you try something bold, something beyond what is expected of you, people will start picking at you or at your work. That dread of criticism and rejection is closely tied to anxiety, and your intuition responds by encouraging you to hold back and wait.

Fear of doing well

Strange as it sounds, some people are afraid of succeeding. Success brings raised expectations and heavier responsibilities, and putting things off keeps those at a safe distance. In this way the person who fears success is not so different from the person who fears failure. Both avoid challenges and keep postponing, and both are spared the uncomfortable moment of discovering where their real limits lie.

The next time a task keeps slipping, it may help to ask which of these fears is quietly doing the steering. Naming it is often the first step to moving again.

We learn a great many things over a lifetime. Would it surprise you to know that most of your beliefs about yourself, about what is expected of you in life and in your career, are in place by the time you are twelve?

Of course, things happen along the way that add to those beliefs or even change them. But our core beliefs are set deep in us before we have even become young adults.

How they take root

Beliefs take shape from what other people say and do around us. When a child overhears adults talking about politics, for instance, the child begins to form views about certain politicians and about politics in general. Those views are not the child’s own truth. They are opinions built from what others said.

The voice that says you are not enough

The same goes for the negative refrain many of us play in our heads, the one that says we are not worthy or not good enough. We came to believe it because of what other people said and did. Perhaps an adult in our early years was too wrapped up in their own struggles to be there for us emotionally, and left us feeling unimportant.

We see what we believe

If you truly believe those words, you will pick out evidence for them everywhere you look, and so the belief grows stronger. We tend to see whatever we already believe. If we believe something negative, we notice the negative. Even when things are going perfectly, you expect something to go wrong, because somewhere inside you feel that is what you deserve. You end up unable to enjoy the rewards of your own hard work, simply because deep down you do not believe you have earned them.

Every decision you make is shaped by what your subconscious mind believes about you and your abilities. Recognising where those beliefs came from is the first step towards choosing better ones.

Do you apologise too often? In principle, saying sorry is one of the social glues that holds relationships together. Over-apologising, however, works against you. An apology should carry weight, which means it cannot be a constant, compulsive habit. Saying sorry all the time signals a lack of confidence. If this sounds like you, consider the next point carefully.

How it looks to others

Think about how other people see you each time you apologise for something trivial. Many situations need no apology at all, and the moments that genuinely call for asking forgiveness are fairly few. Saying sorry does not automatically prove that you are humble, polite or respectful.

Things you never need to apologise for

Do not apologise for asking a question, for walking past someone, for taking a seat, for dropping a pencil, for asking for help, or simply for existing. Letting go of these needless apologies will lift your self-esteem and your confidence.

Keep sorry meaningful

If you spend the whole day asking forgiveness for small things, forgiveness loses its meaning and its value. Save your apologies for when they matter, and they will mean far more when you offer them.

A good friendship is worth the effort. Perhaps you have realised there is nobody else in the world quite like your old friend. You long to break the silence, call a truce and have your friendship back, but you do not know where to begin. If that is you, here are a few ways to go about making up and recovering what you lost.

Let go of grudges

Going back over the past to work through a problem is one thing. Clinging to the past so that you never have to trust again is quite another. Try not to keep reopening old wounds every time you remember how angry you were when things fell apart. Remember that you are both human, and that people make mistakes that are not only forgivable but also avoidable next time.

Take criticism and use it to grow

The person closest to you often sees the worst in you and loves you anyway. That does not mean you should not hear about it when you do something wrong. Be open to advice and let the friendship help you become better. The finest thing in life is a friend who helps you be the best you can be. That is what friendship is really about.

Look at the situation again

Sometimes people simply outgrow each other. A friendship can seem deep when it was really a season of shared interests. One person may have grown more attached than the other, and there may have been a misunderstanding about how close the two of you really were. Seeing that clearly helps you decide whether to rebuild, and on what footing.

Unemployment is one of the biggest fears of students about to graduate. It helps to know that life does not stop there, and plenty can be done while you are between jobs.

Most people see being out of work as a place they do not want to be: something shameful, a constant struggle, a situation others frown on. Yet some people treat it as a choice, an opportunity to build something of their own, and a fresh way of looking at life. Here are a few ways to make the most of a period without work.

Be creative

There is no telling whether one of your hobbies could lead to a career, or at least to recognition. It might be painting, writing or dancing. Just do it, and do it often. You may well improve, and you will be happier and more fulfilled. At this stage it is not about chasing a pay cheque. It is about keeping yourself positive while you find what you are looking for. Creativity can be found in your own surroundings too, so take time out and stay open to it.

Network

Many people only bother with this when it is convenient, yet it matters a lot. What many people call socialising is what successful people call networking. Whether it is a hobby meet-up, a meal with friends of friends or a family get-together, opportunities to connect are everywhere. Do not shut yourself away hoping opportunity will knock. Go out and do the knocking yourself.

Plan

Plan your day, your year and the next five years. How detailed the plan is, or how far ahead it looks, matters less than having one. Even a rough two-week plan will clear your head and give your days more order, helping you picture the future and think the way you will need to tomorrow. It is also wise to plan for failure, or at least to leave room for the unexpected.

Travel

Seeing how people eat, work and live in other places broadens your outlook and teaches you things no classroom can. You may not have chosen where you are now, so how will you know where you truly want to spend your life if you never see what else is out there? After you settle into a full-time job, above all one where you work for others, you may find it very hard to see the world until you retire. If you are between jobs, now is the time to go. Let the freedom from work responsibilities be your reason to pack up and set off. Travelling also prepares you to face challenges and teaches lessons no institution can.

Study further

Education matters greatly today. If you are out of work, think about taking another degree, finishing a course or even learning a new language. These fill your time well, and they also make you more employable.

Nearly everyone knows the feeling. After something painful, a break-up for instance, you keep reliving what happened and cannot clear certain destructive thoughts from your mind. Here are a few ways to get past bad experiences.

Learn something new, or play a sport

When your brain switches over to learning something new, the unwelcome thoughts in your head slowly fade away. Each time we absorb a new process into our ideas and experiences, we focus on it so fully that there is far less room for brooding. The same thing happens when we exert ourselves physically.

Say less, and pause

When you are talking with someone who stirs your emotions, leave pauses. You need time to cool down and think about what you have said. That way you say fewer things you later regret, and in time your anger and irritation run out of fuel.

Stop hunting for someone to blame

Endlessly picking over the past to find who was at fault, including ways of blaming yourself, rarely leads anywhere good. Usually a whole chain of factors produced the situation you are in now, each one leading to the next like dominoes. Make peace with it. The event is over; the task now is to look for a solution.

Remember that thoughts are not facts

What is real and what your mind tells you are two different things. Our emotions also act on the body, showing up as stress, worry, tension and fear that we feel from head to toe.

Deal with the biggest problem first

Whatever the event, the hardest thing most people then wrestle with is anger. Try to calm it through quiet reflection, long walks or exercise, or indeed any activity that settles you down.