Tag: Adults

Many people, as they grow older, carry deep regrets about the way they lived. They feel they could have enjoyed their lives far more. Here are three of the most common regrets, and what you can do now so they do not become yours.

Living to please others instead of yourself

Many look back wishing they had followed their own path rather than the one others mapped out for them. So give a few of your own dreams real room as you go. Do not put it all off for later. The moment your health is gone, it is too late. Good health gives a freedom that very few people notice until it has slipped away.

Spending too much of life at work

Another common wish is to have worked less. If you live more simply and choose deliberately, you may discover that you need less money than you assumed. Clearing room in your days tends to make you more cheerful, and it opens the door to fresh chances that fit the lighter life you are building.

Keeping feelings locked away

Plenty of people swallow what they feel just to avoid friction. How others respond is never in our hands. Those close to you may push back at first when you begin to speak plainly, but over time that honesty usually carries the bond somewhere deeper and far healthier than before.

None of these regrets is fixed in advance. Each one is shaped by small choices made today: a dream given a little room, a lighter load at work, and an honest word spoken while there is still time to say it.

Delegation is a core skill for every leader and for anyone who wants to get ahead. If you feel stressed and swamped, or sense that your career or business has stalled, it is time to sharpen it.

People who run their own ventures are used to wearing every hat, from winning new clients to changing the printer ink. Trying to handle everything, though, harms both your own wellbeing and the work. With only one person in charge, you can only grow so far. Driven people find it hard to hand over the reins, but doing so is vital to avoid burning out. If you are unsure where and how to delegate, start here.

Paint the bigger picture

Strategy is about getting the whole team aligned and moving in one direction. For delegation, that means every person needs to see how the work given to them connects to the larger goals. Then even tasks that look menial clearly fit into the vision you have set.

Free yourself up

Handing off tasks frees you to chase wider horizons. You can lift your own work to a higher level and explore new possibilities. You might find ways to make things run more efficiently, discover new ways to reach people, or even come up with new products or services.

Build a backup for every role

For each task you pass on, there should be a second person who can do it. That way the work never depends on one individual. People fall ill, leave, get promoted or are needed elsewhere. Without a backup ready to step in, things grind to a halt. When every position has cover, the whole place runs more freely, adapts more easily and is far less likely to come to a sudden stop.

Be patient with the learning

Teaching and learning rarely go in a straight line, and they do not happen smoothly or overnight. The person you chose may not get it right the first time. They may try in good faith and still fall short. Do not use that as an excuse to grab the task back. Use it to learn where the process broke down and how to improve it.

Learn to let go

Many capable people must drop the belief that if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves. Take a deep breath and let go. Once you hand a task over, it is no longer in your hands. Step back and do not interfere with how it gets done or how it is going. Hard as it is, wait for the finished result before you judge how the delegation went. As you watch the work get done well without you, your confidence in the process will grow, and you can move on to delegating the next task, and the next.

A self aware leader admits they are not a superhero. You chose your team members because they bring skills you lack. Delegate wisely to help those people grow, and watch the work grow with them. A good delegator stays ready to step in when needed, but does everything possible to make sure that need seldom arises, leaving them free to move things forward while keeping a healthy life of their own.

There is already plenty to celebrate. The flowers are in bloom, the birds are singing, the sun is up. You are breathing, you are alive, you are aware. Celebrate that.

Happiness lives inside us, and we have to get in touch with it to know what being happy really means. No amount of money, possessions or worldly success can bring happiness the way that inner source can.

Where celebration comes from

All of life invites you into a close relationship with it: the trees, the grass, the animals and every person you meet. Celebrating life does not come from the reasoning mind. It springs from the wonder of life itself, from sensing a power that keeps creating something new where nothing was before. It honours the marvels of the earth and the sky, and the joy that rises in your heart when your own child is born. To keep celebrating, try these.

Nurture the people around you

Make sure the people who matter most to you always know they are valued, appreciated and needed. Not only when we carefully pick a birthday card full of good wishes and thanks, but every single day, by telling them how lucky we feel to have them.

Be present in the moment

Life keeps asking you to respond, to engage, to be in a relationship with it. It reaches out and calls you to show up. Fear shuts off your ability to hear that call, and guarding yourself stops you reaching out to others. Yet other people keep reaching out to you all the time, ready to help and guide you.

Treat yourself and others

A treat means different things to different people: an ice cream, a massage, a walk in nature, a new pair of shoes. A job well done feels celebrated when it is rewarded. Simply being alive and trying your best deserves celebrating, and so do special days like a birthday or a big event. You deserve to celebrate yourself. Treats are also nice just because. A gift for no reason makes us feel special, so why not pass that feeling on to someone else?

Surround yourself with happiness

Listening to or playing uplifting music is one of the easiest ways to lift the mood around you. Open your eyes to the small details and savour what you see. Find beauty on a path you had stopped noticing. Enjoy the little things happening around you, because happiness depends less on how much we have than on how much we enjoy it. You do not need some grand act to change the world. You can start one step at a time, transforming the smallest corners of your own life or someone else’s.

Say yes to life

What better way to celebrate life than to live it? Saying yes to invitations lets us move with the flow of life and discover more of what it has to offer. Say yes to the things you have always wanted to do and the places you have always wanted to go. A yes often brings opportunities, wonderful new people and inspiring experiences. When you are unsure whether you should, say yes. Either way you will learn something, and you will create more moments worth celebrating.

Praise is among the most powerful gifts one person can offer another. A compliment brings warm feelings both to the person who receives it and to the one who gives it. Everyone needs to know how to give praise and how to take it. A few pointers make all the difference.

Mean what you say

People can nearly always tell when a compliment is hollow. When you truly mean it, they are far more likely to believe you and to feel good about what you said.

Do not let it look like a set up

This can happen without your noticing, so watch for it, because people will judge you on it. Never praise someone and ask a favour in the same conversation. The praise starts to look like bait, and your good intent is lost.

Be respectful

Make sure your words cannot hurt, even when you mean them kindly. Praise built around someone’s race or their looks is risky ground. And if your compliment needs a “but” or a qualifier attached, it is probably better left unsaid.

Keep the spotlight on them

Do not turn someone else’s compliment into a story about you. Saying “You did such a good job last week, I could never have managed that, I am hopeless at it” makes you sound self absorbed, as if you praised them only to steer the talk back to yourself.

Praise people when they are not in the room

Criticising someone behind their back is common. Praising them behind their back is rare. The reverse would serve us better, because praise passed on through others is seen as more sincere and genuine than praise delivered face to face.

Praise what they can control

Point your compliment at things within the person’s control, such as their character, their efforts and what they have achieved. This helps them feel secure in the feedback, instead of worrying that they might lose the very thing others admire in them.

Having a child, getting married, switching careers: every big change in life tends to stir up deep fear. It helps to know that this kind of fear is a good sign. Anything really worth doing will come with some fear attached to it.

What fear is really asking

Fear is your way of checking whether you truly want the new life a change will bring. It also reminds you that letting go of the past, and grieving it, is a necessary part of stepping into something new.

Yes, fear throws us off balance and leaves us uncertain and insecure. But it is not there to put us off. Its job is to tell us we have reached the edge of our comfort zone, standing in the gap between the old life and the new one.

Every fear faced is ground gained

Each time we face a fear, we get past an inner barrier and move into new territory that enriches life, both inside us and around us. The more we respect fear, and even welcome it, the better we can hear what it has to teach. That wisdom tells us whether the time has come to move forward or not.

Feeling relaxed with fear may sound like a contradiction. Still, we can learn to come to terms with it and honour it: notice when it arrives, listen to what it knows, and treat it as a sign that change is on the way. It tells us the step we are weighing is a big one, so we can approach it with the care it deserves.

Have a conversation with it

Try talking with your fear. Go down into it to understand the change you are making. You could sit quietly and reflect, simply listen, or keep a journal. Writing down whatever surfaces, your worries, your sadness, your excitement and your hopes, is a wonderful way to learn about yourself, with fear as the vehicle.

Remember that fear nearly always turns up beside the things most worth doing in your life.

Hard times show us something we easily forget. Under the outward show each of us puts on, we are made of the same stuff. Every one of us hurts, cries and hopes, and every one of us has to lean on others for support and strength.

It teaches humility

Adversity reminds us that we are only human. We are not in charge of everything, and we cannot manage it all on our own.

It teaches perseverance

In a crisis, the choices shrink to two. You can give up, or you can keep going. There is not much else to decide, because life has been pared down to its most basic question of carrying on or not.

In the middle of such dark days we may have no idea where we are headed or what tomorrow holds. All we know is that if we get through today, we will reach tomorrow, and that is how it goes, one day after another.

It shows us who we really are

Whether we are the ones suffering, the ones helping or the ones looking on, adversity shows each of us that we are not as unbeatable as we believed. We are not always in control. Yet in ways we never expected, we turn out to be stronger than we ever knew.

Three gifts it leaves behind

• Strength is often found in weakness, and when we have lost everything we sometimes discover more than we ever had.
• Life itself becomes dearer. Our own life and the lives of others start to feel far more precious.
• Gratitude takes root. Whether we have much or little, we stop taking anything for granted.

The promise on the far side

Nobody can promise that hard times will pass us by. But if they come, we can trust this: we will climb out of the wreckage of a broken life carrying a strength that was hammered out in fire, and we will not be the same person again.

Worry has a useful side. When it nudges you to act and sort out a problem, it is doing its job. The trouble starts when you get stuck on what ifs and picture the worst outcome again and again. At that point the worry is no longer helping you solve anything. It has become a problem in its own right.

Four habits help you get on top of it.

Keep feelings out of big decisions

Do not make any serious decision while your worries have the upper hand. An argument driven by emotion can push you into choices you will be sorry for later. Train yourself to set the facts apart from the feelings, because it is usually the feelings that feed the fear and the worry.

Come back to the present moment

Worries do not come out of nowhere. They are pulled either from the past or from the future. The present can be stressful too, but it never looks as frightening as the future does. And unlike the past, it is not crowded with old mistakes and grudges. The moment you are standing in is usually the easiest place to think clearly.

Take charge of the choice

When worry runs high, you have a choice to make: let the fears and impulses rule you, or refuse them that power. Practise self control a little every day. Each small win builds confidence and strength, so the next time a worry hits, you can deal with it faster.

Look honestly at how you live

Many constant worries have ordinary roots. Short nights, overwork, ongoing stress, careless eating and draining relationships can all keep the mind on edge, and over time can harden into lasting anxiety. So eat well and get enough good quality sleep. Work smarter rather than longer. And step away from people who keep pulling you down.

Worry is not the enemy. Unexamined worry is. Name it, separate it from the facts, and give it less to feed on.

No one has all the answers, and no one can be right every time. Still, most of us know someone who acts as if they are the only person who knows best. They are usually the hardest people to deal with.

Studies of human behaviour suggest that the need to always be right can come from several places. It may be driven by self interest, or by a simple fear of being shown to be wrong. Either way, trying to win every point is often a pointless struggle. Here are three traits common in people who believe they are never wrong, and why the belief tends to backfire.

They keep interrupting

Research into emotional intelligence suggests that some people lack the awareness needed to rein in their urge to control a conversation, which leaves them prone to cutting others off. It makes them look like know it alls, and it is also seen as poor manners to break in and show off knowledge nobody asked for. It makes a person seem less approachable and less considerate.

If you believe you are always right, you are also likely to be a poor listener. You are so eager to make your point that you stop hearing others, hurry them through their explanations, or brush their words aside. All of this points to weak listening skills.

They will not empathise

Beyond interrupting, people who think they are always right tend to ignore other social courtesies, and often end up getting things wrong. They shut others out of the conversation and refuse to accept how others feel. People with strong emotional intelligence adjust their behaviour to those around them rather than insisting on getting their way. By that measure, a friend who is always opinionated shows little emotional intelligence, because they cannot see or respect your point of view.

They are always on the defensive

Someone who must always be right is frequently defensive, and dealing with them can put you on the defensive too. Having to keep justifying your views and choices against steady opposition is tiring. The temptation is to let it turn into a full argument, but the wiser course is to manage your own reactions and decline a fight that will settle nothing. In doing so, you set an example the other person may one day follow.

Turn the mirror around

When someone keeps insisting they are right and you are wrong, pause for a moment. There may be some truth in what they are saying. It is worth asking honestly whether you might be the one who needs to change.

Imagine you had to choose. On one side, a shorter working day and more hours to yourself. On the other, a longer working day with a better salary. Would you rather have more time with family and friends, or more financial security?

What the research found

A study found that people who valued time above money tended to be more satisfied with their lives, and that satisfaction translated into greater happiness. Spending free hours on things you enjoy delivers a far deeper sense of fulfilment over the long run.

The evidence also shows that spending on experiences makes people much happier than spending on possessions.

We live through our connections

Human beings are social by nature. We draw our energy from relationships: from a busy social life, from laughter with friends, from time with a partner and family, and from doing the things we love most.

The hours will run out

It is easy to forget that time is limited. A day will come when there is none left, and sadly none of us can know when that day will arrive. We quietly persuade ourselves that we will be here forever, and so we let slip chance after chance to spend those precious seconds well.

Time moves on. Life keeps happening. The point is to make sure you are actually living it. Guard your free hours as carefully as your earnings, and spend them on the people and pursuits that matter most to you.

This post is about happiness, not financial planning. For decisions about income, savings or work arrangements, speak with a qualified financial adviser.

After a bath in the river, an elephant was making its way along the road. As it came near a bridge, it saw a pig heading towards it from the other side, covered from snout to tail in mud. Without a word, the elephant moved to one side, let the grimy pig go by, and then carried on with its journey.

The pig’s boast

Later, the pig bragged to its friends. “Look how mighty I am,” it said. “Even the elephant was scared of me and stepped aside to let me through.”

When the other elephants heard this, they asked their friend why it had given way. Was it fear?

The elephant’s answer

The elephant smiled. “I could easily have crushed that pig under my foot,” it said. “But I was clean, and the pig was filthy. Had I stepped on it, my own foot would have been covered in dirt. I wanted to avoid that, so I simply moved aside.”

The lesson

People who have grown wise keep their distance from negativity. They do not do this because they are afraid. They do it because they want to stay clear of what would soil them, even though they are strong enough to overpower it.

You do not have to respond to every opinion, every remark or every situation that comes your way. Let the drama pass and keep moving forward. Pick your battles with care. Not everything is worth your time and attention, and walking past something is often the strongest choice you can make.