Tag: Parents

Fear plays a part in almost all of our decisions. That is not a weakness of character. It is biology, inherited from a long evolutionary past. For thousands of years, being driven by fear kept human beings alive. Today the same instinct often keeps us from the very things we want. These strategies can help you get past the fear and resistance that hold you back.

Begin today

The old saying that the present is the best time grows truer with every passing year. Any moment can be the starting point for the change you are hoping for. Knowing that you are finally on the path feels exhilarating, and that feeling carries you further forward. Begin now, with one small step towards your goal.

Make a workable plan

Break your goal into manageable steps. A dream that feels unrealistic is often just a dream you are trying to swallow in one bite. Even goals that look unrealistic can be reached in small steps. Set aside a quiet hour, sit down and write a step-by-step plan for your dream. If it still looks unworkable, break each step down further.

Stay flexible

Even when a project is entirely your own choice, it can sometimes feel as though you are being forced into it. That is when procrastination creeps in. It is your counterwill at work: the instinctive resistance we all feel to being told what to do, even when the one giving orders is ourselves. To get around it, leave room to manoeuvre in your plan. Someone who longs to write a book, say, can let themselves choose the time of day, the place, or the order of the chapters.

Be proactive and resourceful

Looking after your life and your dreams well means anticipating what you will need. Learn about the challenges you are likely to meet along the way, then build a structure that helps you overcome them. If money is a challenge, for example, do not push it aside. Deal with it early. That may take some creativity and persistence.

Let go of fixed notions

Stressing over your progress, or worrying about what others think, pulls your attention away from what you love. Life can only be lived one moment at a time. Live each moment fully and true to your heart, and you cannot truly fail, whatever the result, because the life itself is one you love.

Dreams are meant to be followed and pursued. Do not give up on yours before you have even tried, just because they seem impossible right now. Life without dreams is a grey thing. Search for yours, and make a promise to yourself to fulfil them.

Know what you want

Following your dreams is simply impossible if you do not know what they are. Perhaps you always wanted to start your own business but never had the courage. Perhaps you wanted to be an artist but could never leave your present job. The answer to how to follow a dream always begins with being certain of what you want.

Take a risk

Often we know exactly what we want to do, yet we still do not do it. If you really want to succeed, you must be willing to risk failure. Every great dream carries some risk, and the people who achieve their dreams are the ones willing to accept it. Life often gives another chance to those ready to take it up and make something worthwhile of it, whatever the outcome.

Keep your options open

When you do what you love, you enjoy the result as well. But if you are doing something only for the end result, you will hate the process. If your dream really is about a particular result, keep looking for other ways of getting there.

Stay consistent

To achieve your dreams you must keep going steadily, even through setbacks. Push yourself to complete your planned steps even on days when you do not feel like doing anything. That is how habits are built. Many people quit too early, frequently right before the turning point where success begins. Unless you are sure it is time to try another dream, stay steady with the one in front of you.

Balance career and family

Remember that you cannot do it all. It helps to divide life into three areas for setting goals: career, family and weekends, and to pursue your dreams in all three. You may be tempted to keep adding more areas, but one rule of thumb holds that each extra area cuts your chance of success by about a quarter. Never give up on your dreams, but decide what truly matters and act on it. Let the rest go.

Live this one life fully

Your dreams can carry you through even the worst days. When you are struggling, they are your reason to keep going, the reason you wake up and try again. They make life worth living. The life you have now is the one you get, so make the most of it. Make mistakes and learn from them. Then, instead of brooding over what might have been, go ahead and follow your dreams. They give you meaning and purpose, and they drive you towards the future you choose.

Nobody truly stops an old habit or path. We begin something new, and the old simply drops away by itself.

Think of a tree that dies. Nobody has to work at making it decay. It simply breaks down and merges back into everything around it, its materials taken up again by other plants. That process of death, decay and renewal is a natural part of the world. Where life no longer moves through something, decay follows.

Apply that idea to our own lives and it brings a useful insight. It can release a great deal of anxiety about the things we are still “trying to get away from”.

Focus on the new, not on escaping the old

If you put your attention on the new thing, rather than on how to escape the old one, you naturally begin to move in that direction, and the old “job” falls away by itself. If you start looking for chances to do something you enjoy more, the moment one appears it becomes a bridge from here to there. The move from one to the other becomes possible, and often quite easy.

Many of us hold on to what is past out of fear of what lies ahead. At root, we lack faith in life, and in ourselves too. The remedy is to face that lack of trust, and to notice that when we follow our heart and what truly inspires us, support tends to appear along the way. Three keys help you begin the new and release the old.

1. Slow down

We have filled our lives with distractions: advertisements, social media, chatting, endless messages. Life was simpler when most people lived close to the land, but that life is gone and we must adapt. We need a practice of slowing down, taking time to breathe and simply being calm, even when old worries keep returning. In a quiet mind we understand life a little better each day.

2. Look actively for chances to change

Calm insight is only half of it. We still live in the practical world, and we must use what we learn to stay ready and alert for the openings that bring our lives closer to what we want. In the end this is about staying aware and present through the day. Do not let that awareness slip away. Stay mindful.

3. Act when the moment comes

Opportunities come and go all the time. When one arrives, it usually asks for action, or it fades away. That is your moment to act. Commit to seeing it through, not merely starting but finishing, so that what you create is whole, carries your own gifts, and is offered to the people around you.

When life gets very busy, a humble list can be the key to meeting every deadline. The clipping that inspired this post was written with busy women in mind, juggling home and work, but the benefits apply to anyone with too much to do and too little time. Here are a few good reasons to become a list maker.

It gives you more time

Surprising as it sounds, a list can give you time. With a packed schedule there is very little free time left. Yet the minutes spent writing a list save many more later, because you stop wasting effort wondering what comes next. Over a day, those savings can add up to hours.

It fights forgetfulness

If you tend to forget things, lists are your best defence. You will not miss an important deadline or event. It takes a moment to check your list, and that moment makes sure nothing slips through.

It keeps you organised

Whether you work from home or in an office, to-do lists help you keep a separate list for each area of life: personal, studies and work. Having one for every area makes it easier to get all the tasks done while still keeping your personal life intact.

It helps you excel at work

If you want to make a good impression on your manager, start with to-do lists. Becoming known as someone who never drops a project at the last minute, and who always gets every task done, will certainly help you stand out at work. This may be the best reason of all to keep a list.

A list is a small thing. Kept faithfully, it becomes a quiet assistant that gives back time, memory, order and reputation.

Music is a powerful force that brings joy to anyone who hears it. Learning to play an instrument gives a strong feeling of accomplishment, and the experience is deeply rewarding, that improves other areas of life as well. If you never had the chance to learn, it is not too late. It needs a bit of effort, and plenty of patience and perseverance. Here are some benefits that may surprise you and deepen your appreciation for music.

It strengthens memory

This is one of the most wonderful benefits. Research has repeatedly found that listening to music and playing it can both boost memory, because they stimulate the brain. Since this activity keeps the mind alert and active, it is never too late to start, and it helps keep your memory sharp.

It eases stress

Playing regularly can actually lower your stress levels. What better way to relax than playing a favourite tune, the kind that sets your feet tapping, or a gentle melody? Even listening to a favourite song helps.

It improves coordination

Playing needs good hand and eye coordination. You read the notes, and your brain has to turn them, without your noticing, into precise movements. You add a rhythm, and you even pay attention to your breathing, so that the music comes out beautifully.

It widens your social life

Music connects you with all kinds of people, and playing an instrument will certainly enrich your social life.

It teaches discipline

Learning can be hard at times, but do not give up, because the rewards are many. Discipline is one of the most important qualities a musician has. You must become more organised, practise every day even when you do not feel like it, and set priorities so that there is enough time to perfect the skill.

It makes you responsible

Learning an instrument takes patience, because it demands a lot of time and effort. You will rehearse a great deal and work on difficult passages again and again before you finally play them correctly.

It sharpens maths

To play, you learn to count notes and rhythms, which improves your maths skills. Music theory has many mathematical sides too. Research also suggests that young people who play music or study the arts often outperform their peers in maths and score better grades, and music students tend to receive more academic honours and awards.

Pick up the instrument you have always wanted to play. The music is the reward you hear. The patience, focus and discipline are the rewards you keep.

We live in a world that often pretends dominance is better than sensitivity. Sensitive people go the other way. They try to fill the world around them with compassion, both for their own good and for the good of others, and that alone is a huge benefit. If you are one of them, or live alongside one, here are some other strengths that sensitivity quietly brings.

People are drawn to you

Good people tend to gravitate towards a sensitive person. So do people who are not so good, and, believe it or not, some of them become better simply by spending time around you. One of the greatest gifts of being highly sensitive is that you can become the centre of a circle where good things happen. In your company, others often find their own creativity waking up. They may also feel more comfortable and free to show their true selves, because they sense that you will not judge them harshly.

You feel good things deeply

Sensitive people feel everything deeply, and that includes the good. When something good happens, even something small, they experience the happiness and gratitude at a deep level. A kind compliment, or a warm conversation with a friend or family member, can completely make their day. They love deeply, and they also feel the love of others deeply. That is a wonderful way to live.

You are creative

Sensitive people are strongly affected on the inside by what happens outside them. That is often described as a weakness, but the same openness gives them access to a deep source of creativity inside. Being sensitive gives a person a front row seat to the inner show: the creativity, intuition and clarity that live inside every one of us.

Feeling deeply cuts both ways, and hard moments will be felt sharply too. But the same trait that makes a person easily moved also makes them a magnet for good people and a well of creative ideas. There is nothing in it to apologise for.

We all know that helping people is good. It makes life a little better for the people we help. What we forget is that the person receiving the kindness is not the only one who benefits. Giving brings plenty of rewards to the giver too. Here are a few of them.

Doing good feels good

It sounds obvious, yet sometimes the smallest wave is what finally carries you to the shore. This reason may look small, but it may be one of the biggest on the list. Whatever you do, whether tiny or life changing, the memory of having done it, and the feeling, drive and passion for others that comes with it, is deeply life enriching. Everyone should try it at least once.

You may find out who you are

It has been wisely said that you find yourself by losing yourself in serving others. Even small acts, like doing the shopping or the cleaning for a person unable to manage it, can draw your body, mind and spirit out of isolation and into laughter, gratitude and quiet reflection. Somewhere along the way, your true self comes into view.

It builds strong connections

Helping is not a transaction where you do a good turn and then each of you walks off. Once you have made a real difference to another person, a bond forms between you. Working together builds trust, and that trust draws the two of you closer from both sides.

It lifts your self-esteem

Consider offering a few hours to a cause close to your heart. Volunteers tend to show stronger self-esteem and better well-being in general. The explanation experts give is simple: the more socially connected we feel, the better we feel about ourselves. The benefit also depends on consistency: the more regularly you volunteer, the more confident you become.

You become part of something bigger

Serving an organisation or institution in person is different from sending a cheque to charity, although a cheque is sometimes a fine way to help too. Hands-on service gives you an identity, a circle of people you belong to, and the sense that your effort counts for something.

So the next time you lend a hand, notice what comes back. Kindness rarely travels in only one direction.

Life’s challenges are what help us grow. In many ways they are our greatest gifts. Even so, daily worries can sweep us away. Even while we try hard to live mindfully, we sometimes slip back into old habits. That is entirely normal, and no cause for alarm. It is exactly why peace is not a one-time achievement but a commitment and a practice for the whole of life. Keep these five ideas close when times get hard.

1. Use your senses

When the mind is crowded, turning to your senses helps enormously. Feel your fingertips on the keys as you type. Feel each foot land as you walk. Notice the smell of the air. Each time you return your attention to this moment, you pull it away from worry and back to what is actually real, here and now.

2. Slow down

Many of us love to rush. We dash from one place to the next and hurry through every job. When the body is scattered, the mind scatters with it. Slowing your pace quietens the mind, and there is deep serenity in unhurried, gentle movement. Rushing is rarely needed. The work will get done either way, so let us bring peace into the doing as well.

3. Calm your breathing

Under stress, breathing easily becomes too shallow, or even too deep, and that can lead to hyperventilation. When it happens, the best thing is to slow your breathing down. Rather than gulping huge breaths, softer and lighter ones can really calm you. Just make sure your belly expands as you breathe in. Monks in meditation do not take giant breaths. You can barely see them breathing at all, much as our own breathing slows when we sleep.

4. Relax your muscles

Muscles tighten quietly, often without our knowing. Simply noticing that tightness, and then deliberately loosening each muscle, makes a real difference. Check through your body every so often, from head to toe, and release whatever tension you find.

5. Make peace the priority

Nothing matters more than peace. With peace, everything else in life becomes easier, and even the hardest challenges are not quite so hard. Pain cannot always be avoided, but suffering is a choice. Worry and misery are never required, because any situation can be met with peace. Our own lives, and the lives of those around us, become far more pleasant once we master this skill.

As the Buddha put it, the secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past or worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.

Take a lump of clay and feel it in your hands. Now set it on a potter’s wheel and let it spin. What takes shape? A bowl. Look a little closer, though, and you notice something strange. The bowl is not really defined by the clay. It is defined by the empty space the clay encloses.

The useful part is the part that is not there

It is that empty space which holds the water, and holding water is the whole purpose of a bowl. The physical form of the bowl simply reflects the space it creates. How the bowl will be used, and what final form it takes, is decided in the moment the potter’s hands shape it on the wheel.

So the clay gives the bowl its walls, yet the bowl is more than a clay shell. Its very definition must include the empty space inside. Indeed, the space matters more to a bowl than the material it is made of.

What this says about us

The process of shaping that space is a fine picture of free will. Free will is our power to give expression to the true nature of the space within us. It lives in the moment of shaping: the whim of the instant, the place that comes before a dream, the second when the hands decide which way to press.

None of us starts with a blank wheel. Our first empty space is formed by others and by what we are given:

• our parents
• our teachers
• the culture we grow up in
• our own bodies
• the habits and tendencies of our minds

And yet, with all those early influences, every one of us keeps a remarkable amount of freedom to shape that space in our own way.

The next time you hold a cup or a bowl, notice the emptiness that makes it useful. Then ask what shape you are giving to your own.

Passivity is not laziness in the ordinary sense. It is a compulsion, often a learned one, to move through life at half speed. Over time it leaves a person seeing every glass as half empty. Once that view settles in, plans and goals get only half a heart, and half a heart rarely finishes anything. The good news is that a learned tendency can be unlearned. Here is how to begin.

Look honestly at your own behaviour

Start with a few plain questions, and answer them truthfully. What makes you hold back and act in such a passive way? Is it that nobody around you offers encouragement? And the hardest question of all: does the way you behave right now help you, in any way at all, to reach the goals you say you want? Most of the time the answer is no, and seeing that clearly is the first push.

Then act on what you find

Awareness alone changes nothing. Set yourself small goals that can be reached in a short time, and go after them. Use your will power to carry each one through to the end, because a finished small task does more for you than a grand plan left halfway. Every small win you collect builds the motivation that passivity has been draining away.

Do not lose heart too quickly

Getting discouraged early is one of the biggest traps. Some things simply take longer than others, and watching slow progress can be disheartening. Slow is not the same as failing. Expect some tasks to drag, and keep going anyway.

Learn to be assertive

Speaking up for what you want and following through will feel awkward at first, and it does take time to learn. Practise a little every day. After a while it becomes comfortable, and you will find yourself far more motivated to complete what you start.

Keep a journal

Write down the changes you notice in how you behave, and the difference each one makes to your life. On a low day, those pages remind you how far you have already come. That is the real purpose of the journal: to be a source of encouragement you can open whenever you need it.

Half speed is a habit, and habits answer to repetition. Ask the honest questions, take the small steps, be patient with the slow ones, and write it all down.