Tag: Seniors

Even if you do not think of yourself as naturally curious, curiosity can be cultivated, and it pays off in a happier, healthier mind. Some of history’s greatest thinkers, including Edison, Einstein and Richard Feynman, were famously curious. Curiosity also builds stronger relationships, because it makes us want to know others; a solid work ethic, because it makes us dig deeper; and self-awareness, because it makes us want to understand ourselves.

A brain that keeps growing

Curiosity keeps you engaged with the world and open to learning, and it stirs the same parts of the brain linked with well-being and reward. For a long time it was believed that the brain’s wiring became fixed with age. We now know the brain can keep growing and changing with learning throughout life, and curiosity is the key that keeps that process going.

Wonder removes barriers

Worry raises stress hormones, which can affect blood pressure and long-term health. It is far better to wonder why you do what you do than to worry about it. Wondering opens doors; worrying builds walls.

How to wonder

Copy children, who constantly want to know why. Keep asking it, five times over, and you will find your mind opening, even if you started with something quite ordinary.

Curiosity helps you learn

Learning sparks curiosity, but curiosity also sparks learning. Studies suggest that when people are genuinely curious about something, they remember more of what they learn, because curiosity links the brain’s reward system with the region that forms new memories.

Small changes, new pathways

New experiences help the brain form fresh connections. You do not need to travel the world for this. Simple changes to your routine, like taking a different route to work and noticing what is different, are enough to get started.

Keep an open mind

The adult brain likes order and is quick to label things and put them in boxes. When something new comes along, try to resist labelling it straight away. Look instead for what you can learn. Give yourself permission to be a student of something you do not yet understand; not knowing a topic says nothing bad about you. One easy way to practise is to watch a documentary with a truly open mind, holding back judgment until it has finished.

Begin every first try fully believing it will succeed, while keeping a second attempt ready in case it does not.

No time for self-pity

When your first try brings the result you wanted, wonderful. When it does not, do not spend a moment sulking or pitying yourself. Believe it will work out, and keep at it until it does.

Round up more options

If one option fails, or two, or a dozen, gather a few more and carry on. Success that does not come at once is not success that is out of reach. Trust that there is a way, and persist until you find it.

Genius is often persistence

Much of what looks like brilliance from the outside is, more often than not, simple persistence. Be willing to make enough attempts, and almost anything becomes possible.

Think of soft drops of water falling on the hardest stone. Each drop seems to do nothing at all, yet over time they wear the stone away. Now imagine what you could achieve with that same quiet power of persistence.

We are surrounded by gossip, noise and endless messages about how we ought to live. No wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed and unsure of what we actually mean to tell one another. Yet people who speak the truth have more to offer than those who do not. Here are a few reasons to stay honest, even when saying the true thing makes your voice tremble.

It opens your heart

Honesty is one of the ways love shows itself. Whether you are talking with a friend, a partner or a colleague, begin by being honest with them. You will show what genuinely interests and drives you, and your own heart will feel lighter, because honesty feels better from the inside and looks better from the outside.

It frees you from fear

Think back to the last time you lied to someone’s face. How did it feel? Did your stomach knot? Did your chest tighten? Did you walk around afraid that they might find out? Honesty sheds all of that. The more honest you are, the less room fear has to live in you.

It shows on your face

It is often said that becoming a better person makes you look better too. Think about it: a lie puts you under strain, whether from guilt or from fear of being found out. That strain wears on the body. It can even stop you from smiling freely. Speaking the truth lets your face relax, and keeps you looking well for longer.

A power we all have

Telling the truth when you are tempted to lie can genuinely improve both your mental and physical health. And when you value your own truth over convenient untruths, others will take care to really listen to what you have to say. Speaking the truth is a power every one of us possesses. Learn to use it.

We are all in the same boat. We simply have different paddles, and perhaps we find ourselves on different rivers. All of us live in human bodies, the vessels that carry us through the world. We are all made of flesh, blood and bone, with brains, hearts and lungs to power us. What differs are our paddles, the tools we use to move through life, and the waters, the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Our many paddles

Some of us use a sharp mind to get where we want to go. Some use a smile, others kindness, a gift with words, or physical ability. Some of these qualities we were born with; others are skills we have learned along the way.

Looking at your own life through this picture can be revealing. What tools are you using to get from where you are to where you want to be? Chances are that you, and the people you know, have used many different tools in different combinations over the years.

Why balance matters

Just as with oars, a balanced approach works best. If you rely too heavily on a single quality, say good looks, to open every door, you never become well-rounded, and you may eventually lose your balance. If that one quality fades, you are left with no paddle at all. That is a good reason to develop several tools for finding your way.

Never really alone

Some of us travel paths that feel like rushing rivers; others drift across a wide, still lake. And at one time or another, all of us have felt tossed about on a stormy sea.

Through all of it, we are never truly alone, even when it feels that way. There is inspiration all around us, in the people paddling their way through the very same world, in the very same boat. Look around you for role models, for company and for encouragement. They are closer than you think.

Once there was a beggar who owned almost nothing. All his life he wore a single, tattered coat. Yet over time he earned a quiet reputation, and people began coming to him with all kinds of problems. Before long, he had a name for great wisdom. Word reached the king, who soon started visiting him for advice too.

One condition

One day the king told him, “A man like you belongs in my court, not on the street. Be my minister.”

“Your offer means nothing to me,” answered the beggar. “But if it lets me be useful to the people, I will accept, on one condition. I must have a room in the palace that nobody may ever enter or inspect, not even you. If anyone does, I will no longer be your minister.”

“Agreed,” said the king. “The room is yours. Keep it however you like.”

Envy and rumour

Years passed. As Chief Minister, he could no longer walk about in his beggar’s coat, so he dressed as his position required. In time he won deep admiration, and both the king and the public held him dear. Watching his fame and his unmatched wisdom grow, the other ministers grew jealous. “He must be hiding something in that room,” they whispered. “That is why no one is allowed in.”

The rumour grew until it reached the king. Knowing the man’s worth, the king held back for a long while. But the doubt kept gnawing at him, until one day he insisted, “I must see that room.” The minister agreed, and the king went in.

What the room held

The room was completely bare. On the wall hung only that old, tattered coat.

“Why keep this a secret?” asked the king. “There is nothing here.”

The minister answered, “By day, I am a minister. At night, I put on that coat and sleep on the floor. That way, I never get carried away by my position. But now that you have broken our agreement, it is over.”

He put on his old coat and walked away.

Whatever title we carry, it helps to keep our own old coat somewhere close, a daily reminder of who we really are beneath the role.

A trustworthy person is someone who will never cheat you or let you down, who does what they promised, and who will not abandon you when things get hard. They take responsibility for their actions and admit their mistakes, without trying to shift the blame onto anyone else. Here is how to become that person.

Be honest

Being truthful and direct is not always easy, yet without it, trust cannot grow. When someone holds back information, or never says how they really feel, others find it hard to rely on them. Everyone wants to deal with trustworthy people, in friendships and in business alike.

Value every promise

An agreement may seem small and unimportant to you, yet mean a great deal to the other person. Break it, and it can become a big disappointment for them. Before you decide a promise does not matter, pause and think about what it is worth to the one you made it to.

Express yourself with care

People who deal only in bare facts often meet a cold response. If you recount what happened purely from your own point of view, with no empathy or understanding, the listener may even feel you are enjoying someone else’s misfortune. We are both thinking and feeling creatures, and we need to keep the two in balance so that neither crowds out the other.

Show loyalty

Show that you will protect people and stand on their side, whether they are in the room or not. Trust grows stronger when someone is confident in your loyalty. Loyalty may be a rare quality these days, but it seldom goes unnoticed, and it is rarely left unrewarded.

So much of our lives is spent communicating that it is well worth investing some time, attention and intelligence in shaping our messages, and the tone in which we deliver them, wisely and kindly.

Two questions before you speak

What tone of voice, and what choice of words, will give this message the best chance of working, and lead to the best outcome for everyone involved? If you spend just a few moments on these two questions before you speak, you may be surprised by how much changes for the better.

The same words can comfort or wound depending on how they are said. A request can sound like an order. Concern can sound like criticism. Taking a breath to choose your tone often prevents a misunderstanding before it starts.

Your tone tells you something too

Often we do not really notice our own mood until we start speaking. The tone that comes out tells us a great deal about what we are really feeling. So simply listening to your own voice can be both fascinating and useful. If you hear impatience or irritation creeping in, that is a signal worth noticing.

Build a range of tones

Develop a range of tones that you can use on purpose. Get to know what warm, calm, encouraging and patient tones sound like when you use them, and practise them in ordinary conversations. Like any skill, it grows with use, and the people around you will feel the difference long before they can name it.

Pull out the weeds in your life, plant something true in their place, and a rich harvest will be waiting for you when all is said and done.

What counts as a weed

A weed means different things to different people. As the saying goes, one person’s weed is another person’s garden. Broadly, a weed is any plant growing where it is not wanted. And to be rid of weeds, you have to go after their roots.

Our personal lives have weeds too: bad habits, mistaken opinions of ourselves or others, procrastination, or simply disorganisation. They can show up as a lack of motivation or passion, and they can hide in what we believe and in how we see ourselves. Left alone, they drain the joy out of life and leave us living in discomfort.

Uproot and replace

To clear them, we must pull them out and put something better in their place, using accountability, resources and opportunities that help us grow into a productive and joyful life.

Remember that uprooting a weed of this kind takes time, because we are replacing bad habits with better ones. A garden needs time for healthy plants to take hold. So does yours. The new habits you plant need nourishment to grow. Change is never easy, and often there is an awkward stage to go through before you see the beauty and the rewards.

A simple process

• Replace a bad habit with a good one by picturing clearly what the new habit will look like, and understanding why you are making the swap.
• Practise the new actions again and again, until they come naturally.
• Expect a transition phase. The old behaviour has become comfortable, like a worn pair of shoes that may look shabby but feel so easy. Resist slipping back. You are working to remove the whole root, which takes time and energy.
• The new habit may feel uncomfortable at first because you are not used to it. Keep practising, and do not give up just because it feels strange. The result is worth it.
• In the end, the new behaviour becomes automatic. A new habit is born.

Weeding the garden of your life takes persistence, patience and, above all, a commitment to change. Once healthy changes take root, you can keep that garden beautiful, and free of those stubborn weeds.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Once you work out which it is, you know how to respond. It helps to understand why someone is in your life, and to value them for exactly what they are.

For a reason

When someone enters your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need, one you have spoken aloud or only felt inside. They arrive to help you through a difficulty, to give you guidance and support, or to help you physically or emotionally. They can feel like a gift sent at just the right moment, and in a sense they are. They are there because you need them to be.

Then, through no fault of yours, and often at an awkward time, they say or do something that brings the relationship to an end. Sometimes they simply walk away. What we need to understand is that our need has been met and our wish fulfilled. Their part is done. What we hoped for has arrived, and now it is time to move on.

For a season

When people come into your life for a season, it is because your time has come to share, to grow or to learn. They may bring you a sense of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done before. Often they give you an extraordinary amount of joy. Believe it, because it is real. But it lasts only for a season.

For a lifetime

Lifetime relationships teach lifetime lessons: the things you must build on to have a solid emotional foundation. Your task is to accept the lesson, love the person, and carry what you have learned into all your other relationships and into the rest of your life.

It is said that love is blind, but friendship sees clearly. Whichever kind of person you are thinking of right now, be grateful for what they brought.

Nelson Mandela once observed that what binds us to one another is human compassion. Not pity, and not looking down on others, but the understanding of people who have learned to transform the pain they share into hope.

So here are a few dares for today, to help you show a little more compassion to the people around you. Try them, and by the end of the day you may find yourself more mindful, and happier.

Show compassion to someone

Whatever you are going through yourself, you can always make another person feel good in some small way. Pay someone a compliment. Hold the door open. Stop to help someone stranded by the roadside. Cook something for a friend who has just been through a painful break-up or a hard time. Put simply, do one unplanned kind thing, and see how inventive you can be.

Offer a hug

Some people stand in busy streets holding a sign that offers free hugs, and it works well because everyone knows what to expect. When did you last hug someone who needed it? The truth is that many people feel quite lonely. A warm embrace, offered where it is welcome, can ease that feeling, even if only for a moment.

Call someone you keep meaning to

Today, pick up the phone and call the person you have been meaning to talk to for ages. It could be an old friend, a distant relative, a former teacher, or someone you once knew well. Ask how they have been. There is nothing to lose.

Write a letter by hand

When did you last receive a handwritten letter? We read emails and messages all day, but none of them feels like opening an envelope from a friend or relative. If you can remember how excited you were to receive a letter you had been waiting for, imagine how the person you write to will feel.