Tag: Young Adults

Managing people can be one of the most rewarding jobs in any field. It can also be one of the hardest. The trick is to find the right mix of friendliness and authority.

Good management is built on basics rather than brilliance. There is nothing wrong with being able to hold a huge audience spellbound, but how well a team actually runs comes down to how consistently you get the fundamentals right, day after day. In that spirit, here are six basics that can make you a better manager.

1. Keep a fresh perspective

The best managers bend and adapt, and stay closely in tune with what is happening around them. They are always on the lookout for opportunities. Listen well. Many of the best ideas for improving how work gets done come from the people doing it every day, because they are closest to it. Rigid thinking holds progress back. Do not be afraid to change course and leave behind the old excuse, “This is how we have always done it.”

2. Expect excellence

Set standards that are high but reachable, and expect your team to meet them. In the end, the best managers are neither the toughest nor the nicest. They are the ones who bring out the best results from the people they lead. When your team sees that your standards never slip, they remember it. And when they see you demand excellence from yourself, they are far more likely to find it in themselves.

3. Be real with people

Workplaces are changing. You do not need to appear superhuman or out of reach. Be the ordinary human being you are. Share a little of your own life at work, and take an interest in other people’s lives. Being your real self is much easier than keeping one personality for the office and another for home. Let your team know what is happening behind the scenes where you can, and if a decision will affect someone, make sure they hear about it.

4. Make room for fun

A bit of fun makes work lighter for everyone, builds good relationships and strengthens the team. Almost any workplace can use more of it. If the nature of the job makes that hard, plan some enjoyable activities when you can. A team lunch or an outing after work can help people see you, and each other, in a new light. And when the atmosphere is positive, problems become easier to handle as they come up.

5. Notice what is going right

Look for the good in your people and their work. Do not be the manager who only spots what is missing and never what has been achieved. It is deeply discouraging to work for someone who only sees mistakes. Positivity spreads. Sincere praise goes a long way. If that does not come naturally, make a habit of jotting down the good things you notice about how your team works. Give feedback often, and let people know you see their efforts.

6. Lead quietly

A good manager often works in the background, making small adjustments that add up to a big difference.

Warning signs you are getting it wrong

• You give the people who report to you little or no direction.
• You are meant to hold regular performance reviews but somehow never get round to them.
• You push your team around.
• You spend more energy on office politics and your next promotion than on your people.
• You take credit for other people’s work whenever you can.

Most of us now live with a screen within arm’s reach from morning to night. It is easy to forget that switching off, even for an evening or a weekend, is an option. Here are nine good reasons to do it now and then.

1. You will feel less envy and loneliness

Stepping away from social media helps clear out the unhealthy jealousy, envy and loneliness that endless scrolling can stir up.

2. Real conversation builds real skills

Nobody ever became a good communicator by dashing off careless comments under photos.

3. You get your privacy back

When you are always posting, almost anyone can work out what you are doing, when, and where.

4. The fear of missing out fades

Switching off is one of the surest cures for the constant worry that something better is happening elsewhere.

5. You make room for solitude

In a world where we are always connected, quiet time alone has become rare. Unplugging gives it back.

6. The best of life is right in front of you

The people, the places and the moments that matter most are usually here, not on a screen.

7. You create more and consume less

Time away from devices tends to turn into time spent making, building and doing, rather than just watching.

8. Life is still face to face

For all our technology, human life is still about being physically present with each other and looking one another in the eye.

9. Nobody is really keeping score

In the end, you are not truly that interested in what all those other people are up to, and they are not that interested in you either. Knowing that makes it much easier to put the phone down.

A budget is simply a spending plan that makes sure there is money available when you really need it. The first step, of course, is to create one. That may not sound like much fun, but a budget is nothing more than a careful look at what you earn and what you spend, so that you know exactly how much money comes in and where it all goes. Here are some steps to get there.

1. Ask what you need and what you want

What would you like? What do you truly need? Take an honest look at your present finances and step back to see the whole picture. Then write down your needs on one page and your wants on another. Seeing them side by side is often an eye-opener.

2. Set your own guidelines

Every household’s budget looks different, because every household’s needs and wants are different. You may want to allow for a daily coffee treat, or for regular trips to see family. That is fine, as long as you take that money from somewhere else in the plan.

3. Track, trim and target

Once you begin keeping a record of your spending, you may be startled at how much slips away each month on eating out and other optional extras. In most cases it is wiser to start by cutting back than by cutting things out entirely. Keep it realistic. A sensible budget also leaves you better prepared when an unexpected bill arrives.

Trim the smart way

The best way to cut your spending is to set goals that are SMART:

• Specific: clear enough that they point to a definite action.
• Measurable: so you can tell when you have reached the goal, or how near you are.
• Attainable: the steps toward it should be reasonable and doable.
• Relevant: the goal has to make sense for you. There is no point chasing a target that does not suit your real needs.
• Time-related: pick a firm date. A goal with a deadline is far more likely to happen.

Living within your means is not about doing without. It is about knowing where your money goes, and deciding that on purpose.

Getting the balance right between work and personal life is a journey that never quite ends, and what you need will keep changing as your life changes. So it is worth setting aside a little time, now and then, to look honestly at where your balance stands today.

Juggling a career and a personal life can be hard in today’s demanding workplaces. Long hours, tough targets and unpredictable timetables are common complaints, and in some professions, such as law, they are almost the norm. With technology letting work follow us everywhere, at every hour, balance matters more than ever, and is harder than ever to find. These habits can help.

Prioritise

Write a to-do list and shape your schedule around it, so you are not trying to cram everything into a single day. Tomorrow will come, and it will bring its own hours.

Organise your time

Group similar tasks together, and set aside fixed blocks of time for each kind of work.

Use the tools you have

Many business owners rely on software to keep themselves organised and to run the back office. If you spend money on such tools, also spend the time to learn how to use them well. Otherwise they become one more burden.

Manage your own expectations

If you hold yourself to standards higher than you can actually meet, nothing will ever feel finished. If you can realistically make it home for dinner only one evening a week, say so clearly. Then make that evening count: switch off your phone and be fully there.

Talk it through

Each person in your family may picture a good balance quite differently, so take time to really understand each point of view. That reduces needless friction and builds understanding and support. Sharing your plan with others also prevents fuzzy expectations and the letdowns that follow.

Be proactive

Do not sit waiting for others to reply to you. And tell people early on what you need from them.

Live by your values

Make it plain to others what matters most to you. If you say family comes first but stay late at the office every single night, your actions send a mixed message. That gap also wears on your own mind, and can carry a sour mood into both your work and your home.

Respect your private time

You would move an important work or school meeting only if a real emergency came up. Treat your personal time with equal respect. Once you have put personal time in your calendar, guard it, unless something truly urgent happens.

Some words we say or write do not seem like a problem at first. Yet they are often the first hint that something is off. They make the listener, or the person reading your email, think you are not quite sure of what you are saying. They are dead giveaways that invite people to doubt you. If you want to come across with confidence and authority, watch out for these.

“Might”

Be careful when you tell someone you “might” do something. Are you certain? Nobody is asking you to solve every problem in the world. Saying you “might” finish a report suggests that you lack the skill, cannot manage your time, or are juggling too much.

“Will not”

This one is an obvious phrase to cut from your emails and your speech. Telling people you “will not” do something, or “will not” be at a meeting, creates a negative feeling. Be decisive instead. Simply accept the invitation or turn it down. A grudging “will not” makes you sound reluctant.

“Usually”

In emails and in conversation, this word signals to everyone that you are missing some facts. Say your manager is “usually” late, and you are bending the truth.

“Suspect”

Unless you are discussing a court case, do not “suspect” things. You are not a detective. Speak plainly: you know an investor is withdrawing, and here is why. Or you have facts that back up your view on the new marketing plan.

“Impossible”

Confident leaders rarely write this word. The person reading it will quickly lose faith in you. Explain what makes something tough, or simply say you disagree with the plan. Do not declare it impossible.

“Worried”

We all carry worries. But telling people in an email that you are worried makes it look as though you doubt your own abilities. If something concerns you, skip the word. Describe what concerns you, and suggest a way forward.

“Confused”

Announcing your confusion only spreads more of it. It suggests either that you have missed something or that the subject itself is muddled. It is better to name exactly what is unclear and ask questions.

“Need”

We all have needs, but repeating them in email after email makes you sound needy. “I need you in early.” “I need that report.” Drop the word and state what is required in a direct way.

“Quandary” and “likely”

Telling someone you are in a “quandary” means you are utterly baffled, which is seldom true when it comes to a new proposal or a funding round. And calling something “likely” tells people you are unsure and do not have the full picture. More often than not, it simply shows a lack of confidence.

A few more habits that help

Practise what you want to say. Do not let your statements rise at the end like questions. Slow down. Use your hands as you speak. Say thank you. Let a pause work for you. And stand or sit up straight.

Every one of us has weak spots. For some people, a weakness simply comes from not having a particular skill or piece of know-how. Being unable to drive, or being a poor cook, certainly counts. Other weaknesses are part of our nature: some of us are shy, some too sure of ourselves, some quick-tempered. A weakness can also take the form of a physical or mental limitation, such as a learning difficulty or needing a wheelchair to get around.

Some of our weaknesses are plain for all to see, while others can be tucked out of sight. Some are small nuisances we can easily work around. Others are large barriers that force us to rearrange our whole lives.

The good news is that by taking deliberate steps, you can take even the most limiting weaknesses and turn them into some of your greatest strengths, sparing yourself much of the frustration and unhappiness they bring. There are two main ways to do it.

1. Treat it as a place to grow

The first approach is to see each weakness as a signpost pointing to where you can improve. If your gap is a missing skill or missing knowledge, then building up your ability in that area is the most direct way to turn it around. The poor cook can take a class. The non-driver can book lessons.

2. See it differently

Very often you can turn a weakness into a strength just by changing how you look at it. Seen from a fresh angle, you may find it actually supports your other strengths. A shy person, for instance, is often a careful listener and observer. This second approach can be the wisest choice for a weakness you cannot physically change, such as a disability, or something that happened long ago.

When you view your weaknesses in a new light, you may well discover they are strengths in disguise. In the end, “weakness” is only a label we stick on something. It is not a fixed fact about the world. So pay attention to how you describe your weaknesses to yourself. Changing that inner story can be the single most powerful way to turn them into personal strengths.

Every road to success has its hurdles. Each of us tends to believe our obstacles are ours alone, but in truth we all wrestle with the same basic ones. Most of them are walls we build in our own minds, standing between us and what we want. Here are five of the most common.

1. Envy

Envy is a trick of the mind. Someone else’s good luck does not take a single thing away from you. The more you pay attention to what you already have, instead of what you are missing, the happier you will be, and the further you are likely to go.

2. Comparison

People who do well rarely measure themselves against others. They know it drains time and energy, because, as you have probably seen, there is nobody else quite like you. The only fair comparison is with where you started and where you hope to get to.

3. Blame

Blame is an easy shortcut for explaining away our failures and slip-ups. But our lives, our wins and our achievements are what we make of them. Pointing fingers when things go wrong simply does not help. Put your time and effort into solving the problem instead of finding someone to hold responsible.

4. Fear

If you dread failure, you will probably hesitate to act at all. Yet fear is often just the mind’s way of telling you that there is something worth pushing through. Do not let it block your path. The risks may be real, but how much you let fear rule you is up to you. Get past it, and you will move on tougher, wiser and sharper than before.

5. Distraction

To succeed, you have to cut off the supply to your distractions and give that energy to your focus. Instead of chasing quick bursts of fun, learn to enjoy the deeper reward of working steadily and finishing what you start. Do not let the clamour of the world drown out the quiet voice that is leading you toward your goal.

This day comes to you carrying a little of everything: chances and annoyances, troubles and openings. The question is what you will make of it. Choose to shape it into something good and worthwhile.

Refuse a borrowed day

Do not accept someone else’s plan for how your day ought to go. And do not settle for a replay of a day you have already lived. Do something fresh and truly yours, something that reminds you how precious and meaningful your life is.

Yes, today has a timetable. There is a list of jobs, the familiar duties and the things other people are counting on you to do. Those matter. But today also offers you a chance to reach past all of that, to go further than what is merely expected.

Choose one worthwhile challenge

You already know, from experience, how well you rise when something tests you, and how satisfying that feels. So today, look for a challenge that really means something to you. Give it your full attention and effort, and let that familiar sense of achievement come alive again.

You are built to grow and to accomplish. You have the tools and the drive. Today, do the thing you are here to do.

Everything is waiting on you

Your dreams and goals, your skills and experience, your hard-won understanding, your love and your courage are all standing by, eager for your next step. Do not leave them waiting. Today, put all of it to work, and live your life as fully as you possibly can.

Mindfulness is a skill we can learn, a gentle and caring practice we can weave into daily life. Once learned, it gives us a simple way to settle ourselves whenever we feel upset, and it is always within reach.

Practised regularly, meditation can ease stress and worry and sharpen concentration. It can even bring two partners closer together. Here is how mindfulness can help, and three ways to try it.

Why it matters in a relationship

Mindfulness begins with a choice: to notice more clearly how we turn up in life, and then to decide deliberately how we want our presence to look and feel to others. That is really what we each bring into a partnership. When you practise it for your own calm, for steadier emotions and for clearer conversation, your relationship benefits too.

Three exercises, no meditation needed

If you would like some hands-on practice without sitting down to meditate, these three exercises can make your bond stronger.

Look inward first. Pay attention to what sets off a strong, negative reaction in you toward your partner. When you notice anger rising, hold back from responding straight away. Step aside and take an honest look. Try hard to reach the source of that old hurt, then put it on paper. Let yourself be open, and share what you found with your partner. As the old pattern of defending and blaming starts to fall away, you will find that many future quarrels never begin.

Play the gratitude game. Over time, many of us stop noticing our partners, and the warm words slowly dry up. Practise putting into words the feelings that first drew you to each other, and the ones that keep you together today. Write down ten reasons you are thankful for your partner, then read them aloud. Making time to say thank you to each other builds a deep sense of trust and safety between you.

Listen deeply. Most of us do not truly listen when someone is speaking to us. We are busy planning our answer or thinking about something else entirely. Our attention wanders because the mind is restless and keen to move on to the next item on the list. Next time your partner talks, set that restlessness aside and simply hear them out. It is one of the kindest gifts you can give.

A good sense of humour does a lot for us. It lowers stress, helps us cope with pain, builds warmth and understanding between people, and can even make us more attractive company. But what exactly is a “good” sense of humour, and how can you grow yours? Here are a few pointers.

Hear the invitation in the joke

People often use humour to poke fun at themselves, or gently at others, in a friendly spirit. When someone tells you about an embarrassing moment, they may be hoping you will laugh along with them, not feel sorry for them. Laughing with them is a kindness.

Answer in the same key

Once you sense the tone of a joke, you can try making a similar kind of joke back. This easy back and forth is one of the most common ways people show that they like each other.

Learn to take a joke

If you find that you are quickly offended or upset, it may be worth working on your sense of humour. When someone teases you, try teasing back instead of getting angry.

If you are unsure whether you are being teased unkindly, ask yourself a simple question. Is this person really likely to want to hurt me, or could they simply be reaching out in a friendly way? If you honestly cannot tell, it is perfectly fine to ask them.

Notice what a joke stirs up

Sometimes a remark meant in fun still stings. When that happens, ask yourself what uncomfortable feeling it touched. Humour has a way of showing us insecurities and fears we did not know we were carrying, and seeing them clearly is the first step to easing them.

Remember why it is worth it

A sense of humour lets you find something to smile about in good times and in hard ones. It can ease stress and worry, and it strengthens both your ability to cope and the way you feel about yourself. That is a lot of value from a little lightness.