Tag: Young Adults

Building a personal brand online may help you grow a professional network, but nothing will ever replace a warm, genuine personality. Here are the habits of people who are so likable that others go out of their way to help them.

They pay close attention

When someone is speaking to them, they truly listen. Using a conversation as a chance to lecture someone may feed the ego, but it never draws people in or wins friends.

They stay composed

They keep their composure in all circumstances. Overreacting, whether to good news or bad, can leave a poor impression. In tense moments, they remember that silence can be far more effective than angry words.

They do not say every thought

The most likable people know that it is not worth offending others by voicing every thought, even when those thoughts happen to be true.

They are patient

They understand that the right timing for words and actions gives them a real advantage over people who rush.

They keep an open mind

People who close themselves off from certain ideas, and spend time only with those who think as they do, miss out on personal growth and on many opportunities to move forward.

They smile when they speak

A genuine smile helps people lower their guard during a conversation.

They do a good turn every day

The best connectors help others without expecting anything in return.

They find the lesson in failure

We admire people who learn from setbacks instead of sinking into them. Likable people are even grateful for the wisdom a defeat gave them, wisdom they could not have gained any other way.

Why do some people reach enormous success in their field, while others work just as hard and get little? Very often, the difference comes down to one ingredient: consistency.

Consistency matters in every part of life, whether personal life, public service or business. It is a large part of the quality that gives anything its value, from a relationship to a product or service. Many people fail to understand this, and end up losing exactly what they love: relationships, friends, customers, reputation, trust and respect. Here is why it matters so much.

Without it, you lose momentum

If you are not seeing results straight away, it is easy to become discouraged and give up. You need to keep going past the point where your effort becomes routine. Only then does momentum build and real progress follow. Starting and stopping simply wastes time.

It gets your effort noticed

When you keep making an effort, you begin to see results, and so do other people. When others start acknowledging your progress, take it as a sign that things are working, and let it motivate you to continue.

It wins over talent

Whatever you are working towards, whether building a business or getting fitter, you can reach almost any goal by taking consistent action, regardless of how naturally gifted you are. Steady effort beats talent and irregular bursts every time.

It builds real competence

It is impossible to achieve great results without consistent practice. Some people trust to luck, but would you really leave your life goals to chance? Knowing a little is not enough; you need a commitment to keep learning and improving.

It is the mark of a leader

The first step to leading others is leading yourself. Whenever you stop being consistent, progress slows and your goals drift further out of reach. Who we become is the sum of what we do each day, added up over years. Steady habits often decide whether we end up well or unwell, thriving or struggling, near to the people we love or far from them.

Of course, you will lose focus at times, and you will feel uncomfortable. Push through that discomfort and stay the course. In the end, consistency is about small, strengthening habits practised every single day. You, and you alone, are accountable for what you do, and for what you fail to do.

Arguments are those moments when tension rises, replies turn personal, and you go round in circles without getting anywhere. Often the conflict takes on a life of its own. You end up arguing about who does more of the chores or who forgot what last night, while the bigger issues, like caring, teamwork and appreciation, stay hidden beneath the surface.

It is not just friends, either. Unwanted arguments happen in families and at work. With a little skill, though, you can learn to stop them, so you can get on with solving the real concerns. Here are four phrases that help.

“Let me think about that”

When no real danger is present, a flood of emotion only gets in the way. Asking for time to think lets your body calm down. It also tells the other person that you value them enough to weigh their view, which calms them too.

“You may be right”

It helps because it signals you are open to meeting halfway, and that is usually enough to soften the other person’s position and let them step back too. It is hard to say. But notice that, like a graceful sidestep, you are not agreeing that they are right. You are only admitting there may be something in what they say, and that you will think about it.

“I understand”

These are powerful words because they offer empathy. They stop an argument by changing its direction; trying to understand someone’s point of view is not arguing. They can be hard to say, because pausing to understand can feel like giving in. But understanding does not mean you agree, and it does not mean you have to solve the problem.

“I am sorry”

These may be the most powerful words of all. Many people avoid apologising because they fear it means admitting guilt and accepting all the blame. That view often makes things worse. Sometimes an apology is an admission of responsibility, and then a heartfelt expression of regret matters even more: “You are right, I did not get it done on time. I will do everything I can to make sure it does not happen again.” An apology changes the whole conversation, from “It is not my fault” to “I understand”.

Rejection hurts, especially when you have given something your very best. But dwelling on the disappointment rarely helps. Keep your mind on the other opportunities ahead of you, and keep presenting yourself as well as you can. If you face rejection again and again, use it to build resilience.

Find what was good in it

If nothing else, you should leave each attempt having learned something. Every experience teaches us something, and every interview is an experience.

And if you know you performed at your best, showed the right skills and expertise, and communicated in your most engaging way, yet were still turned down, you can take comfort in this: it was simply the wrong place for you. Not every no is a judgment on your worth. Sometimes it is a matter of fit.

Narrow your search

Be selective about where you apply. Do not be afraid to turn down opportunities that others present to you as perfect if you sense they are not right for you.

Where you do feel you would be a good fit, research the role, the organisation, its culture and the team you would be working with, in as much detail as you can, before you commit to an interview. If someone is representing you, ask them to give you accurate, honest information.

Fewer, better-chosen attempts mean fewer rejections, and the ones that still come will teach you more.

Most of us find it hard to be criticised, corrected or accused, even over the smallest mistakes, and we often react with anger. So how do we keep our sense of humour and lightness when criticism comes our way? Here are a few strategies that help.

Really listen to the critic

Listen properly to what is being said. Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Do not simply nod along while you quietly prepare your comeback. Take the criticism in first; you can decide later what to do with it.

Delay your reaction

Pause and count slowly. Breathe. Let a night pass before you hit send. Almost any pause will do some good.

Suppose an incident at your child’s school has left you fuming. Hold off acting on it for three full days. More often than not, you will realise that doing nothing was better than doing something in the heat of the moment.

Find the fun in failure

The fact is that trying new things and aiming high will always expose you to criticism. Remind yourself to see the lighter side of failing, and to treat both failure and criticism as part of the adventure. Otherwise, the fear of being criticised can freeze you in place.

Not everyone is going to be kind. But we can learn to treat feeling good, feeling bad and feeling right as parts of the same process of growing, and to let criticism, fair or unfair, make us a little wiser each time.

Imperfection is, in a way, part of everything we know in life. Yet we live in a society that prizes perfection. It is a goal no human can actually reach, and still we keep striving for it. The truth is that it is not perfection itself that causes us stress and anxiety. It is our idea of what perfection should look like.

Look around, and you will find a kind of perfection in every nook and corner. You only have to shift where you place your attention. Here are a few ways to start seeing perfection in imperfection.

You are far from perfect too

We often get tripped up by temptation and bad habits. We struggle within ourselves to do what is right. Deep down, we know that many of our actions and decisions are driven by less than healthy tendencies.

Life was never flawless and never will be. That is actually a relief. You can give up the hunt for an imaginary ideal: flawless looks, a dream career, a dream home, a dream partner. You are free to live comfortably within your imperfections.

Stop chasing happiness in perfection

Happiness is not something you finally reach once everything around you is perfect, because that day will never come. Instead, you can find contentment, happiness and joy right in the middle of things that are flawed. The sooner you realise that happiness is fully available to you today, whatever your circumstances, the better your chances of finding it.

Meet each other in your weakness

Once we truly understand that every person is imperfect by nature, we can stop pretending we have it all together. That honesty brings people closer. It is far easier to connect with someone who admits their cracks than with someone pretending they have none.

Some people seem to live in a kind of dream world, where everyone is perfectly equal and nobody ever competes, or as losing. It sounds gentle. But a little competition is not just a good thing. It can be a great thing. Here is why.

Rivals make us grow

Where would you be without rivals? Think about it honestly. You would probably never have taken as many chances, or learned as much, if you had not wanted to win and test yourself against other capable people. A worthy rival shows you what is possible and pushes you to reach for it.

Competition drives great leaps

Some of humanity’s greatest achievements were fuelled by competition. Landing on the moon is a famous example. A major reason the journey happened at all was the race between nations, and the pride each wanted to win.

Competitors spark new ideas

The best thing about having competitors is that they force you to become more inventive. You have to think beyond the obvious and look for new options if you want to stay ahead. Without that pressure, it is all too easy to settle for doing things the way they have always been done.

The key is to keep the rivalry healthy. Let others raise your standards, not your resentment. Compete to grow, and you will find that even when you lose, you have gained something worth having.

Long ago, a king received two beautiful baby eagles as a gift. Delighted, he hired an experienced caretaker to look after them. The caretaker cared for them so well, and bonded with them so closely, that they never needed a cage.

One flies, one does not

A few months later the king came to visit. The two chicks had grown into strong young birds, and he wanted to see them fly. On the caretaker’s signal, both eagles took off. One soared high into the sky and reached new heights. The other fluttered briefly and settled straight back on its usual branch.

Puzzled, the king asked why the second eagle was so different. The caretaker said this one had always been like that, and would never leave its branch.

The challenge

The king badly wanted the second bird to fly as high as the first. He announced a challenge at court: whoever could make the eagle fly would receive a generous reward. Many learned scholars came and tried everything they knew. Not one succeeded.

A few days later, the caretaker reported that someone had done it. The eagle was soaring high in the sky. The successful man turned out to be an ordinary farmer, and asked him how he had managed what so many educated people could not.

“I simply cut the branch,” the farmer said. “The branch it was used to sitting on was gone, so it had no choice but to fly. And it flew very well.”

Our own branches

We are all meant to fly high. Yet we often underestimate ourselves and never discover what we are capable of. We fall into habits that quietly hold us back. Like that eagle, we stay on our familiar branch, never realising how high we could go. Only when the branch disappears are we forced out of our comfort zone, and only then do we discover our true strength.

We need to leave our comfort zones willingly. Great things are rarely achieved inside them, where we keep waiting and hoping for life to get better on its own.

Life is not always going to be rainbows and butterflies. Equally, it is not always going to be grey and miserable. And if it really were all rainbows, you would soon grow tired of looking at them. Here are a few suggestions for the days when life seems to be working against you.

Accept what you cannot control

Accept the simple fact that you cannot control everything. Anger, frustration and upset will not improve you or the situation. You cannot control life, but you can always control how you respond to it.

Sort and cross off

Write down everything that is troubling you or calling for your attention. Then rank it, putting what matters most at the top. Then cross out anything you have absolutely no control over, and let it go. That alone brings a measure of contentment.

List what is good

Write a second list, this time of what brings you joy or gratitude. Turning your attention to what is good brings you back to an awareness of how much is right in your life, and in you. We are often more remarkable than we remember, and we forget it on hard days.

Allow the grey days

Remember that you do not always have to be sunshine and smiles, and that is perfectly fine. Focus on what really matters, and you will find your way back to your happier self.

Turn wounds into wisdom

Find the quiet place of peace inside you, and be grateful for what you have. Let your hurts teach you instead of harden you. If you manage all of these, you will be surprised at how much lighter you feel.

Not everyone has the ability to be independent, yet learning to stand on your own feet underpins every success you hope for. When everything else falls away, the one person you can always count on is you. So the ability to manage life by yourself matters enormously. Independence comes in three kinds, and each brings its own reward.

Personal independence builds confidence

People who are independent tend to feel a little more confident about handling whatever affects their lives. Mostly, this is because they are ready to take action and get things done without waiting for someone else’s support or permission. Every time they act on their own, that confidence grows.

Emotional independence brings happiness

Being emotionally independent means you decide for yourself and face life’s challenges without leaning on others to carry you. It also means less suffering and less disappointment, because you are not relying on other people to meet your emotional needs. You can still love and be loved deeply. You simply do not place the whole weight of your happiness in someone else’s hands.

Financial independence brings pride

Being able to pay your own way through life reduces your dependence on parents, friends, a spouse, or whoever you once leaned on. It means you control what comes in and what goes out, and you do not have to answer to anyone for it. That sense of accomplishment is worth working towards, one step at a time.