Tag: Young Adults

Doing things we do not want to do, or things that frighten us, keeps life moving and lets us grow.

The feeling on the other side

Most of us have tackled some dreaded task and come out the other side feeling energised, with a new sense of confidence and strength. The funny part is that, most of the time, we emerge changed and slightly bemused at how much we had fretted, and at how long we delayed. We may even start hunting for other jobs we have been dodging, just to feel that same mix of excitement and completion again.

Why we put it off

Sometimes we avoid a task because it scares us. Sometimes because it bores us. Sometimes because we suspect it will force a change we do not feel ready for. Whatever the reason, putting it off only builds obstacles in our way. Facing the task in front of us, however heavy it feels, gets life flowing again and lets us grow.

The relief of having done it

The relief is almost physical when we stand on the far side of something hard, knowing we did it even though we did not want to. If instead we hold tight to what feels comfortable, and never face what we would rather avoid, we cut ourselves off from that flow and that growth.

Your one undone thing

Everyone has at least one job that somehow never gets finished. Putting it first on your list, and promising yourself to do it as soon as you can, can release a huge amount of energy.

Whatever yours is, let the promise of what comes afterwards carry you: the exhilaration and confidence that will follow, quite naturally, once it is done.

Most of us have something we would like to change: one small thing that might add a touch of contentment, or simply more joy, to each day. We read tips and guidelines on improving life all the time. Here are a few habits that actually help.

Give yourself something to look forward to

When the mind is anticipating something good, we start to feel happy before the event has even happened. You can use that on purpose. At the end of a tiring working day, tell yourself you are going home to watch a programme you enjoy, or picture the family trip you have planned for the weekend. The anticipation pushes negative thoughts aside.

Keep moving

Many people have to sit for most of the day, which does far more harm than we realise. Exercising two or three times a week is vital for physical fitness and mental stability, but it is also important to avoid sitting too long during the day. Make a habit of getting up and walking about for a moment every 45 minutes. Take any excuse you can find.

Make decisions together

In many situations we decide things alone, sometimes rightly and sometimes not. Independence matters, but there is often a better way. When a decision will affect the people around you, it is far better to include them in thinking it through and making the choice.

Keep learning something new

People who keep investing time in learning new things, even in later life, tend to report richer lives and greater happiness. Part of the reason may be that the mind stays busy. It is also likely that the sense of achievement, and the break from negative thoughts that learning offers, both do good.

Set yourself a bedtime alarm

We have endless content at our fingertips: television channels, the internet, games and apps. It tempts us to keep watching one more thing before bed, and we end up sleeping much later than we meant to. Try an alarm that rings not to wake you, but to tell you it is time to go to bed.

Say what you feel

Telling someone you love them strengthens a relationship and adds to your own joy. Adding a specific example of what you love about them makes it far more meaningful. It warms them and lifts their confidence, and when they are happier, you will be too.

Notice the good that is already here

How much did you enjoy your last meal? When did you last stop to smell a flower? How glad are you to go home to your family? Most of us cannot answer, because these are the things we take for granted. For one whole day, try paying attention to these small pleasures. They will light up everything good in your life and quieten the gloomy thoughts that usually take up most of your attention.

“Could you do me a favour?” Does saying that make you uncomfortable? It should not. Asking for help is an ordinary part of life, and doing it well strengthens relationships rather than straining them. Keep three steps in mind.

Set the stage

Whenever you ask for a favour, openly acknowledge that it is a favour, one you will repay, not simply a need of yours that someone else should meet. Make it a two-way exchange. People are far more willing to help someone who clearly values their time and intends to return the kindness.

Give a reason

When you ask someone to do something for you, offer a reason. People respond well to the word “because”. Even when the reason is only loosely connected to the request, they like to understand why they are being asked. A short, honest explanation turns a demand into a request.

Leave them a way out

Your aim is really double: to receive the help you need, while leaving the other person glad they were asked. The surest way to achieve both is to give them an easy, graceful way to say no. Something as simple as “and it is completely fine if you cannot” takes the pressure off. Paradoxically, people who feel free to decline are often more willing to say yes.

Why it matters

A favour asked well builds trust on both sides. The person asked feels respected rather than cornered, and you keep the relationship intact whatever the answer. Next time you need help, you will find it easier to ask, and they will find it easier to give.

Listen to advice, and learn from other people.

The cost of going it alone

Imagine running your work convinced that one particular idea or strategy is the right way, or the only way, forward. Then imagine it goes badly wrong. What could you have done to stop things turning out so badly?

Very often, the answer is simple. Instead of charging ahead alone, sure you already held every answer, you could have asked others for their advice and wisdom. That one step might have spared you the pain of failure.

Someone has walked this road

The road you want to take has most likely been travelled by others before you. So which kind of person are you?

Are you the one who asks, arrives well prepared, and reaches your destination sooner? Or are you the one who would rather not hear anyone’s opinion, in case they tell you that you are heading the wrong way, and so presses on regardless to see what happens?

Ask the right person

One caution matters. Do not take advice from just anyone. Take it from the person who is a genuine role model in that particular field, someone whose own path shows they know what they are talking about.

A question for you

Think of one decision you are facing right now. Who do you know who has already made a similar choice and lived with the result? A single conversation with them may be worth more than weeks of working it out alone.

Most of us take it for granted that thinking positively produces positive results. In truth, that is more a personal belief than an established fact.

Whether positive thinking actually delivers good outcomes has become one of the most debated questions of our time. Even leading scientists and doctors have not reached agreement. Some say it works. Others say it does not.

It does not work everywhere

One thing is clear: positive thinking does not guarantee good results in every case. In some situations it may help. Facing a job interview, for example, a hopeful frame of mind makes you more confident and readier to give the right answers.

But picture someone inside an aircraft that has lost both its wings. No amount of positive thinking will help that person. Some situations are simply beyond the reach of attitude.

Where it clearly helps

Positive thinking has a strong effect on management, production and many everyday situations. Good management combines problem solving with image building. Solving problems depends on skill and sharp thinking, and attitude plays only a small part there. Building a good image, however, flows directly from a positive outlook.

Where it may not help

Fighting disease is the contested ground. Some doctors claim positive thinking can cure many illnesses, even very serious ones. Others dismiss the idea as a modern myth, arguing that every illness has a physical cause that must be found and removed before a cure is possible. A hopeful attitude is a companion to proper treatment, never a replacement for it.

Keep it anyway

Even so, it is better to think positively, even when it produces no measurable result. It costs you nothing. You do not have to buy it; you only have to cultivate it, until it becomes part of how you see things.

On a personal level and on a global scale, all of us keep meeting challenges and hardships that test our emotional strength: illness, injury, grief, unemployment, or even a brand new venture whose outcome nobody can predict. However harshly luck treats you, there are always strategies that can help carry you through. Here are the most effective.

Accept life as it actually is

An old teaching holds that the secret of life is not to want what you do not have, but to want what you do have. There is a great sense of freedom in taking life as it comes. Once you learn to hold the good and the bad parts of your life together, you have a real chance to enjoy it fully and to value everything it has given you.

Do not rush through life

We have all heard that slow and steady wins the race, yet few of us realise how much that approach matters. By always hurrying, we end up undermining our own success. Cut corners now and you can be sure of paying for it later.

Be more grateful

Many of us count our worries far more often than we count our blessings, dwelling on what we lack instead of what we have. That attitude shrinks your ability to live a happy, fulfilling life, because it keeps you weighed down by negativity. A far better recipe for emotional health is to notice all the good your life holds and receive it with gratitude.

Treat success and failure as parts of the journey

Everyone alive is always learning, whatever their age. That is why it matters not to be too hard on yourself, and to accept that trying, succeeding, failing and trying again is the only real way to build lasting confidence. However successful or mature we become, the child inside us will always need friends and mentors to help see us through.

Empathy means losing yourself so fully in another person’s joys and sorrows that you feel them as your own.

Every day we meet a great many people. Even if we do not speak to all of them, there are always some we do. At work and in our personal lives alike, we need to sharpen our social skills so we can connect well and enrich our lives. Here are four worth mastering.

Learn to persuade

It helps to know how to get others to say yes to your requests, whether you are selling a product, asking your manager for something, or anything else. By learning a few principles of human behaviour and applying them ethically, you can greatly improve your chances of success. The word that matters there is ethically: persuasion is about helping people see value, never about tricking them.

Learn to show empathy

Knowing the right moment and place for empathy is a skill in itself. Anyone who wants to avoid seeming cold should work on it. People forget clever words quickly; they remember whether you understood how they felt.

Use warm gestures

Sometimes a simple physical gesture opens doors and reaches people as nothing else can. A pat on the back for a colleague who has done well, a proper handshake instead of a curt nod, a hug when someone needs love or comfort: these are small, harmless gestures worth getting right, always with respect for what the other person is comfortable with.

Learn to network well

Many people dislike networking, but it matters for success. You need a strong circle of professional contacts you can call on, and who can turn to you in return for guidance or facts. Join such a circle, and give as much as you take.

Why it pays

None of these skills is a trick. Each one is a way of treating people well and making it easy for them to work with you. Practise them daily, and every meeting, request and conversation starts working in your favour.

Whatever hardship lands in front of you, however many obstacles line up, your happiness should not vanish along with your good days.

Obstacles come and go

Every obstacle that arrives will also leave. It comes, and in time it goes. What belongs to you, though, should not leave with it. Happiness is your own property, and like anything you own, it needs looking after.

Think of the guest

Whenever a difficulty turns up, remind yourself that it has come in order to go. When a guest visits your home, you do not expect them to walk off at the end of the visit with everything you own. In the same way, an obstacle may stay for a while and then move on, but it has no right to take your happiness with it when it leaves.

Only you hold the key

Happiness should stay with you through the good days and the hard ones. Other people and events can shake it, but only you have the power to decide whether you remain content. That is not a burden; it is a freedom. Nobody else can hand your happiness out, and nobody else can take it away unless you let them.

A simple practice

Next time something goes wrong, say quietly to yourself: this is a guest, not a new owner. Deal with it, host it if you must, and then see it to the door, with your happiness still safely at home.

Being brave does not mean feeling no fear. It means moving forward while the fear is still there.

Do you sometimes feel you cannot stop giving yourself a hard time? Being harsh with yourself only makes problems bigger.

When things do not go your way, it is easy to turn hard and bitter. There is nothing wrong with feeling low when life is tough, but remember that bad times do not last for ever. If you can get past the bitterness, the bad times actually end sooner. Avoiding that trap is not always easy, but these steps help.

Find the root cause

Working out what is making you bitter is the first step to recovering. Whether you are going through a breakup and feel the sting of seeing other happy couples, or you are simply unhappy with how your life has turned out, identify the source first.

Make small changes

Changing your life is easier when you do it one small step at a time. If a change feels too big to manage alone, you are probably trying to do too much at once. Taking it step by step works especially well for overcoming bitterness and a negative outlook in general.

Quieten the overthinking

Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Remember that you do have control over it, even when it does not feel that way. When you are bitter, your mind becomes the enemy, and it gets harder to hold back the negative thoughts that keep circling.

Notice the little things

Learning to enjoy the small things you normally take for granted is a big step towards letting go of bitterness.

Face problems squarely

Instead of punishing yourself when you fail, learn to get past failure. Work on your weak spots and close the gaps.

Go easy on yourself

Making peace with, and sincerely regretting, whatever contributed to how you feel is one of the best ways to leave the negativity behind. Practise positive self-talk and release any hard feelings you hold towards yourself before they grow into a bigger problem.

Allow yourself a treat

One more thing makes each day a little happier: treating yourself. Whatever you enjoy, a favourite dessert or a new pair of shoes you have had your eye on, go and enjoy it now and then. At the end of the day, you need to be kind to yourself too.

Staying encouraged is a real challenge, and sometimes a small hobby or habit is what gets you through.

Have you ever tried to talk yourself into a task you have always wanted to do? It helps to have a few activities ready that motivate you, especially on days when you are your own sole supporter. Here are three that work.

Post sticky notes

The beauty of sticky notes is that they can go anywhere: around the house, on a mirror, even in the car. Jot down short, cheering lines addressed to yourself and put them where your eyes will land. Whenever you feel low or discouraged, the notes are waiting to remind you to keep going. It is a small act, but it means your own best voice is always within reach.

Take up photography

This creative hobby reliably lifts the spirits. Taking part in photo shoots builds confidence and helps you feel good about how you look. It takes courage to step in front of a camera and give your best, and you may find you are exactly that kind of person. Photography also pairs naturally with travel; the two go together like bread and butter, and each makes the other richer.

Read uplifting books

At times, someone else’s ideas are exactly what steer you the right way. Motivational reading is good for building both knowledge and confidence. Reading something uplifting exists to improve how you live, and there are plenty of books written to do just that.

The common thread

Each of these puts encouragement somewhere you can reach it without waiting for anyone else: on a note, behind a lens, or on a page. On the days nobody is cheering, you can still cheer yourself.